Does anyone's difficult child say/do something, then lies about it, for no reason...explain more in post

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by PlainJane, Feb 20, 2015.

  1. PlainJane

    PlainJane Every dog has his day....

    My difficult child is almost 8. I have been coming here on and off since he was diagnosed at 2 with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Also ADHD. There are anxiety / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issues, without official diagnose. He is currently on 1mg on intuniv. It helps take the edge off.

    But he has always had an issue with opposites and fighting (verbally) since he could talk. He would say he wanted to watch Elmo. We'd put Elmo on and he'd meltdown saying he wanted to watch Thomas the Train. So we'd switch the dvd, and he melt down that he wanted to watch Elmo. This went on daily about many things, food, clothing. etc....he was never "happy". And refuse to change the DVD...and he would meltdown. Nothing made him happy. Typical kids want you give in. difficult child just wanted to fight.

    At 8 it is still present but in a concerning way.

    Example: difficult child is eating eggs and doesn't care for how they are cooked. Says "I really don't like these" and he's usually not even rude about it, so hubby is says "that's fine, you don't have to eat them."...difficult child then gets angry, "But I like them! I want to eat them!"...So hubby says, "ok eat them then, but you just said you didn't like them"...and difficult child says "I didn't say that, I said I like them!"....

    This goes one ALL DAY. WE are GOING CRAZY...not to mention our typical 4 year old is really having trouble with this. difficult child denies he says things, denies reality, just to have this weird opposite fight.

    4 y/o says "I want to play game A"...difficult child says "I don't. I want to play game B"...4 y/o says "well, I don't want to play game B, I want to play game A"...difficult child says "Why don't you want to play game A? That's what I want to play, Game A. Why don't you?".....

    Did you see what he did there? 4 y/o is at the point that he physically attacks difficult child after those types of interactions. Even when we step in, difficult child says "I never said I wanted to play Game B. I wanted to play game A, and 4 y/o was the one that wanted game B."...We all heard what happened, he's fooling no one, there's no issue of lying to stop punishment (not wanting to play game B would not result in punishment)

    Even if we tell difficult child we know he's lying, he continues to lie.

    Doctor knows, going to meet with another social behavior person in 2 weeks about this.

    Before breakfast today (20 minutes) I counted 4 incidents of this. No purpose to the lying. Sometimes is started by difficult child. He makes a statement: "I don't want to wear that shirt"...So I respond "pick out another" and he gets angry, "But I want to wear that shirt!" The same one he just said he didn't want to wear...

    But if I reply with "No you have to wear that one" He gets angry, "But I don't want to."

    The doctor is stumped on this behavior. She thinks its some kind of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) thing. I can't find anything on the internet about it. No one seems to know what this is.

    Please anyone have experience with this???
  2. PlainJane

    PlainJane Every dog has his day....

    Ummmm, what happened to g f g ? Why is it changed to "difficult child"...I haven't been on here in a while..
  3. PlainJane

    PlainJane Every dog has his day....

    Ok I searched the forum and answered my own question, search engine stuff...I don't really like the term difficult child. It makes it sound so intentional the stuff he does. The same way I say my other children are typical, not normal, that implies my special needs son is not normal. I know its semantics but...I don't know. Yes my special needs child can be VERY difficult at times, but making that his new label here...makes it sound like he is nothing but difficult...He's also my oldest child, my smartest child, my most outgoing child, my tallest child, and my most helpful around the house, and my funniest child, despite being difficult...
  4. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Welcome back @PlainJane. I can't imagine how frustrated you must be about your son's lying. I don't have any experience with a similar situation but did want to offer you my support. I'd be going crazy too if I was dealing with a child that was with repeatedly lying just to be oppositional.

    There have been some members that were very upset when the acronyms were retired and others that were never comfortable with the term "gift from God" that were more accepting of the changes.

    We discussed the changes here:
  5. PlainJane

    PlainJane Every dog has his day....

    Thank you. Yeah that was the thread I came across on my search...I'm an atheist as well...guess I just found g f g less depressing sounding than difficult child...whatever...
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    PlainJane - lots of us now are coming up with our own "names" rather than using a generic term like difficult child or D C. For example, AnnieO has as kids Belle, Pat and Rose - all board names. I haven't come up with good ones yet for mine.
    "Names" make more sense for general reading, anyway.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT was oppositional, but not to the extent of yours. For a period of time, she picked fights about everything...clothes, food, the weather...but she did eventually outgrow it. I know that's no consolation, but I do understand somewhat. Wish I had an answer for you.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Mine wasn't quite as oppositional, but part of it ended up being a language problem. Thought one thing but another thing came out. Said no when he meant yes, for example, then really got flustered and things escalated.
  9. mjhawks

    mjhawks Member

    At first glance this almost sounds like split personality disorder. But I truly think InsaneCdn might be on to something. A misfiring of the nervous system perhaps, that mean the wrong things come out. This seems to be very specific as far as a symptom. I'll be interested to see an update.
  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Aspergers is no longer part of the DSM. It is on the spectrum so it is diagnosed as autistic spectrum disorder. Of course a spectrum is a spectrum, some better, some worse.

    He does sound ASDish to me. I have a rather bright grown child who is Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and his concrete thinking is different. But he has relaxed a lot as he got older. Relax. Most ASDers, Aspies or otherwise, are very likeable people as they get older and learn to control their frustration.

    Is he getting school interventions? Social skills? PT? Occupational Therapist (OT)? They start at age 3, if you are in the U.S. It's free of charge. My son stopped having outbursts entirely around the time he learned how to talk (age 5). But many ASDers keep having them. ADHD is a symptom of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Whether or not they co-exist or if the ADHD is part of the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is really up to the diagnostician.

    I am wondering if the strange lying, and it is lying, is a stimulant. ASDers things to self-soothe. Doesn't sound as if he is trying to pull one over on you or control you.
  11. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I agree with the posters who think there might be a communication or processing issue here. I would have him tested. It might be that he is not hearing or interpreting properly and, thus, his responses seem oppositional but might just be faulty processing. My husband tells me that he used to misinterpret things people said and finally he realized that he was on what he calls "a 5 second delay" between when something is said and when he can begin to process it. Now that he is older, he actually has to stop and think about what he has heard. If he just blurts something out, it often comes out wrong.
  12. Mominator

    Mominator Member

    Hi PlainJane. I have experienced these behaviors, but not in the same consistency. All 4 of my younger kids have significant problems with lying. My 15 y/o aspie used to lie constantly. Even when we proved to him we saw or heard what he did, he'd lie. Then we realized he would lie even if there wasn't going to be a consequence i.e.: Parent walks into kitchen to find out someone cleaned it without being told and asks "who cleaned the kitchen?" The answer was always, "I don't know" or "It wasn't me". Even when it was him. Lying had become a habit. For him, I learned to look at him calmly and remind him that parents respect honesty and advise him to take a minute to calm down and answer the question again. Sometimes, I remind the kids that most of the time parents ask questions we already know the answer to, so they need to be careful before they speak.

    Mostly though, the youngest 2 of my kids (currently 9 and 12) will do the same type of lying you mention in your post. As they get older, they realize it is not in their best interests to do that to parents, but they will pull those stunts on each other. At this point in time, we usually get those behaviors when we are ordering food in restaurants. For example, order sprite then swear they ordered root beer after the sprite is delivered. But when they do that, we take the drink away and give them water.

    After reading what svengandhi wrote, I thought of auditory processing disorders. Here's a website:
  13. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Yeesh!!! I just reread my post and I did not mean to type The wor S*T*I*M, which ASDers do, must turn into the world stimulator. LOLOL. (Sounds sexy..haha)

    I just mean that ASDers do stimulant, such as hand flapping, mouth sucking, tapping, blurting weird noises, etc. So I wondered if the odd lying was a s*t*i*m...lolol. OMG. Funny!!! The board, not the lying :hapydancsmil:
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Let runawaybunny know about the unusual extension... "s t i m" is a stand-alone word.
  15. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I don't have much to offer, but do agree with the others, testing needs to be done for sure. Therapy sounds great like the others mentioned, Occupational Therapist (OT) and/ or Speech? When my son had his speech issues, he would go back and fourth, but he actually still does on purpose because this is his defiance issues. I hope you find your answer soon. Hugs