End of a dream

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by katya02, Sep 5, 2008.

  1. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm struggling tonight, having just loaded our horse onto a trailer to go south (yes, directly into Hurricane Hanna it seems) to be sold. It's the practical thing to do.

    I rode horses for 15 years, showing hunter/junior jumper in Canada. I had an off-track Thoroughbred mare that had injuries from her racing career and never was really up to the big time in the show ring. But I had fun, until it became obvious that my mare couldn't compete with the A-list horses and no way could I afford another horse. Fast forward to now, and daughter rides and we find a young horse that I can tell is a WOW prospect - amazing talent, beautiful, could go to the top in a number of disciplines. We get the horse for a song, because his owner is unwell and selling off. We put him in training and I'm thinking the trainer will teach him and daughter together, and they'll be a great team. But the trainer pushes the horse too hard (I know abuse when I see it) and he bucks her off. She tells us to sell the horse.

    I move the horse elsewhere and he settles down and is wonderful. daughter is having a great time. Then we go away for a week and when we come back and the horse hasn't been ridden for awhile, he throws a couple of bucks the first time daughter gets back on. She falls and breaks her right arm severely, requiring surgery and a prosthetic replacement for part of a bone. She can never risk hurting the arm again ... which equals never riding again.

    It's my fault. I kept the horse; and I should have worked it and ridden it before letting daughter get on after the vacation. Now daughter's dream of being a horse trainer is over. And this horse, the horse I could never afford when I was young and now I can, has to be sold. So he's gone on a trailer tonight to North Carolina and will be sold. It's the end of dreams for daughter and me. I know it has to happen. But it hurts so bad.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I know how it hurts to lose a dream. I hope your daughter's arm can become strong and healthy and she can find other dreams.

    many hugs.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Awww. That stinks. (hugs)

    I'm gonna ask a stupid question, but I know little about such things..........Any way you could've ridden the horse instead of daughter??
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, that just vacuums...I'm sorry- are you sure there isn't another solution? I'm sorry- this just brings tears to my eyes. I hope your daughter recuperates quickly.
  5. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    so sorry, I rode when I was younger (& lighter) and I always dreamed of owning a horse. I could not get either of my difficult child's both boys to take up riding.

    Try to embrace the time you had with him and the positive memories. Prayers for your precious daughter, I am sure she'll have a bright future regardless of this sad setback

    <<HUGS>> from one horse lover to another
  6. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    What's killing me is that yes, I should have ridden the horse instead of daughter. I have arthritis in my back and it's not very comfortable for me to ride a big mover like this horse is; but I should have done it. I have more experience. I wouldn't have stayed on with the bucks he threw (he's not malicious but unfortunately VERY athletic), but I might have managed to turn myself in the air and not had the same injury. I've fallen off him once, strictly through being rather stiff at 48, when he gave a jump sideways at something, and I was able to turn so I just got a big bruise on my butt.

    It's my fault, that's what I can't get past. Shouldn't, I guess. I loved this horse just for his beauty and fantastic movement. I could have watched him forever, without deluding myself that I was somehow going to take him to the top. But I ruined daughter's chance at her dream. That's my real pain.

    Thanks for the hugs. I do appreciate them.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Katya. Many gentle hugs.
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    So sorry. (((hugs)))
  9. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs, Katya, and positive thoughts for your daughter's full recovery.
    I'm so sorry.

  10. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Well, when one dream ends another has room to form......maybe she will want to be a vet......maybe she will want to be a scientist, maybe she will want to be a banker, maybe she will want to be president....... maybe......
  11. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I understand your guilt, recently I burned my son with boiling water, he has healed well, but has some skin discoloring scarring that I will forever know is my fault. But I didn't do it on purpose and I have gotten to a place where although I will never forget I caused the injury, I have come to forgive myself, although I don't think you were responsible, I see that is how you feel. I hope you will forgive yourself soon.
    As far as the loss of the horse, maybe someone else really needs an opportunity to come into their life right now, keep up on the horse world news and maybe you will see your guy at a huge competition and you will know you had your part in him. I grew up with horses from age 7 til about age 25 when I started to have kids, show horses and racehorses, I still miss them, I am now 49. They are hard to let go of, I'm sad for you all.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oooh, Katya, I am so sorry! What a shame about the horse and your daughter.
    I don't know much about professional riding (we just do it for fun) but it sounds like your daughter's break is something that can't be messed with-in the future. How is she taking it? Does she know how guilty you feel?
    Maybe the horse would have bucked anyway. And maybe it would have aggravated your arthritis. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
    Meanwhile, be sure to tell the new owners what a wonderful horse this is, and the future potential he has, despite the bucking. I agree with-Kathie, that maybe someone will reap the opportunity for this horse to come into their lives right now and it's just what they need.
    (Always Pollyanna, I know, I just try to look on the bright side.)
  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm sorry for the loss of your beautiful, spirited horse. Don't be too tough on yourself but I can understand a mom's drive to keep her kids protected and to know what is in our children's best interest. You feel you didn't keep her safe but it was not a conscious decision to inflict injury.
    Her dream of being a horse trainer may morph into something else that is equally gratifying.
    We all have dreams that morph into something else eventually.
    Go easy on your self.
    I can imagine how hard it is to say good bye. I'm not sure I could have been so strong. The beauty of a horse is hard to let go of.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Katya you miss understood me, I think. Is there any way you could continue to ride the horse so you don't have to give up your dream? Or is it too painful physically?

    Don't be so hard on yourself. Hindsight is always 20/20. daughter is ok and that's what counts.