Do I need medications or therapy or both?

[SunnyFlorida]

Hi all,
Had my "talk" today with new supervisor. She is not unhappy with my work performance. She's not happy with my behavior. She thinks I am unapproachable to other new staff members. She thinks I say things that are none of my business. She wants to do an employee improvement plan and re-evaluate on monthly intervals. She said she would discuss certain incidents but not reveal people.

I am hurt and full of self doubt.

Conversations I had regarding past work experiences are being taken out of context and being used against me. I'm not saying that I don't have a part in this, but I do feel things are being turned around and bits and pieces are being used negatively towards me.

So....now what?

I've worked for this organization for 8yrs. Could I be expiriencing anxiety or depression sx?

We've talked about medications before. I've always felt I could handle all the stress in my life. Maybe I'm not really handling it now?

I guess I need to take care of me and go back to doing some of the things I used to like working out, leaving work on time, doing only what I can possibly do in one day.

My fear is this organization has terminated people who question management decisions.

My question to you all really is, if I don't show the major sx of either depression or anxiety, what are the lesser sx and am I, in your opinion, unable to see them because I am so busy with gfgness.

 

[DammitJanet]

Sunny...

Can you look at the items in an unemotional way?

What types of things are you saying that are none of your business? That is an odd comment to me. Is it work related or non work related?

Are people back biting and using office politics to their advantage?

These types of things make work difficult. I would be a basket case and my anxieties would be through the roof.

It is possible that you might benefit from a low dose of an antidepressant or anti anxiety medication. You have been dealing with stress for quite awhile and it does take its toll. You also might want to get a check up with the regular doctor because there could be some hormonal issues going on...thyroid or such. Cant be too careful.

 

[Loris]

An anti anxiety medication would probably help quite a bit in a position like that. Sounds like a lot going on at work and combined with our difficult child issues makes it worse. I finally had to do that at my job and it worked most of the time. It helped at least. I hope you can try not to worry about it too much, you'll stress even worse and your overall health will suffer. Not saying that's easy, it's not. Checking your thyroid may not be a bad idea, by the way. That can cause a lot of problems when it's out of kilter, with moods and health in general. Wishing you calm, take care of yourself.

 

[Sunlight]

perhaps you answered your own question:
quote:
I guess I need to take care of me and go back to doing some of the things I used to like working out, leaving work on time, doing only what I can possibly do in one day.

try that first. if you do feel anxious perhaps the family doctor can RX some temporary medications.

 

[KFld]

I think doing things for yourself would be a great start. Sometimes, when we are dealing with our difficult child's, we think we are handling it much better then we really are, and it takes someone else to point it out to us that we aren't. I know I thought I was hiding my stress well at home, but it took friends and family sometimes to let me know I really wasn't and that it was effecting more then I realized. On the other hand at work I was told that nobody would have ever known what I was going through. Everyone handles things differently and their stress shows up in different places. Maybe you are trying so hard to keep it together at home that you let your guard down at work and don't even realize it. On the other hand, maybe your supervisor is just an idiot :smile:

Maybe the employee improvement plan could turn out to be a positive thing. Just cooperate with it and learn from it. If you have been there for 8 years, it would be worth whatever it takes to try and find a solution.

 

[DDD]

Sunny, I agree that working out etc. would be a wise beginning.
As you know I take an anxiety medicine as needed and it really does help me. on the other hand I am suppose to taking Lexapro every day as
well and I get so hyped that I forget to take it. I have made
the decision to restart when school is out for the year as my mornings are too weird right now.

Regarding "saying things that are none of your business" I'm
positive you don't ever say anything with evil intent. It is
possible, however, that you "may" tend to volunteer information
more now than you did before. I do...and sometimes after I have
opened my mouth I realize perhaps I should have kept it shut.
A self analysis indicated to me that (1) because of the extreme
demands on my time I spontaneously input to speed things along.
(2) because of the totally unexpected vulnerability I have with
my family, I sometimes seem driven to almost blurt information to
others...perhaps because I need to reassure myself I am still a
smart cookie??

I would bet my farm that you are one of the brightest, kindest,
most dedicated nurses in the State. It's good to sit back a little and look at ourselves for improvement. DO NOT let this
set you back on your !

If you feel it is a matter of personality conflict with the new supervisor then keep your eyes and ears open for a placement
where you can regain your joy and pride. Hugs. DDD

PS: I have to admit. I don't have a farm. (
I don't even want a farm! Rustic to me is a condo on the beach.
BUT...if I DID have a farm....I would bet it on YOU!

 

[DammitJanet]

Ahhhhh....you are a nurse!

That may 'splain a lot Lucy...lol.

Let me ask you something. Dont you work for some sort of branch of county govt? Health dept or something? Is this supervisor younger than you?

So many times in the above scenario you get office politics. I have never seen more back biting than in county government. They will kill you to climb over you. If you are very good at your job you will be seen as a threat. It happened to me.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Know nothing about your situation but it sure sounds like politics is involved. New super coming in and singling you out who has been there 8 years, and won't be specific, does not pass the smell test, in my opinion. I agree with- everyone about taking a step back from trying to do too much. And watch your back, please.

 

[PonyGirl]

"Unapproachable"? Did you say "Unapproachable"?! :grin: I'm smiling because that is the EXACT description of my husband at his work! He gets called in to HR on average 1x month because someone has complained about him.

Don't mean to make light of your situation, just want to offer been there done that support.

Really like what all others here have said, and agree that taking care of YOU should be first on your list of stuff to do!

Oh, and by the way, my husband IS unapproachable! He is waaaayy assertive and doesn't put up with bull-squat. He doesn't DO 'office politics' and won't play games with anyone. He is a Company Man and will do whatever They ask to the best of his ability. He can't put up with anyone who doesn't.

....but I love him, anyway! :grin:

Peace

 

[Suz]

Sunny, I sure don't recognize you in your supervisor's description. Unapproachable? Nope. Saying things out of turn? No way- I haven't seen it.

I was out of town on business this weekend. I was meeting a new group. Because of how open we are on the board and my long affiliation with it, I find that sometimes I'm a bit too :blush: *candid* :blush: so I spent a lot of time this weekend reminding myself silently "don't talk, don't talk, don't talk."

:rofl:

Bottom line in a business environment is that we do have to please the boss since they sign our paychecks. If you think any of her comments are valid, gaining this insight will be a positive thing for you in the long run. If you think it's a personality conflict (been there done that!), go along with the flow outwardly, then update your resume and start reading the want ads with a vengeance to find a better fit.

Regardless......taking care of you is the best thing you can do for yourself and should get top priority right now. I also have anti-anxiety medications that I use as needed....and a counselor to call if I need a self esteem "tune up"- thank goodness for both.

In the meantime, know that we love you and don't doubt yourself!

Hugs,
Suz

 

[saving grace]

Sunny, I have a habit of not keeping my mouth shut, I almost always say whats on my mind. Sometimes I think its who I am and its a good thing and then sometimes I wish I just shut my mouth. It all depends on the situation and who is involved. I know that in my office It is "known" that I tend to speak out but it hasnt really caused any problems yet, everyone just sort of expects it. But with that said there are "certain" people that I clash with and those are the people that always have things to say not only about me but about others as well, they are busy bodies and they feed on creating drama out of issues that shouldnt really be issues. Look around you, be more aware of others it may surprise you that its not you in general as unapproachable it may be that a certain person feels that way and is stirring up trouble.

All you can do is re access your work environment, try to make modifications that you feel need modifying, do your job the best you can. If others dont like it then thats their problem and you know your doing the best you can. If it comes down to your job then after 8 years thats really sad that it has come to this and maybe it is time to move on.

About the anxiety, I too take medications but I take them daily, I can recognize obvious symptoms but not suttle ones. yours seem to be suttle if at all. Talk to someone and see if you need them.

We love you, and I dont find you unapproacable at all.

Grace

 

[Wishing]

I think she should have given specific incidents first as you could have responded i.e. maybe you were tied up with another client situation,completing work on a project etc. This does not sound like a helpful evaluation in my humble opinion I have been a supervisor in the past.I don't like painting anyone with broad strokes.Also is there anyone in higher ups that you can go to to discuss your misgivings as to how this was handled and how to proceed? Were there any positives in this evaluation?If there were not I would not be surprised if this was from a young supervisor? There are always strengths to be identified. Just some questions I am throwing out to you?
I think doing more of what keeps you happy is critical in manging our lives. We need to be replenished and deserve to be on the top of our list.

 

[Kathy813]

Sunny,

When we met in Florida I was struck by how bright, funny, and engaging you were. Not at all like the description by your supervisor.

If you enjoy what you do, I would try to work with the supervisor. However, I know that nurses are in great demand and maybe you would be happier somewhere else.

As far as difficult child stress, sometimes I think we get so used to it that we don't realize what a toll it is taking on us. We get used to chaos as our new "normal." It couldn't hurt talking to a psychiatrist or trying a low dose of medications to see if it would help.

Remember that we think you are wonderful!

~Kathy

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Thanks all. I sure do appreciate you all being there.

I started seeing a counselor and she thinks it's more "politics" than my behavior in itself. But....I asked her to help me be a better listener and one who doesn't really offer information unless asked. We'll see.

This whole thing is constantly on my mind. So much so that husband is starting to snap at me and I'm just not happy. I went to the PCP and discussed an AD. She wanted to put me on Zoloft but I said I had a whole bottle of Prozac that difficult child 1 can't take. So.....I'm trying that.

I'm supposed to meet with the sprv on Tuesday. We'll see what goes from here. In the meantime. I'm just sort of hanging low and hanging on.

 

[DDD]

You may just be "hanging low and hanging on" but you can rest assured that if you need support or an extra hand...you can count on me, my friend. Sending hugs. DDD