Donna's question. Re: The Nanny

[DazedandConfused]

I wonder sometimes too about the kids they show on the "Super Nanny" and "Nanny 911" shows. On these programs, all the problems are apparently solved when the parents change their techniques and relate differently to their children, like it was really that easy! Do you suppose that they screen these families first and only use the ones that can be helped by the parents changing their disciplinary techniques? I have never seen one of these shows where one of the children had a genuine, diagnosed disorder like bipolar, or an adopted child with attachment issues, although one of the families had a child with Down Syndrome.

I saw this question Donna posed on the Dr. Phil thread and I have this same question. I meant to pose it here, but you know how that is, I forgot.

I admit, I'm a fan of the show. Not because I think that her techniques apply to everyone, but I do like to see the positive results (I suppose I like a happy ending).

Anyway, I've also wondered if they screen the families and the children for disorders? Do the producers rule out any possible medical reason of the children's behavior by having the children evaluated?

For example, last week Jo went on about how a three year old boy wasn't potty trained yet. How he should be potty trained by now! She would have had a field day with me and mine. Daughter wasn't trained until 5 and son until he was 6. This was inspite of all efforts of me, teachers, and aides, to help them. I believe it was more of brain signal issue for my difficult children. Not some parenting flaw to be pinned on me.

Any thoughts?

 

[DammitJanet]

I love these shows! I dont miss one if I can help it. I dont think they screen them because I have seen several of the shows where they had some difficult child's on there. I remember one show with a very large family with multiple difficult child's with everything from downs to cp to bipolar and they sent in all the nannies. Then there was a show with an autistic boy and they brought in an autism expert to help the parents learn therapeutic approaches. Think they have done that twice.

They have dealt with parental loss, parental abuse issues, single parents. Of course nothing works for every case. I do think many times helping the parents learn to relax and relate to their kids better helps. Do I agree all the time? Nope...half the time I wanna yell...smack that kid! LOL. But I know she is right. Her way is better in the long run.

 

[donna723]

They may show these families on "Nanny 911" but I don't usually watch that one. I always seem to miss it somehow. The one I always watch though is "Super Nanny" with just the one lady, "Jo". Her techniques always seem to work with the children on the show but are a little too "cookie cutter" for me.

And I get impatient too, watching some of the cringing parents who seem to allow their children to run all over them ... kids in charge, parents cowering in the corner! I'm a little too "old school" for that! And Janet, you're not the only one who is sitting there thinking that ... "One little pop on the b*typical teen ..." I know her methods are better in the long run too, but I can't help thinking that either! I keep thinking ... "what would my parents have done if WE tried that....?" Then I remember that WE wouldn't have dared to do what some of those kids are doing!

 

[DammitJanet]

Donna...one of them is on Monday nites here and the other is on friday nites here. One is on fox the other is on abc. The monday nite is on abc and the friday nite is on fox. Maybe that will help...lol. I think its monday nite at 9 and friday at 8. Cant remember which is which but I think its super nanny on mondays and nanny 911 on fridays.

Did you see the show in Hawaii the other nite? One thing I cant get over is the huge bedtime battles some folks have. Maybe I got incredibly lucky but we never had them. I think I would have killed my kids. We had a friend/acquaintance who had a kid about 6 months or so older than Jamie and she couldnt get her kid to go to bed to save her life. That kid ruled the roost. She even had to feed him in bowls on the floor next to the dogs dishes!

He would get up and down out of his bed constantly and she couldnt figure out how we would put jamie in his bed and he stayed there! Hello...we told him to. We didnt put up with that nonsense plus he played all day and got up early. He was tired! If he had got up he would have been promptly put back in bed. Not played with, given something to eat, talked to, read to, comforted, etc. Hogwash! Not unless he was sick or something was really wrong. I mean there are emergencies. But attention? he got that in spades during the day. Same thing happened when Cory came along. Bedtime was 7 pm and they went down. Goodnite sweet princes.

 

[DazedandConfused]

I agree with changing how a parent relates to a child makes a huge difference. I'm appalled how some of these parents act like whipped puppies. As my cousin used to tell me: "If you don't want to be treated like a doormat, quit lying on the floor!"

I know, for myself, dealing with my difficult children in a more calm manner has made a big difference. Also, not allowing myself to get so bent out of shape for, what I consider, "little things".

I'm also dismayed by how many parents have bedtime issues. Never been a problem at our house. Though, I learned to have a ritual early on. Plus, it simply wasn't neogotable.

I did see the Hawaii one. I don't think "frog huntin'" makes a very good bedtime ritual. :rofl:

 

[DammitJanet]

Those Hawaii parents were absolutely clueless! Talk about book smart and common sense lacking. Frog hunting at bedtime with toddlers....ok...yeah sure. Im still trying to figure out why they have the kids beds in the living room but have an office and the parents bedroom. Id be moving the office stuff into the parents room and stick the kids into the office. Or something! If nothing else I would put the kids in the parents room and get a sleep sofa! I need to put the kids away sometime.

 

[donna723]

"Super Nanny" is the one on ABC on Mondays and this is the one I usually watch. I am assuming that none of these children have real diagnosed disorders or medical conditions that cause their behaviors. Most of these situations seem to have just gotten waaaaay out of hand to the point where the kids are in charge and the parents sit there helpless! They've shown kids that cuss the parents out, kids that hit and spit at parents or siblings, and the parents have just given up and do nothing! Some just tune it out and stand there in the middle of all the chaos around them like it wasn't happening! HELLO!

And what the "Super Nanny" really does is to put the parents back in charge, where they should have been all along. Don't mean to sound like an ol' f#rt, but when WE were kids, we knew darned good and well who was in charge, and it sure wasn't US! You don't have to be harsh, unloving or abusive to TELL children what they are to do. I see so many younger parents ASKING things like, "Do you want to stop playing and pick up your toys now?" Well, of course he doesn't! Would you??? When you "ask", you give them the option of saying, "No"! Then what do you do? You don't have to be a dictator to be "in charge".

And I DID see the one where the goofy, clueless father took his little boys "frog hunting" with flashlights in the back yard right before bedtime and then wondered why the kids were bouncing off the walls till midnight! Duh!

 

[mstang67chic]

I don't watch those shows but agree with whoever called it cookie cutter parenting. During one of our "in court alot" periods, the judge ordered husband and I to take parenting classes. I about laughed out loud in court because because before we even HEARD of difficult child, we had foster training and were licensed theraputic foster parents. I was fine with it though, you never know what you're going to learn.

But, with that said......it was the biggest waste of time. The instructor would call on me during class about something and I would basically tell her that we've done that - didn't work, or we've tried a version of what you're saying - didn't work or even we haven't tried that one but I KNOW it won't work. She would get so upset with me and say that we weren't being consistant with the technique(s) and that we had to change our parenting style. (true to a point but not what she meant) We, in turn, would get frustrated with her and, sometimes, angry until one of the staffers where the class was (who we were working with at the time) finally pulled her aside at some point and explained the whole situation to her. (of course she wouldn't listen when WE tried to explain difficult child) After that she didn't call on us so much. :hammer: :smile: