easy child broke my heart

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Sep 14, 2009.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    As you all know it s has been a rough week with difficult child running off and now in shelter. I've cried a lot , stayed in bed and really hurt. I slept in on Sunday so I decided to go the evening mass. Those of you that don't know we just moved easy child off to college this semester. I was kinda worried about going to the mass because that is the mass that all of difficult child's "friends" are especailly the one that called me to let me know the allegations that difficult child was making about me. I walked in and kneelt down to pray and when i looked up easy child was on the alter sitting with the choir. Apparently she had been here all weekend and I didn't know. With all the pain I was already in with difficult child I was shocked to see her. She didn't notice me for some time. I didn't attempt to talk to her. She snuck out of the church before mass and them back in for mass. At the end of mass I just got up and walked out. I am so hurt and heartbroken that she did this to me. Know I am the fool. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I left, then they all could be happy. OHHH and by the way it has now ben three days and difficult child has not called.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, before you take this too personal, keep in mind that you didn't speak to her either and left right away. It sounds like she might be walking around feeling just like you do, to me. It is easy for mis-communication to happen when nerves are raw and we are expecting or fearing the worst.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm sorry. Sounds like this is a really emotional time for you. You know, once our kids reach a certain age they start living their life as they see fit. With easy child, she probably came back and spent the weekend catching up with all her buddies and didn't give it a thought. It's not a nice feeling, but they are the center of their universe. I guarantee you this will get better.

    If this kind of thing happens again, suck it up and go over and hug your daughter. Say something like, "Glad to see you still active in church. I love you." Give her a hug and let it go.

    Mog, focus on the blessings you have. Take stock of the good in your life. Sometimes when we get really down it's time to pull outselves up and realize that, in the long run, we are better off than we thought. Roof over our heads, food on the table, gas in the car, etc...

    Our children can hurt us like no others. I'm sorry you have been so hurt. Hugs.

  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am not sure what she did wrong? can you explain further why you are hurt by easy child?
  5. mog

    mog Member

    I was really hurt because she has never treated me like that before. I have told her a hundred times or more that I feel like it is a respect issue to let me know where you are. I realize that she is an adult now and I don't expect for her to call and ask if she can go with her friends to Applebees or whatever but If she is going out of town. That way if something happens (heaven forbid) I know where to start looking for her. She now lives 4 hours away and came back to our hometown and I did not know she was here for the weekend. I am 41 and every time I am leaving out of town I always call my mom and let her know where I am going to be in case she needs me, I call when I get where I am going, I call when I am on my way home and I always call when we get home so that she knows we are home safe. I have told all of our children that and the two older ones are barely even talking to us much less checking in. The yooungest argues about it but does it (except when we runs away like now) BUT she has always been the good kid following all the rules and been there to help cheer me up.Even before she left we hardly ever saw her but she would check in . If she had said mom I'm coming to town but staying with my friend so we can catch up - fine. It hurt me that she feels like she has to sneak around because she hadn't done that before - it is out of character for her. It also concerns me because she has this boyfriend that is older than she is and I can see where he could be controlling.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Got it. I would be hurt if my daughter came into town and did not even call, let alone stop by. I guess I just was not aware of the whole situation.

    I guess our kids can never stop hurting us, we have too many feelings for them. However, I do not think this is a horrible injustice on her part, just an insensitive one.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Keep in mind kids are usually self absorbed and tend to think parents are not human beings. It's a shock to them that we hurt.
    That being said, she should have called to tell you she was in town and would be at church.
    I wonder if she just wanted to avoid the difficult child drama.
    I'm sorry you are hurt. I don't blame you except I would have had to go up and visit with her and have a little heart to heart. I know she is grown up but if you are supporting her, she owes you common courtesy.