Disappointment? Shock? Numb? Nothing?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hopeful97, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    It is weird, this feeling.

    Talked with son Wednesday he sounded a mess, really crying and upset. I have told him he can contact me when he is this bad. We talked for a while he basically said the same thing in a lot of different ways. I asked him if there was something I could do, he said no (maybe he is starting to get it, when when I ask is there something I can do he knows really at this point the only thing I will do is meet him somewhere to talk, which we do but rarely). Conservstion ended abruptly, son suddenly says I have to go love you. I respond love you too.

    Until Wednesday I had not had contact with son for quite a while. Hubs usually has contact a couple of times a week, which is fine, he us at a different place on our portion of this journey concerning our difficult son. One thing we very much agree on is that son cannot be anywhere around our home.

    Thursday evening son calls, hubs answers, son wants to speak with me hubs says "you can talk to me". They talk for a while - hubs tells son the news... let me sidetrack for a bit need to get better understanding of this weird feeling (Difficult son got really upset after an emergency happened with hubs and difficult son was not informed in an asap fashion as other members of the family. We would want to know if situation was reversed. We told we were wrong and it would not happen like that again he would know as soon as everyone else. Another er with hubs older son contacted and got an indifferent response, but we kept him updated....fast forward to Thursday evening, hubs tells d c that "mom has cancer" d c talk to hubs a little longer. There is literally no response from d c to this news. Again not surprising - hurtful maybe a little, disappointment maybe a little, emptiness maybe a little, shock maybe a little, numbness maybe a little, nothingness maybe a little - as of tonight no further contact.

    The cancer is called DCIS. More on that in a minute.

    A quick update on d c seems to still be involved in and/or with very dangerous people, situations and things.

    I am thankful that God lead me to this site and to Al Anon 2 very important and the most recent tools added to my toolbox. I am really at peace with my situation with the cancer, not putting up a front but really not scared a little at times but mostly at peace . This feeling or whatever you want to call it that I have with regard to my d c s response I can add to the list above "peace maybe a little, fear maybe a little". My sis reminds because of d c s illnesses (untreated bi polar, adhd, aspd and addiction illnesses) it may take him a little time to process such news to be able to respond or if he will be able to respond. Regardless this feeling is not a bad feeling some of it is peace, maybe because it is a peace with not being surprised at all with d c s reaction or just because I know that d c may never change but regardless I will always be his mom and I will always love him and care about him.

    The cancer is breast cancer. Very early from what sis has researched seems to be earliest that this type can be caught. doctor said it is very early has not had chance to spread me and family will be meeting with doctor Monday afternoon to discuss treatment plans which could mean another surgery and further treatment or just further treatment.

    A lot going on, Whew!

    How I can wait for warm weather and my flower gardens. The weather where I live has been teasing us, it has been known to get very cold and snow in March sometimes a little into April. You just never know. Is there anyone out there who knows what if anything you can do to protect lilies that begin to sprout and shouldn't be beginning until mid May to early June?

    I am so thankful for this site.

    Thank you for listening, caring and responding. I am so very thankful the Good Lord led me to this site and to Ala Non.

    Huge Hugs and Blessings to All,
  2. Seeking Peace

    Seeking Peace Member


    First, that's big scary news. I applaud your calm. I lift you up in prayer too. Please know we are here for you on whatever you need to talk about. To support you in all your life endeavors.

    Second, I don't know why our children don't react how we'd hope or expect. While it may feel personal, I really don't believe it to be. Not that it excuses things and we should just blow it off ourselves...but I truly don't think the way they process info is the same.

    Like we know how they'll react yet we are disappointed when they do react as we speculated they would....

    I'm sorry you have that to ponder on top of everything else going on. Please keep us posted.

  3. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    The peace I have with this diagnosis and at the moment with my d c (as you all know this can fluxuate but as I am learning more time = less fluxuation, more time means more personal growth resulting in less fluxuation, does that make sense?)

    All of this in mind brings new meaning to:

    Sometimes God calms the storm.......
    Sometimes God let's the storm rage and calms his child...

    Peace and Blessings to all!
  4. JMom

    JMom Active Member


    Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. It's a lot to process without an illness. I can't imagine your stress underneath the calm. It's good that your husband is acting as a shield for you. It's very sweet.

    I am praying for your recovery on both accounts. Hugs!
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    You seem to have a lot of grace and peace about the situation. Sad, but true, your Difficult Child child is not processing your diagnosis right now. Many Difficult Child's only think about how it will affect them... It sounds like you are getting treated early and have an excellent prognosis.

    About the lilies, would covering them with a think layer of straw mulch help? KSM
  6. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    Thank you KSM, The prognosis is excellent from sis's research it seems that this is the earliest you can catch this type. I will try that with the Lillies the would be a little heavier cover than
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Hopeful I have missed your posts and I hope all is well with you. Prayers lifted up for your recovery and peace of mind and heart. You are in my thoughts dear sister. Gentle hugs. Please check in when you are able.