Elijah day 6 in hospital...behavioral issues, belly talking

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jcox, Feb 22, 2009.

  1. jcox

    jcox New Member

    It is hard to believe that tomorrow will be a week that my baby has been gone. Each day seems to last forever. Today my hubby, both my daughters and I went to see him a little early because of the snow storm. He seemed very hyper, but did give us lots of hugs. I could tell that his sisters were annoying him again. They were asking him lots of questions and I could tell he did not like it. He was pacing around and had lots of energy. He seen the doctor in the hallway and called him over. Then he said "Hey doctor can I go home in a few days"? The doctor did not answer him, but talked to him about a situation he had yesterday after we left. He told us that Elijah was having a little temper yesterday. He spoke to Elijah about how he ripped one of the lady worker's shirt off, exposed her breast, and scratched her. He told him how this was "Naughty". I always hated that word, but did not say anything to the doctor about it. The doctor said he raised Elijah's Abilify yesterday. He asked me how I thought he was and I told him hyper. Part of me is glad that he showed them a little of the Elijah that we know so they can better help him, but I know that this will delay him coming home a little bit. I know it is better for him to stay until he is stable though. At first he had asked us to stay for dinner, but we got there at one. He asked the nurse and she said it would take too long for dinner, but maybe another day we could. After about an hour he told us to go. I could see that he had enough of his sisters. They kept asking him lots of questions about how did he like it here, did he have any friends, and lots more. I could see he did not want to be questioned. They were a little loud, but not excessively and they were not really arguing like yesterday. I could see that they were irritating him again though. I wonder if that is why he acted up yesterday, because they irritated him and got his nerves going... or if it is just because he is getting comfortable with the staff and the hospital setting. He is always asking for a few certain staff members and I wonder if one of them is who he exposed yesterday. He always seems to be agressive with people he likes the most. He always seemed to have a honeymoon period at school too for a week or two and then his true colors begin to shine. I wonder how long it will be until he can come home. I miss him so much.

    On the way home we had planned on bringing the girls to a movie and dinner. Hubby started complaining about how it will be a lot of money for the movie, dinner and gas. That got on my nerves a little bit because we had it planned already and the girls were looking forward to it. So I got mad. I began to drive home and a few miles down the road the girls started in about how it was not fair blah blah blah. Then I told them right in front of daddy about how he did not want to. Then he started arguing with me about don't say it was his fault and that I was beginning to **** him off. My older daughter said that Daddy and I should discuss things before we make plans next time because they were really looking forward to going to the movie. I had enough and would not talk to hubby. Then the tears started flowing from my eyes. I had enough.

    Once I began to cry hubby loosened up. He never liked to see me cry. He appologized and rubbed my back a little bit. He told me he knew I needed to cry sooner or later and that I could not hold it in forever. A couple towns over from me we did stop for a cheap dinner at Wendy's and went to a movie which was not that expensive because it was Sunday Matinee for $5 each. We saw Coraline which the girls were very thankful for. I enjoyed it too, but kept checking my phone to make sure Elijah's hospital did not call me. Hubby loosened up again and bought the girls popcorn, soda, and me some candy a little while after he told them they did not need it. He surprised us all when he came back from the bathroom with his hands full.

    I just called to see how Elijah's afternoon was. Staff told me that before change of shift he had a hard time. They told me that he said he could not eat lunch with the other children because belly was telling him to beat somebody up and to hit the workers. They told me that they had him eat in his room and kept a staff member outside his door for a while this afternoon. This was news to me because we were there after lunch time. They told me that they did notice a look in his eye when he said these things, and that his whole body language changed. He always got this look at home too before he would rage, so I am glad that they saw it. It is good that they have it documented that belly told him to do these things, because we have had issues with belly talking to him for about four years now and everyone kept blowing it off as an imaginary friend. Maybe this doctor will see what is really going on with that situation, but maybe not. Anyways I am glad it is documented. They told me so far on this shift he has been a little hyper, but had no behavioral issues. I talked to him and said goodnight. I told him to be sure to tell the doctor whatever belly is telling him so he can help him better.

    Tomorrow I am going to go at lunch time and buy Elijah and I some chinese to eat together. Then I have the meeting with his social worker at the hospital to discuss how his weekend went and what the plans are. I am anxious about this. I wonder what they will say. I wonder if they will let him come home soon, how long they will keep him, what will happen when the time comes for him to be released if he is still acting up, will they want to send him somewhere else first... I am all full of wonders. I know that the meeting tomorrow will ease my worries a little bit because atleast then I will have some information about what the plan is.

    Thank you for all the caring, advice, support, and prayers.

  2. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Hey Janice,

    Well, you've been busy! It's great you're getting to see Elijah on such a consistent basis. Our psychiatric hospital was 2 hours away and I had to drive there every other day, and yes, it was a financial drain for us. So, I can understand husband's concern with the money, but agree with the girls - he should have discussed that with you ahead. It's good he still kept his word, that's very important. I'm glad you still had a good time.

    I'm sure whatever honeymoon period Elijah has had will eventually crumble. That's my big beef with psychiatric hospital stays, they're never long enough. D was in one 10 days and they really didn't see anything. He got to play the PS2 and have cake with lunch and dinner LOL! It was fun for him. So, if he's already displaying behaviors, be thankful. He will come home, when they think he's ready. It'll be okay.

    Sending hugs your way.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Its good they are seeing the behaviors that have your family concerned.

    Glad husband got the movie. Sounds like you needed it as much as anyone.

    Hugs. It must be very hard.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    My difficult child would tell me that his body was telling him to do things he did not want to do. I hope the docs will take your difficult child's belly talk serious. He is struggling with his emotions and this is how he explains why he does mean things. He feels bad before he does them and that is a good thing because any steps that lead up to an inappropriate action can be used to help control the action. Your difficult child can be taught that when he starts to feel his belly wanting to talk, it is his job to turn it off and squash it so it doesn't lead him into trouble.

    The look in his eye is the same thing. You have learned to understand what that means. Any warning you have is a blessing. Now that you have figured out some of the signs, you need to put some coping skills into effect to gain control before the rage or mean action happens. Ask the staff at the hospital for the techniques they are teaching him so you can help remind him of them when he does come home.

    Do you also notice that because you do not have him at home 24/7 it is easier to be objectional about his behaviors? The doctor asked you how you felt about difficult child because you above anyone else will see the true changes. You will feel if he is changing for real or seem to be pretending. Like some here know their own children have learned the system so well they know how to behave to get discharged. You will know if your child is really learning or just playing the game. You are an expert on Elijah and your knowledge will help find an answer for him.

    I am glad you took the girls to Wendy's and a movie. It is so important to keep their needs met at this time also. I know that when difficult child was in the hospital, I was grateful that Diva was old enough to do a lot for herself and understand what was happening. It is hard to find the time and energy to do anything when your child is in the hospital.

    Good luck with the plans tomorrow.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Glad your husband loosened up and you all had a movie and lunch out.

    Your daughter is very wise to tell Dad that he should discuss this BEFORE the outing was agreed on. But right now the entire family is under a ton of stress, so it is important to be extra forgiving with everyone (including yourself).

    I think it is great that Elijah is getting past the honeymoon period. My son had 6 WEEKS of honeymooning on his first psychiatric hospital stay!! (He was much older though.)

    Be SURE to follow up to see what the staff and psychiatrist think about his belly telling him to do things. Make sure they know it has been going on for 4 years AND you see a change in his demeanor when it happens.

    Sending gentle hugs to all of you!
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm sorry it's so hard to have him there and that you are missing him so much. I'm glad the staff has noticed the subtle changes in his demeanor and posture when his "belly" talks to him, and I hope they are able to formulate a plan for addressing this issue. I have no experience in this area, but it would seem to me that Elijah has to stay there in their care until they are able to begin treating the whole "belly" issue and his control of those impulses. I would think they'd need to see some improvement in this area before they can release him back to you to continue the follow-up care and therapy/treatment.

    Hopefully next week will bring about these decisions for him quickly so that he's that much closer to coming home.