He is not on any medication, we tried to refrain from them them as long as we can.
He was a great baby and toddler, funny, creative, a joy to have. The problems started as soon as he started kindergarten. He could not follow directions, left handed, had very bad fine motor skills, was not interested in learning at all. By the third grade he had IEP, then we put him in a very small private school, which seemed to work well for him. He has always been very impulsive, never read any directions or instructions for the tests, which was attributed to ADD.
But in the recent year or two I noticed gradual change of personality. He does not seem to enjoy any regular activities, became very needy and desperate in the every day things. He cannot do anything fast when others ask him to hurry up, has no sence of time. Has issues with authority figures and any requests from others. When he is asks to do smth, he stops and slows down even if it is not in his interest. He became attracted to weapons and religion, talks seriously about revolutions and world takeover, cannot speak about anything else for the most part. He lost contact with his friends who are not interested in his ideas, tries to make toy weapons. He got into fights with his sisters and friends. It seems as he is going into a different world of his fantasies and perceptions.
Just my opinion, and I'm "just a parent", but...
I split your post into 3 parts (above), to make it easier to respond...
1. If you need medications and are not getting them, it can be as bad as having the wrong medications. I'm not pro- or anti-medications. But I believe - from experience - that they have their place. Need the right diagnosis first, and a good psychiatrist to work with... but don't close your mind to the possibility.
2. Could not follow directions, very bad fine motor skills... Have these ever been seriously followed up on? There's a whole range of diagnosis's that could account for these... from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)-related, to ADHD/executive functions issues, to developmental dyspraxia (or Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD))... to auditory processing problems... to who knows what else. Some of these do NOT show up until they hit school. And then school destroys the kid, because no one sees the basic underlying issues as important. Grade 3 is a common time to start going off the rails - they start to move from "learning to read" to "reading to learn" - and so on with every basic skill (math, writing, etc.). They never did get the basic skills - so, can't do the next level of work. Often, they are bright kids - and they can't figure out why they are so "stupid". He needs as complete and thorough an evaluation as you can get for him, and as fast as possible. This will require more than one specialist... neurypsych or psychiatrist, Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), and whatever else. Trying to cope in life with these kinds of problems and not having the support you need, is enough to drive any person over the edge.
3. Sometimes, these can be symptoms of male depression - and its usually missed - usually considered a behavior issue or other kinds of issues, but not depression. Aggression, withdrawal, anger, change of personality, detachment... serious red flags here. Given what I've noted in the points above, I'd make THIS the primary driver in seeking help - not because it is the source of the problem (its likely secondary), but because medical resources can (not that they always do) see the urgency in dealing with a mental health issue, when they might minimize some other issues (including dyspraxia, LDs, auditory issues...). Sometimes their fantasy world is an escape from the powerlessness and hopelessness of their lives... so they try to live in an alternate world where they are strong and powerful. Earlier on the thread, you mentioned him being a runaway. Another mental health flag. Do you have access to a therapist or psychiatrist? Please start going down that road.
Note: There is a difference between "mental health" and "mental illness"... two totally different subjects. It will take a therapist or psychiatrist to figure out which it is. If the issue is "mental illness", then its things like BiPolar (BP) or Schitz - something definitely out of kilter in the wiring. That doesn't make these cases hopeless, but its more like chronic illness - say, cystic fibrosis. If the issue is "mental health", then its usually something that isn't going right at the moment - things like depression, or anxiety (but this can be either one) - in which case, its more like an acute illness - say, a serious infection... if not treated, it could be deadly, but with appropriate timely treatment the prognosis is excellent, often with no lasting effects.
You have a tough road ahead of you - but it can be done.
It is not too late.
You should have about 2 years... before he hits highschool.
But YOU have to take control - be the driver. Find resources. Research. Network. Push buttons, knock on doors (or knock down, as the need arises). Pull chains.
For starters... begin creating a parent report. You're going to need it... (its documented under site resources).
Then, search within your self for your own biases, and confront them. We can't change the rest of the world until we begin with ourselves.
You've come to the right place. None of us is expert in anything... but there's I-don't-know-how-many-lifetimes of experience hanging around.
You'll be pushed, prodded, and confronted - but also listened to, included, and when necessary, hugged.
{{hugs}}
Take a deep breath.
Go look in the mirror and repeat after me: "Yes I can".
Then go for it.