Do your kids call you most often when...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MidwestMom, Jan 15, 2008.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    they're in trouble? I noticed that my two grown kids who are speaking to me :smile: call me most often when something is bothering them. The "How you doing, Mom" calls are less frequent. They exist, but they reach out more when they are upset. I do the opposite. I don't want to worry them so I don't call if I"m upset and my calls are always "How are you?" calls.
    Life ain't fair, I tellya...
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I think that's pretty typical of parent/child relationships. I know my mom never calls me when she has a problem. Heck, I had to find out from a friend of hers that she was going to have surgery. When I first moved out, got married, etc., I'd call Mom whenever I had a problem but not otherwise. Now, I call her weekly. I think it changes as the kids get older.
  3. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Angela only, and I mean only, calls me to ask if I will babysit her dog or to wish me a Happy Birthday or other holiday greeting. I rarely call her because she always lets her VM grab my call. If I'm lucky, she calls me back the next day. If I haven't heard from her in a day or two, I call again and leave another message or email her. She will then call back and say, "Oh, we were watching a movie (or walking the dog or whatever), and I forgot to call you back." At least she does not call with problems, and we have a good relationship going now.

    I call my mom dutifully every Sunday for our one hour talk in which she does 99% of the talking. :smile:

  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I think it's pretty common for children to call their parents only when they need help, and not to be in contact otherwise. Especially when they are young, first out of the house, and don't yet have children of their own.

    I think it's a testament to you as a great mom that they are willing to call you and discuss problems with you.

    When I was growing up, my mother used to unload all of her problems on me. Many times I felt like I was raising her, and I wished that I had someone I could tell my problems to.

    just my $0.02,
  5. WiscKaren

    WiscKaren New Member

    I know when my phone rings and it is one of the kids, there is a problem to follow. It's never a "Hi mom, how ya doing" call; it's always a "I need a favor" or a "I want to know if you can.." type of call.

    But on the other hand, I very, very seldom call my kids. With my son, it's only because we are estranged but even before that, I really had nothing to say to him and we would end up fighting. My daughter, she hates talking on the phone and I would just get her voice mail all the time so now I don't even bother.

    As far as me, I called my mom every day until the day she passed away. It was just something I did to make sure she was okay.
  6. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I understand too! My daughter just got married. She is 21. She has dated the same guy for almost 6 years. She calls now to ask if I can check on her dogs, etc. She also shares things with me she never did - relationship things! Anyway, she is very boundary concious. She lets me know when I have crossed it. We went through a time when she was 16 - 19 that I thought we would never speak again. But now it is much better. I try not to bug her by just calling. So I do call some and just ask whats going on? He dog is expecting puppies any day!

    On the other hand, my difficult child ( son)sounds like yours. Mine is in jail. He is 24. I hate it so bad for him - but he did it. We tried everything we knew to help him - everything - it never worked. He is in jail for contributing to the deliquency of a minor. He has been there since Oct. 07. WE told him over and over - coming home was nevear good for him since he started using drugs. We couldnt put up with it. So now - who knows. Sometimes when he calls he puts me on a guilt trip but i try and detach from it. It is all too devastating! Glad you are here but sorry you had to come!!!! Does that make sense?
  7. DiC

    DiC New Member

    When she needs a babysitter! Although she has been trying to be more supportive with recent events.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm not sure.

    easy child is the only one out of the house. And while she will call me when she needs an ear, shoulder, or info/help, she'll call me just to yak just as often if not more.

    Actually, she doesn't call me much. We live down the alley from each other. easy child just drops in. :rofl:

    But last night she gave me a call. I forget what her original question was.....but we starting blabbing. Now she called just as I was headed to bed at 11:40 pm. (early because of not feeling well) We didn't hang up til we noticed it was 1am. And this was after spending 2 hours together earlier in the evening while Travis was fixing her lap top. lol

    Nichole will call from boyfriend's house just to yak. And good grief, she still LIVES here! Finally I'll say to her, You know we can talk about this when you get home, right? lol

    Maybe I'll see the trend more once Nichole moves out.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Pretty much the same here too although easy child will sometimes call to just say hello more now but our relationship is different.

    difficult child would never even contact me if she didn't need something. She WILL, however, pop into my office with a hot coffee once in a while just to say hello. That's nice, but rare, especially these days.

    I try to call my mom every other day, at least twice a week. Just to say hello, I love you, and see how she's doing. I've been doing that for a while now, more frequently now that she's ailing.

    When I was 18+, after I first moved out on my own, I almost never called and I can recall that she hardly ever called me after a while. I think she gave up and just decided to wait until I matured a little. Which I did, finally after I became a mom myself.
  10. fedup

    fedup New Member

    My oldest usually calls to ask me to keep Alex for the weekend- about once a month. Otherwise, she is too involved in their lives to call for no special reason. Once in awhile, she does call about books. Calls hubby about sports and trivia. She always ends the call with "loves ya". The next one just doesn't call- has no long distance service, and little money. #3 calls several times a day, alsways ending with "love you", but will sometimes hang up after I have given advice she has asked for, but doesn't like. difficult child calls when he needs a ride, or something like that, but we do see him most every day. He also says "love you' and usually gives me a kiss and hug when he is leaving.

    So, in our family, it depends on the person and circumstances.
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    My boys are the same. I think it's human nature to reach for mom when concerned.
    I had a baby sister who would sit close to me if she were worried about something. They more worried she was, the closer she sat until she was practically in my lap. She was 22 at the time and lived with us. Now she is a responsible mom of 2 and doesn't need to sit by me to feel secure.

    Be proud that the kids turn to you for motherly advice support or just friendliness.
    I also will say "difficult child, I'm doing fine, thanks for asking It's part of teaching them proper adult relationships and that mom is not a robot and deserves the same thoughtfulness.

    Hang in there. Remember kids think mom revolves around their well being(which is true to a certain extent) even adult kids until we sort of nudge them into an adult reciprocation of thoughtfulness.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Dude - will call when there is NOTHING wrong just to chat - When there is bad news (at this point in his life) he hopes I do NOT know and doesn't chance a call with 'psychic' Mother as he calls it.
  13. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    The boys will call me at work (and they still live at home). Jamies calls are always the same - starting with "did you happen to see my keys on the desk this morning at which point I will say no, and he says well, I guess they are in my room somewhere, and hangs up. Danny will call to tell me he has cleaned his room, or the kitchen, or emptied the trash and once in a while will ask if I know where the "fill in the blank" is, because you know, when I clean, I always "move stuff" and he can't find it.

    It a rare phone call from eldest - I don't expect them, because at this point in her life, none of us can be of any use to her. She only needed/wanted her family when there was high drama going on and when things are going ok and going according to her plan, none of us exist. I try and keep in touch though to see how the grandkids are doing.

  14. Momslittleangels

    Momslittleangels New Member

    My difficult child will call for every little thing - - sometimes 6 times a day. If a thought pops up in her head, she picks up the phone and calls me. It gets very irritating and it is usually a bunch of unimportant stuff. easy child would only call if she had a very specific question, but wouldn't call just to chat (now that she is back home, she doesn't call at all)....

    P.S. I have sent you a PM. Thanks!
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Jamie calls about once or twice a week just to keep in touch. More often if he has a question or there is news. He is pretty good about remembering birthdays and holidays but may get the actual day of MY birthday off by a day or Mine is tomorrow so we shall see. His standard ending to a phone call is "Love you bye."

    His wife will call for everything! If it snows, if the baby is cranky, if the baby eats a new food, if she is bored, if they go to the movies, if Jamie is getting on her nerves...lmao!

    When Billy lived up there I heard from him once in a blue moon. Maybe once a month if that. I always figured no news was good news.

    I call my dad once or twice a month...more often if something major is going on. He only calls me if something major is going on. He does call me if he is going on a trip, if he is having surgery or something like that.
  16. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Call me...just to talk?

    Rob call me...just to say "hi, how're ya doing, Mom?"

    :rofl: :faint: :rofl:

    Yep, that'll be the day.

    I'm delighted for all of you whose kids do that. How wonderful! :thumbsup:

  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    difficult child called me from school last week. She was in the, um, facility. She had nothing in particular to say. Just wanted to chat while she was otherwise detained. LOL! I thought it was pretty cute!

    I call my mom to say hi now, but I used to just call for things or some help. Sometimes just a 'how do I do...whatever' but at times it was 'can I borrow $20 until I get paid' as well. Or my car broke down can you help me out? Or I have to bring the car in to the shop can you drive me to work?
    Being a single person, my mom has had to 'be there' for me moreso than my sister for these types of things.
  18. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Mine only phones me when she is either
    1) in jail
    2) when she is in program and cant call anyone else
    3)wants something.

    When she is out on the run doing what she wants she doesnt have the time of day for me unless she tries to milk me for something which, of course, doesnt work anymore.
  19. Scent of Cedar II

    Scent of Cedar II New Member

    difficult child will go for long periods without contact. When he does contact us, he calls often. I am learning to be wary. That can be a very hard thing to accept, but I think we are getting the hang of it, now. It's fun to talk to him when he calls, but not so much fun to wait for the other shoe to hit the ground ~ and it usually does.

    I think I am learning to cherish the contact and let the rest go.

    When we don't hear from him, we call and leave messages regarding the health of grandparents or other family news.

    When difficult child does call us often, it invariably turns out that he has contacted other family members, too.

    This is a good thing, and those he contacts are always happy to have heard from him.

    Painful as it can be sometimes, I am glad that when he does think about us, he feels he can call, and knows we will be happy to hear his voice.

    Somewhere in all of this, that has to be a good and strengthening thing for difficult child.

    A little sad for us, sometimes!

    But you know what they say ~ none of us knows the end of the story.

    So we try to be non-judgmental, and just be glad for the contact.