End of rope with daughter recovering from psychotic break

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sagehen, Jun 18, 2018.

  1. sagehen

    sagehen New Member

    I have lived for over a year with my adult daughter, her three cats, dog and boyfriend. I have helped her get help, but now she is verbally abusive and I cannot deal with this any more.
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    There is no reason at all for the boyfriend to be there. It's nervy that Daughter probably guilted you into housing him. He should go, even If daughter throws a toddler fit. And he can take his pets with him.

    Your daughter is not even acting appreciative of your sacrifice. What's with that? Drugs? I take it their lives are a mess or they would prefer, as adults, to live on their own. Mature adults don't want to live with Mom. Or take her money.

    Remember this: Your life is as positive or as negative as YOU make it. We write our own stories and some chapters in our life book are uncomfortable and hard. But it is in your hands only. The boyfriend and pets end even abusive daughter can not live with you and make your life hell unless you allow it.

    Maybe private therapy can give you insight into why you feel the need to invite this into your home, which should be your sanctuary. Do they pay bills? Clean? Mow the grass? Act respectful? Offer rent? Work full time? If not, why even CONSIDER letting them in your house, especially this likely bad news boyfriend.

    But your daughter is acting undeserving too. I know you love her...we all love them so...but how does it help her learn to grow up if you take her in with no expectations and even allow the boyfriend to mooch too??? I am sure she bawled and tantrumed and threatened you and guilted you to get you to do it. They all do this. But many of us have learned that the lying manipulations are all baloney...and we change our decisions.

    This is your house. Your house/your expectations in order for anyone to live with you/your rules, not theirs.

    It sounds like a crazy life right now. Please do learn to be nice to yourself. Therapy, therapy, therapy! A pastor if that is easier. And understanding, WISE good friend. Somebody who is in a better place than you are right now please.

    You can't live forever. Then what? Daughter will be lost.

    I do hope you can learn to stand up to them soon!

    Wishing you love, light and peace. You can do this. Many of us have. It's never easy but it gets easier with time.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2018
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, Sage

    Does your daughter have a job? Does her boyfriend?

    Have you discussed a move-out date?
     
  4. sagehen

    sagehen New Member

    Thank you for your response. I have been standing up to them and that makes it worse. I do have a therapist (see her tomorrow). This was my happy sanctuary and now it is a place of tension. They have no place to go.
     
  5. sagehen

    sagehen New Member

    Her boyfriend has a job and contributes money for food. Otherwise, they do not help out. (No moving the brass :)) I want to get away but would come back to the same. We have not discussed a moving out date. . .
     
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Sage,

    I’m sorry they are taking advantage of your generosity.

    Serious question—are you in fear of violence from them? Do they threaten you? Intimidate in any way?
     
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    If the boyfriend works he can find a cheap place to live. Or there are shelters while they wait for Section 8.

    Why should you leave YOUR house? And how dare they argue with you about anything?

    Why do you tolerate the boyfriend and pets? Why do you feel you have to let them live with you when they are mean to you and drain you dry and make you full of anxiety?

    Many of us felt we had to put our abusive.kids out, and it was up to them to find a place to stay. There are shelters, soup kitchens, food pantries, government assistance and a vibrant close homeless community. They won't starve and many of us have done this, often with surprisingly good results, some with less so. My daughter turned her life around fast once she was told to leave.

    Do these two have drug problems? I am guessing so.

    Are you afraid of anyone in your own home? Have you ever needed to call the cops? Have they stolen from you? Assaulted you? Destroyed your property? Gotten in your face? Threatened you? All this is considered violence.

    It is them who need to go, whether or not they become homeless, not you. Never leave your home.

    Please be good to yourself. Don't let anyone bully you. This is domestic abuse by your daughter and her loser boyfriend. Maybe talk to a domestic abuse shelter. Your lifestyle has them telling you what will happen in your own home. Who made them your boss? Fear of them?

    Get them out of your house. Please do it for you.
     
  8. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hey, Sage

    Hope you will continue to join us here.

    Maybe you should talk to your therapist about making a plan to get them out of your house?

    If they are abusive, you may need to involve the police.

    Let us know what you decide.
     
  9. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Welcome. How old is your daughter? I will assume if she had a psychotic break that she is diagnosed with a mental illness. Does she recieve ss for this? If so she might qualify for low income housing. If she doesn't qualify for low income housing but does get disability and he works they should look to finding a place. Pets might make this more expensive or harder they may need to put them up for adoption or if she does have issues she might be able to have at least 1 registered as a therapy pet in which case they can't charge her more at least around here. I agree with the others they need to leave. I get the feeling that she is more abusive than him. Is it possible he is sticking with her only for the free place to stay? That is not your problem. Next time she hurls abuse let her know that is not acceptable in your home get a restraining order and tell her to leave. Once she is gone do not let her in the house because she will probably try to stay. Been there done that. I have not had to file an order but have told him if he comes i will. We all love our children no matter the age but eventually they will have to rely on themselves. Make it now so you can live the rest of your life with some semblance of peace. Good luck.