Don't know whether to be happy or despondent!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by muttmeister, Apr 19, 2013.

  1. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I'm going to be a Grandma again. difficult child 2 just brought wife back from running off with his kids; got home in February. Now she's pregnant - due December 10. I love my grandkids BUT right now the 3 I have are living with me because difficult child's house still needs the foundation fixed; neither one has a job; they have bankrupted my mother and almost the same with me; difficult child has his 2nd DUI in the court works and even if he avoids jail time, he won't be able to have a license and we live in a rural area where there is no public transportation so even if he could get a job, how the heck is he supposed to get to it? I am trying to get some of my bills paid off so I can sell my house and run away but I'm so far behind my plan is a 5 year plan and if they keep on like they are, I'm not sure it will work. By then I'll be 70. And my 98 year old mother lives with me and needs about the same level of care as a 3 year old.
    Retirement was not supposed to be like this. I worked all of my life and hardly ever even took a sick day. With my social security and my teacher's pension I should have enough money to pay my bills, travel, and do the things I enjoy. Instead I'm living from month to month wondering how I'm going to pay the bills. This is ridiculous.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs: I have no words of wisdom, just a shoulder.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh boy Mutt, I am so sorry...........are they all living with you? Where are your daughter in laws family, could they take them in? I can relate to the feelings of retirement not looking like this, however, my granddaughter is 17 and will soon be in college and onto have quite a few more years and that must be so hard. Yikes. I feel for you. I hope you have a good support system where you can vent, feel nurtured and let go. So you are supporting 6 about to be 7 people now? Good Lord. Sending you many, gentle hugs Mutt............God bless you.......
  4. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    difficult child and his wife are living in their house around the corner from me but it has no foundation on one two sides (it's jacked up ready to be fixed), no plumbing, and no water so they come here for toilets and showers. The kids stay here most of the time and all nights and eat here. And, yes, my mother lives with me also. I keep thinking she won't live much longer but maybe she'll last longer than me at this rate!
    The plan is for difficult child to get the foundation fixed so at least they will all live in the house. I am NOT looking after a baby at this point. I know it's a terrible thing to say but I am just not a baby person. They are nice to look at when somebody else has them but they don't do anything for me.
    difficult child does get food stamps for his family so, since I cook for them all, they do get the food so that is one less expense I have but still....
    Somebody in that family HAS to get a job because I'm just not able to support them all. My mother gets enough to pay her Medicare supplement and her few expenses and my electric bill, which has doubled since she moved in because she's cold all of the time.
    I have a feeling difficult child and maybe Mrs. difficult child are both going to end up in jail because they have fines and he has probation fees and all kinds of stuff he cannot pay. Just so they aren't both there at the same time.
    On top of everything else, they hit a cow with their old van so right now they are driving my car again (daughter in law drives as son does not have a license). That makes me crazy too. Hopefully there is not too much wrong with the van but he hasn't been able to get the hood open. He is supposed to get $250 from the guy who owned the cow but that is a drop in the bucket for what they need.
    I'm ready to disappear.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Mutt, I'm sorry, what a complicated situation you're in the middle of. I would be ready to disappear too. And, it they both go to jail, you will take care of the kids? Oh my. (((HUGS))))
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh my...I would be ready to disappear too Mutt! That is an overwhelming amount of responsibility and giving for one mom!!! You DO deserve the retirement you put years and years of work into having.

    I hope the van gets fixed soon (and that you get your car back) And that difficult child wife will be able to take difficult child to find work. They need to get out of your house and let you enjoy your home and life again.

    Caring hugs,
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    $250 from the guy that owned the cow? Shouldn't the guy's homeowner insurance be paying for damages?
  8. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    The guy with the cow is a farmer; his cow was worth over $1000 but insured for $500. The van difficult child hit the cow with was not insured (I did not know that) so he's darned lucky to get $250 instead of a ticket. Basically, the farmer is giving difficult child $250 out of the goodness of his heart so difficult child had best not rock the boat.
  9. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Laws must be different in NE, because here, you don't insure the cows (insure cows?!). Here, difficult child would get a slap fine for not being insured and he could sue the pants off the farmer for the damage to the van because the cow was running loose in the first place. Ditto that for other states I've lived in.
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    HaoZi, are you SURE your farmers don't insure their cows? They sure do around here.

    Not from "being killed on the road" - that one happens to be incidentally covered.
    They are insured against hail, lightening, windstorms, wolves... along with theft.
    If the cow drops dead of some disease... not covered.
    Otherwise, the cow is worth "something" dead or alive.

    But the farmer could be charged for "allowing" the cow to be at large. He would have fines to pay.

    They are all just lucky that the only one who got hurt was the cow.
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    I mean insured for causing car damages. I have no idea about anything else.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH gosh, I am so sorry. Your plan to sell and run away sounds best, I hope there is still a way.....hugs
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mutt, I realize that your kids are getting food stamps for the kids but you could most likely get a welfare check for taking care of those kids along with food stamps yourself and then your son and his wife would just get food stamps for themselves while you get the portion that is for the kids. I realize it isnt a ton of fact it would probably just clothe them and maybe cover their school expenses but it would be something. I think in NC you would get about 300 bucks cash a month and about 400 in food stamps...I think. Dont quote me.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member