Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by guest3, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    My wife will never learn
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    OK, what does S2BX mean? Whatever it means, this person is responsible for his own behavior. I doubt he will get off, but you never know. He'll have his story, and the officer will have theirs. I wonder who the judge or jury will find more believable?

  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Wait, I thought he is back in your house? Did DYFS make him leave today?

  4. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Well he is in "our" house, but I moved me and my sons out of there 3 months ago and into my parent's house, after he assaulted me with a phone and tried to stranggle my oldest difficult child.

    S2BX = Soon to be Ex-husband
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh honey.

    Nope, I don't think he will be let off.

    I suggest you look into Families Anonymous so GFGII can understand what is wrong with his dad. He needs to know that this is not deliberate. His daddy is sick.

    I know it seems like he is doing this to you. And there is not a speck of me anywhere in my body that is standing up for that man. But he is not doing this TO you. He is doing this because he has a disease that he has not surrendered to yet.

    If his family tries to say ANYTHING to you about it being your fault, tell them to go scratch.

    Many prayers for your family.
  6. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sorry you are going through this. Sending lots of hugs your way.

  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If his family calls you, have ready - "I did not put him in the car. I did not buy him the booze. I did not force his lips open and pour booze down his throat. I did not start the car and then walk away with him passed out and the car still running. I did not assault myself with the telephone, nor was I the one who tried to strangle our son.
    However, I AM the one who has been ordered to keep the kids safe and in a stable environment. I AM the one who is taking responsibility for meeting the needs of the kids. I AM the one stepping up to the plate and getting the parenting job done with absolutely no assistance from anyone. I AM the one having to field phone calls from people who instead of offering to help, enable a very sick man and who therefore are postponing the day when he will finally get the help he needs."

    Continue to be strong.

  8. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Lost, I truely hope STBX (soon to be X) does not get off. He desperately needs help, and if he can't get it for himself, maybe he can get it via a guest of the prison system.

    Its better you weep for him now than some other person weeping for a wife, husband, child that he killed while being in a drunken state.

  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    ant is in jail now for his 4th DUI. (by the way I thought your post meant an IV-intravenous DUI-lmao)

    in PA you look up DUI laws and there is a chart showing what you get. for ant it meant not less than one year and not more than two in jail along with fines, ordered to DUI school (again-it costs 300.00 each county and he has three already) and he must have an interlock device on the car if and when he ever drives again (couple thousand plus monthly fees to use)

    each state is different so he will get what our state mandates.

    ant's public defender said there is no defense for a 4th DUI esp when they had a breathalizer on him.

    ok given that, remember this, it is not your fault. ant's three yr old son will not see him for a long time too unless I take him to jail to see his dad. not likely at this point. ant did not care enough about Kaleb to stop this madness, why should Kaleb suffer? I know yadda yadda everyone thinks they get help in jail. not so. in jail they are all sorry they did it, but they want another drink asap when they get out except for a small minority of people who truly see the light.

    your STBex had three other DUIs-are they your fault too? c'mon hon he is an alcoholic. not your fault in any way. now rest up while he is locked up and pull your life together for you and yours.

    I know I sound tough but remember too that I cried a week this time about ant. I was a mess, could not function. what made me stop crying was knowing that his life was hurting other people. he made selfish choices. I would have never encouraged him to do that.

    why didnt your STBex just sit at home and drink, the idiot??? let his family worry about him.
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    He's going to jail. It's NJ State Law. 3rd time is 6 months jail time. 4th time is much more. Maybe that's a good thing. He'll be out of your life for a while. Perhaps it'll straighten him out a bit and give you a chance to do what you have to with your kids, without interference from him.

    As far as his family is concerned....he is their problem now, not yours. You are not to blame for his drinking problems. He is. He is a grown man.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Go to the families anon or al anon. RIGHT AWAY!!! None of this has anything to do with you. It is ALL HIM. Whether he gets help or not isn't your biggest worry. Your kids are. Your parents, your sanity, and your bills are.

    If his family calls tell them to call me for your reply. I will tell them in short order to Kiss you Tush because YOU are the one taking care of their grandkids/nephews and YOU are doing it while dealing with very complex health issues for each child. They should either get with the program and be helpful or Shut the heck UP!!!

    I was teh unheard voice for many years re: my bro's alcoholism. I truly HATE all the excuses and lies.


  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    How so very sad, specifically for difficult child 2. I am so sorry.

    However, you are absolutely doing ALL of the right things. I am so encouraged by your strength, you are amazing.

    Remain true to your gut, and let difficult child 2 know that Daddy is very, very sick right now. He cannot see anyone, not even him, because he is so sick. Get him in counseling if possible, and definitely take him to an al-anon meeting. There is also teen-anon, that might help difficult child.

    Hang in there............sending big hugs.

    PS, can you get the house transferred into your name now?
  13. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: lostyetfound07</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Of course he wasn't driving, he was passed out in the running car with an open bottle of ever clear, so his family thinks he'll get off, Opinions??? </div></div>

    I don't see how he could get off, unless by way of incompetence or malfeasance in the prosecution. Our daughter was arrested under almost exactly the same circumstances -- passed out in the car, with the engine on. Only she didn't have the open bottle. She wanted to fight it on the grounds that the arresting officer had no probable cause, having not himself witnessed her driving (it was phoned in by someone who did see her weaving). Of course she knew she was guilty, she was just trying to think of a way to get out of it. In her mind she did the right thing by pulling off the road :rolleyes: (that's like saying someone shouldn't be charged with assault with a deadly weapon if they only beat the victim with the loaded pistol instead of shooting him). Anyway her defender told her to forget it, they've heard it all before, no one would believe that she pulled over and then got drunk (especially with a BAL of .17), and if she tried to get smart with them they'd really throw the book at her.
  14. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Do you have caller i.d. and voicemail? If so, I would not answer when they call. They can leave you a message and if it's something you want to hear, or a call you want to return, you can take the time to think about it before you do.
  15. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Thank you all for your positive thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement. I know I have spilled my gutts alot on these boards in the past few months, and I truly appreciate each and every one of you who offered kindness and supportive advice. :angel:

    I know in my heart it is not my fault. To have my 4 Pastors tell me I have tried more then any woman they have ever known, meant alot to me. My kids of course have to suffer due to S2BX's poor decisions.

    In one years time I would like to be divorced and 60 pounds lighter.

    In three years time I would like to be out on my own in my own home, and a black belt in karate (heah a girl can dream)

    In 7 years time (difficult child II turns 18!!!!!!!!) I would like to travel and do short term missions trips, and just be happy :smile:
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    <span style="color: #FF6666">Excellent</span> <span style="color: #3366FF">goals!</span> I applaud you.

    The only way he can get off is if he has an incredible lawyer who can prove that DEX passed out due to a medication condition. However, the open bottle may negate that. (And should, in my humble opinion.)
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Q: Do you want to know how to lose 160 lb of unsightly fat?

    A: Divorce him!