difficult child's trip postponed and appointment set with therapist

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Mar 13, 2009.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    When difficult child woke up this morning he started feeling like things would not connect. He was afraid to go to school but did not argue or fight it.

    He felt weird all morning off and on - just couldn't connect. After a recess was snack time. He ate a little and then threw up a little. He told the teacher and then threw up some more - a lot. The teacher asked him if he wanted to try the Iowa Basic Test. She had reviewed it and told him it was easy. So, he took that test. He stated it was super easy - he is surprised that it was a 6th grade level and during the test he felt clear and could think. Then after the test, he started "disconnecting" again.

    When he couldn't take it anymore, he went to the teacher in tears (the teacher told me this) and asked to go home. So his teacher called me. He was able to get on the phone and stated that he felt he let me down. He wanted his dad to get him because he knew I was trying to get hours in at work to get caught up. husband couldn't get him (well he could if I insisted) and I figured I would go to evaluate the situation.

    I took difficult child home. He hugged me and said, "Mom I feel I am letting you down. I can't face up to my fears. I need to go home and think about things. There is just too much."

    When we got home, I had him write down everything so that we can remember it for the therapist and also the neurologist. difficult child told me that while he was waiting to be picked up, he felt a twinge of suicidal thoughts but brushed them away (He said, "I just thought whatever!") He did his breathing and was thinking about New York. Those things helped.

    He did a good job writing down how he felt all morning. I think I see clues in it for both therapist and the neurologist to look at.

    I called to see if I could get a therapist appointment next week (difficult child's next one is two weeks from today). There was no openings but the receptionist said she can have therapist call. husband came home at 11:30 so that I could go supervise the school lunch for him and go into work.

    therapist called and talked to difficult child. therapist found us an opening on Wed morning.

    I am thinking the nausea and throwing up may be part of his migraine variant? He does not throw up easily and I know it is not on purpose. We may have to go back on medications for the anxiety but I want to explore those headaches again. The neurologist appointment the day after Easter will help.

    I received an e-mail from sister in law stating it may be best to postpone the NYC trip to this Summer. She would like to find a time when the total focus on the trip will be sightseeing for difficult child (it is his 6th grade graduation gift). I think this will be a big relief for difficult child. He was anxious about not having his aunt available the entire trip. sister in law states that they are finding the schedule for the trip will include meetings all day Friday and much of Saturday for her and a short meeting for brother in law which difficult child would have to sit in a meeting room getting bored and a formal dinner which I think may get too late for difficult child. I think this news that a new date will be set with the focus on his agenda will take a lot of pressure off of him.

    I am so nervous about the medication route again. Even though it worked so well last time I am just not feeling right about it. We will see what comes about with the therapist appointment. The psychiatrist accesses the therapist reports so keeps up on what is going on. I also want to see if the change in the trip plans will ease his anxiety.
  2. Janna

    Janna New Member


    Poor difficult child. D gets migraines too, and typically leads to some type of vomiting.

    He sounds so anxiety loaded. Oh I just feel horrible for him. No advice, but I'm thinking of him. I can so relate to all this, just sounds so much like D.

  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    My son has both anxiety and migraines. We ended up having to treat both with different medications. While anxiety can fuel migraines as well as other somatic ailments, we found that treating the migraines got rid of the migraines, but didn't get rid of the anxiety.

    Your difficult child sounds very anxious. He may feel as if he's letting you down because he has a sense of inadequacy about not being able to manage his anxiety without medications. While it's typical to trial an anxious kid off his medications after a year, it's not uncommon for kids with severe anxiety to relapse when the medications are discontinued. It happened to my daughter M when we removed her Zyprexa after a year.

    If the medications worked well the first time, what is your fear about putting difficult child back on medications now?
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Andy i'm so sorry i was afraid of this, and i know you were as well. Yet i'm glad he is so able to be verbal with you and tell you exactly what is going on that in itself is so important as you know.

    it sounds like a panic attack to me. that's what difficult child gets. it leads to vomiting and huge disconnecting with where they are.

    anxiety is i think one of hte hardest things to overcome and iknow medications scare you yet maybe something light to help him get back on track again. new york isn't giong anywhere either. yet the way he's feeling who knows what woudl trigger him at this point being so far away from you and all.

    sending him hugs.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    It's hard to explain. It just doesn't feel right to put him back on the flouxetine. I don't know - Maybe I am just in denial. He works so hard to control his anxiety and is so close to being there and he has been doing so well this past summer and this school year.

    I think I will feel better after the therapist appointment and see how difficult child fairs now that the trip has been rescheduled to a time that will fit his needs better.

    The therapist will give input and send a report to psychiatrist who will also give input. I hope I will feel better about a decision once I have that information.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    You will, you will feel better. Maybe it's just too soon for a big venture like that. Dont' look at it as a major set back he's done so well, this was a big one and alot of average functioning kids would have been nervous.

    your not in denial, your going to do what's best for him at the end of the day. Look at it this way maybe in some strange way this is a good thing. if it hadn't been for the trip you wouldnt' of known there was more work he has to do to further control his anxiety?

  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Andy, you're doing what you feel is right for difficult child. If the doctors suggest medications again will you do it?

    It sounds like difficult child is putting all his energies into "fighting" his anxieties to the detriment of everything else. I hope you find some acceptable answers for all of this.

    Give difficult child a big hug from this board auntie for finishing up some of his testing. Given all that's going on for him he did good.
  8. Janna

    Janna New Member

    I HATE medications. Oh, Andy, I so understand. Just keep talking to the docs, do your research and try to do something that is going to make you feel comfortable.

    Is difficult child okay with taking them?

    I would feel horrible if D said "I don't WANT to take them" or "they make me feel awful" and I kept giving them. We haven't had that issue - and we are open about the medications he takes, so it's easier.

    It sounds like your difficult child is so trusting of you, and can tell you how he feels. Ask him how he feels about the medications. It may put your mind at ease if he tells you he's willing and ready to take them to feel better.

    I'm sorry ~
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} I hope he's feeling better today.
  10. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you all!

    difficult child is willing to take medications and I will allow it if the docs agree.

    I think part of the issue is that he was in crisis mode last time and I have to remember that he doesn't necessarily need that deeper level of medications. Maybe something a little less strong, just enough to help take the edge off.

    I seem to remember that the medications did make him feel weird also so why give them if they are not going to help clear his mind? That is my major hold back right now.

    He is doing much much better this morning. I think changing the trip was the key for this time.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    I hope you can find a compromise. Perhaps like you said, a "lighter" medication?

    I totally get how you feel. Manste'rs psychiatrist has had to scold me for what she perceived as overreactions to medication side effects we trialed and finally said "you have to trust me, I know what I'm doing, I've been doing this 30 years and you have to stop looking for the medications not to work. I like that she doesn't want to add or increase anything for 6 months minimum to see what the allergy shots do. So I know she's not just wanting to throw medications at him.

    I hate seeing him suffer so much, and you as well. I'm glad NYC is being planned for a better time, too.


  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I understand and am sorry.
    It likely is for the best.
    Hugs and more hugs to you both
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad he is doing better this morning. I think it's great the therapist has an appointment. for you on Wed. I'm also glad the trip is postponed. I'm sorry he is struggling so much with his anxieties. Hugs.
  14. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you again!

    Jena - You are correct that it is good to "see" that he still needs help - that there is still some more work to be done. That point gets clouded and buried in success sometimes.

    Timer - Your statement about "fighting to the detriment of everything else" was so helpful. It gave me another view point to consider. I have only been looking at his success of the fights, not the casualties they are enduring. Thank you for being so wise! You are so correct, just because he is winning the battle doesn't mean the battle plan is as successful as possible - need to find one with less casualties.

    Janna - Actually, difficult child has asked for medications and is trusting in me to make that decision for him. Maybe if he wasn't so trusting he would push harder? I don't know - I mostly feel blessed that he does trust me to tell me everything.

    Tired - Thank you for the support

    ML - Those medication side effects are no fun either - are they? So we have to decide what outweighs what.

    Totoro - Yep, I am coming to believe it is likely for the best. (referring to today's new post on the bowling tournament)

    Wiped Out - Thank you also for the support.

    I am sure that by the time we get the medication (whatever it may be) ordered and picked up, I will be accepting it. See my post on the bowling tournament - that pretty much has sealed the deal for me. If he has not calmed down by Wed and getting new medications by Thur or Fri (?) then he will definitaly need them.