Hi i am completely new to this but hopefully have managed this post ok!
Just looking for some advice on how to deal with disrespect in my 14 year old son (hoping my signature has shown up at the bottom!)
I have had an ongoing battle with his disrespectful behaviour and often instead of dealing with it effectively i am spending all my time trying to work out why he is doing it, ie is it down to autism, tourettes, his compulsive behaviours, puberty, a combination of everything or is it just plain rudeness because he can get away with it.. Thought it might be better to list a few of the main problems:
He continuously tells me to 'shut it', challenges me to a fight, calls me names or pulls my hair when i ask him to do general day to day things like pick up his clothes or get ready for bed. I reprimand him constantly but he will only reply, 'i was only kidding on!' and with it he really seems to enjoy seeing me become upset.
He also tickles me around the waist which i have told him repeatedly that i dont like as i find it quite stressful, but he seems to find this reaction in me quite funny and does it several times a day.
He walks into a room and shouts a swear word at the top of his voice (then laughs a lot when i tell him to stop and he says 'it is a tic' which im not sure that it is as he has other tics and this one seems extremely voluntary)
He also refuses to go anywhere with us together as a family and wants to spend the whole time in the house on his easy child (World of Warcraft). If i do take him - for example, to the local theme park which i bought a season pass for - he will constantly shout at me and make things difficult for everyone until i take him home.
He also spends a lot of time being rude about his sisters appearance or invading her personal space (both of which i have explained endlessly that this is not fair or appropriate). As well as this he seems to enjoy embarrassing her when we are in public by hitting her or making very loud noises and finds it hilarious when she gets stressed which i also find very difficult as a lot of the time when we are out there will be some kind of scene and people will stare, which is difficult when i am trying my best to stay calm and not become emotional.
The main problem here is the repetitive quality of his negative behaviours and the way he seems to really enjoy the provocation. I am finding that these days i am at the end of the road with my ability to cope and spend a lot of time with him trying not to cry with the stress, as it really is relentless and he is only truly at peace when he is on his game. I have tried to speak to him in his calmer moments to ask why he behaves in this way as it really upsets me and his sister but he says that he finds it a good way of getting his stress out. He also told his psychologist that he enjoys watching my reactions. I am finding it increasingly difficult not to get upset as i am feeling so tired and stressed a lot of the time so not sure where to get the energy from to ignore it all, especially when he starts physically provoking his sister.
Im not sure if something like this has already been posted here somewhere but any advice at all would be so welcome, i have tried the usual things like rewarding him when he behaves or restricting his easy child time when he is very rude but nothing seems to be working effectively. I have also tried talking things through with him when he is calm but it is almost like there is 2 different boys in him - one who is very rational and calm and quite obviously autistic but the other where he is jsut plain rude and enjoying every minute of it, when he is like this, there seems to be no getting through to him and the behaviour is so controlling.
Sorry for the long post but any ideas on what to do would be fantastic.
Just looking for some advice on how to deal with disrespect in my 14 year old son (hoping my signature has shown up at the bottom!)
I have had an ongoing battle with his disrespectful behaviour and often instead of dealing with it effectively i am spending all my time trying to work out why he is doing it, ie is it down to autism, tourettes, his compulsive behaviours, puberty, a combination of everything or is it just plain rudeness because he can get away with it.. Thought it might be better to list a few of the main problems:
He continuously tells me to 'shut it', challenges me to a fight, calls me names or pulls my hair when i ask him to do general day to day things like pick up his clothes or get ready for bed. I reprimand him constantly but he will only reply, 'i was only kidding on!' and with it he really seems to enjoy seeing me become upset.
He also tickles me around the waist which i have told him repeatedly that i dont like as i find it quite stressful, but he seems to find this reaction in me quite funny and does it several times a day.
He walks into a room and shouts a swear word at the top of his voice (then laughs a lot when i tell him to stop and he says 'it is a tic' which im not sure that it is as he has other tics and this one seems extremely voluntary)
He also refuses to go anywhere with us together as a family and wants to spend the whole time in the house on his easy child (World of Warcraft). If i do take him - for example, to the local theme park which i bought a season pass for - he will constantly shout at me and make things difficult for everyone until i take him home.
He also spends a lot of time being rude about his sisters appearance or invading her personal space (both of which i have explained endlessly that this is not fair or appropriate). As well as this he seems to enjoy embarrassing her when we are in public by hitting her or making very loud noises and finds it hilarious when she gets stressed which i also find very difficult as a lot of the time when we are out there will be some kind of scene and people will stare, which is difficult when i am trying my best to stay calm and not become emotional.
The main problem here is the repetitive quality of his negative behaviours and the way he seems to really enjoy the provocation. I am finding that these days i am at the end of the road with my ability to cope and spend a lot of time with him trying not to cry with the stress, as it really is relentless and he is only truly at peace when he is on his game. I have tried to speak to him in his calmer moments to ask why he behaves in this way as it really upsets me and his sister but he says that he finds it a good way of getting his stress out. He also told his psychologist that he enjoys watching my reactions. I am finding it increasingly difficult not to get upset as i am feeling so tired and stressed a lot of the time so not sure where to get the energy from to ignore it all, especially when he starts physically provoking his sister.
Im not sure if something like this has already been posted here somewhere but any advice at all would be so welcome, i have tried the usual things like rewarding him when he behaves or restricting his easy child time when he is very rude but nothing seems to be working effectively. I have also tried talking things through with him when he is calm but it is almost like there is 2 different boys in him - one who is very rational and calm and quite obviously autistic but the other where he is jsut plain rude and enjoying every minute of it, when he is like this, there seems to be no getting through to him and the behaviour is so controlling.
Sorry for the long post but any ideas on what to do would be fantastic.