Do I look like Dr. Phyllis?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Aug 30, 2009.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I must wear an invisible sign on my forehead that tells all the goofy people in the world that I am ready and willing to hear their problems.

    Today was no different than many other times but today just struck a nerve. Today a friend of ours that we have been friends with for over 5 years came to the house in a funk over something going on in his relationship. Sigh.

    This is the relationship we tried to talk him and the girl not to get involved in. He is at least ten years older than she is, more I believe. He has 4 other children that he cannot stay current on support for. He has one ex-wife who is crazy as a loon. He is as big a difficult child as Cory if not moreso. She would never listen to us.

    Now I do like the guy despite all this. He is hilarious. They have a daughter between them that I adore. This guy claims to love me to death and on some level I think he does. We are both huge football and Nascar fans and argue jokingly about those things all the time.

    Well he came here today to tell me he had caught his girlfriend cheating on him. Though in the next breath he said he had been cheating on her too but had stopped a while ago! I guess that made it ok. Sigh. He supposedly caught her because she was sending texts to the guy on her phone of her privates and the guy was texting back. Ugh. Turns out it was someone who lived right down the road from them.

    I suggested they talk things over but you can imagine how far that went. He wont ever be able to trust her. I said well how can she trust you? Lead balloon. No answers there. I guess honesty is a dead commidity in relationships nowadays.

    I dont know what the answer is but I know they need to think about a 5 year old little girl who needs both parents. Neither can afford to raise her on their own.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Sounds like tey both needs their heads banged together, to knock some sense into them.

    If he was cheating on her, and now she is cheating on him - yes, the relationship still cane be salvaged but only if they are honoest with each other about why this happened in the first place. And from the sound of things, I don'typical teen hink either of them is capable of tis.

    They need to at least sit and talk about the child.

    As for sending intimate photos of onseself to ANYONE else oon a mobile phone )or on anything else) - that is sos infantile, it beggars belief. And she has a five year old child - so she has to be older than fifteen, I would think. And if my 15 year old did this, I would take her phone away from her on the grounds that she isn't mature enough to have one yet.

    No matter who it is, YOU DO NOT SEND INTIMATE PHOTOS OF YOURSELF. Sheer idiocy.

    husband has taken intimate photos of me over the years, a small handful. Very small. Over 30+ years. And he is my husband, he is allowed to. But those photos are safely under lock and key, even HE can't remember where he put them!

    It sounds like they deserve each other, Janet.

    Pity about the daughter. What chance has she got?

  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Janet -

    In situations like this - I would refer them to mental health. There is no Lucy VanPelt sign saying Psychiatrist is in outside your home. Put away your tin cup and stop taking nickels.

    I swear it's like - the minute we start getting a little clarity in OUR lives someone wants to come and dump a rock in our pond and muddy it up. I think this has to fall under friend detachment 101. Love em- then lead them to mental health 101. Let someone else earn their money.

    Sadly Marg is right in saying they are made for each other - because it doesn't sound to me like either one is going to allow themselves forgiveness. They both sound immature. "Well he did X so I did X." VERY mature. "Well he cut off his finger so I cut off my finger." Sounds about as dumb. I mean pick an apendage. Eesch. Maybe you can recommend and get a list together of area resources for them both and encourage them to go - but take the PSYCHIATRIST IS IN sign down and step out of it. - YOu had a stroke - you had a coma - YOU HAVE A FRIEND HERE that will....WILL drive up there...(ahem) raises eyebrow lovingly.

    Hugs -
    Sooooo whot yer sayin' is I now know a Dr? (ducks ugly glance)
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am NOT gonna get in the middle of this one, believe you me! I told him I think they both did the wrong thing and they both need to figure it out together. No one else can fix their relationship but them.

    I do think her calling the cops on him was a stupid move. People are too quick to use the COP button, at least around here. Why involve them when emotions are high and you really dont know what you want to do? You look like a fool two weeks later when you have made up.

    Then there is the little girl...I worry about her. She is a difficult child in the making and the mom really cant handle her alone. I fully believe she has at least ADHD if not a bit of ODD thrown in there. I thought there might have been some autism spectrum stuff when she was younger because early on she didnt do eye contact well or talk well but she is much better with that. And she initiates and plays well with Keyana even though she doesnt see her often. But hyper...OMG!
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The poor kid. With parents who are that immature how could she learn appropriate skills/habits? I would place $$ that the parents are incredibly inconsistent and are creating a LOT of her problems. She may be ADHD or Aspergers (very hard to diagnosis in girls but it sounds like a possibility) or something else.

    Here is to hoping that they will get some parenting classes and help and also have the daughter evaluated.

    She will problem feel like she is raising her parents and that will cause some real problems when she is older (in addition to the ones she has already).
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Janet, you are absolutely right not to get in the middle of this chaos....but I do have to ask who in the heck is "Dr. Phyllis?" I laughed out loud when I read the title.

    WAIT-----------I think I just got it.....Dr. in the female version of Dr. Phil?

    That's even funnier. I'm going to remember that one!


  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes Suz...glad you caught up with me now!
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Avoid this at all cost, Janet!

    Repeat after me... "Not my problem..." I swear, I don't know how people get by. And it's awful of them to try to unburden themselves on you! Or anyone! It's their mess, they need to clean it up! It's sad that there's a child involved, but she is, and she's theirs. All you can do is be accepting of her.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    What the heck happened to being faithful?

    I met you sweetie & you look nothing like Dr. Phylis. :rofl:

    Hands off this one Janet. Don't acknowledge further discussion of this topic. You can't fix it & shouldn't be asked to help.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL Linda! I didnt think I was a middle aged bald gal. I wish I had that income though. Maybe next time he comes around I will say "Hows that working for you?" LOL!
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

  12. Blondie

    Blondie New Member

    WAIT. She called the cops on him?
    Oh my, this sounds stinkier and stinkier

    Whatever happened to comitted trusting in-it-for-the-long-haul, "I believe in promises" marriages?


    But yeah. Not your problem and srsly, I've finally learned to say "Gee. That sounds like it must be very difficult ; I'm sorry things are going badly for you."

    And that's about all

    Bc you see, I'm the girl that when I'm standing in line waiting to buy some freakin' STAMPS for pete's sake, someone I've never laid eyes upon before will come up from the line next to me and start telling me all about how his girlfriend is preg/her parents are jerks/she lost her job/his brother stole his car/she got kicked outta school/her kid has ABCDEFG problems (HAH!) yadda yadda

    I guess I have "that kind of face" lmbo

    So yeah, Janet, apparently you & I BOTH look like Doctor Phabulous Phyllis :confused: haha

    Srsly. Be non-comittal as all hades. It's their problem & their consequences, yeah?
    P.S. PICS OF THE NAUGHTY BITS OVER THE PHONE??? (yes I am shouting. with-disgust!!) Blergh *gags*
  13. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Blondie, I have so missed your posts (and great advice)!


  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes...I thought sexting was so yesterday or only for those under the age of 21!