Don't even like my own kid

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by elizabrary, Aug 27, 2011.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I have to post this on here because nobody else would understand this and would think I'm a terrible mother, but I have to get this out. I don't even like my own daughter. She's everything I think a person should try their best not to be: lazy, manipulative, a liar, selfish, immature, promiscuous. She is completely in love with this whole "ghetto culture" thing and looks, talks and acts ridiculous. Her friends are all losers who don't work and all have babies that they take marginal care of. And she's a terrible mother- her desires always come before KK's. It's disgusting.

    And what really kills me about all of this is that she saw me as a single mother work 2 jobs while in graduate school while still taking care of her, going to every event she was involved in, making sure she had nice clothing and did her homework and had plenty to eat. I didn't date at all for probably 3 years because I didn't have time. Now I would have had time if I had ignored her or shuffled off to whomever would watch her while I ran around, which is what she does with her daughter. OMG- how does this even happen? Thanks, I just had to get that out!
  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I do understand, Eliz. I really do. There's nothing to feel guilty about when it comes to feelings. Feelings are just that - they are feelings and they can't be labled "good" or "bad". They just are.

    Now your actions ... there's something to be proud of. You did the right thing for your daughter. You showed her the way and now it is up to her ... hard as that is for you considering the choices she's made.

    I remember talking to my t-doctor and lamenting all we had done for difficult child ... and, especially all I had done since Ostrich man flew the coup (and they're supposed to be flightliess birds!!. I was ticking them off my my fingers: Tons of attention, at every event, great private school, great extended family, gave up my social life post-Ostrich flight.... and she looke dat me and said, calmly "where would she be - today -given her issues if you hadn't done those things?

    And it made me pause and think: I did make a difference. It's just a difference we cannot see. I did give her a great childhood. What I did mattered, and what you have done matters.

    If we're lucky, our daughters will acknowledge it some day because they do KNOW it - deep in there somehwere.

  3. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    Thanks Dash! I never even thought about where she would be if I hadn't done those things. That thought never occurred to me- funny how the negative pops into my head so easily, but not the positive.
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Guest

    Boy, I sure can relate!

    Our son had a great childhood. Stable, loving parents, big extended family. We spent plenty of time with him, took him on trips, drove him to activities, got him tutors and therapists for his learning and psychiatric issues, sent him to Catholic high school and paid for his higher education. We provided love, discipline, and structure. It worked for his sister. It didn't work for him. Sometimes the genetic predisposition they're born with is hard to overcome.
  5. troubled

    troubled Guest

    I can sooo relate to your admission. In fact, I could have written it myself, word for word. I have even gone so far as to call difficult child my enemy because that's how she sees me and tells others she despises me and other hateful and hurtful things she feels towards me for not doing her bidding and being at her disposal. My mom and sister have to keep reminding me that I did everything I could possibly do to help my daughter onto the right path as I guess you also have done. As a divorced mom of one child (difficult child) I didn't even work or date for 7 years so that difficult child would have a fighting chance at a normal life with a devoted and caring mother. Even after I began dating, difficult child always came first. She lacked for nothing. difficult child's problems were/are all her doing and the result of her own poor choices. Had she listened to me or followed in my footsteps, or learned to accept help from therapists, she would be on top of the world right now, looking at a bright future and she would have all the support and financial help she could ever ask for. But noooooooo, these difficult children have a different plan. So be it. Not your fault and there's nothing you can do to change it. You can only change you and your reaction to what your difficult child does and says. Don't believe parents who only have PCs, they know nothing about it. They can't even imagine.
  6. Bean

    Bean Member

    I can relate. I don't even know who my kid is anymore.
  7. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Mine is not grown yet, but I am definately there with the "I don't like even like my own kid". I wish it weren't true, but it is.