I am in that frame of mind. For real. Without boring you with a long history, I am tired of being rejected by loved ones all my life and now my child did it. My husband doesn't understand my terror of rejection. He left me once so I will never believe he definitely wont leave again. My two good kids are on their own and busy. One could move far away as her husband is searching the country for jobs. Kay dumped me. That is the last straw. It demoralized me. Dumped again, naturally. All day I have looked for places I can afford to live on my own. Far away. I was doing better on and off but the final rejection just makes me want to be alone. I have given enough of myself and deserve to live without the fear and pressure of family, which never worked well for me. I do better in groups of casual friends. I don't even mind solidary holidays. I just don't want to worry about the rest of my small family leaving I have thought about southern states like Alabama and that area with a low cost of living. I also am exploring other countries where i could be very comfortable on a dime. Am I serious? Yes. That's the scary part. I can do it. Has anyone else thought of this? Yes, yes, it is running away. But it sounds glorious. I have been discarded by loved ones so often that I love them, but am detached to an extent. I don't like having to risk my heart. It has been torn in half. Contrary to what Kay says, my husband doesn't always stick up for me. He is usually mute or does the opposite and says aggressive things that inflame situations. When he left for a month for another woman I was just a shadow walking around. He begged to come back but I never felt secure after that. I have talked to him about everything but things don't change on his side even in therapy. I feel as if I do all the work. He is puzzled that I am still insecure after ten years. Maybe I am silly but it was a huge trauma. I cant feel safe with him now. So let me know if you ever just wanted to start over. My husband is close to retiring and I cant imagine me retiring in a few years and being with him around the clock. I have a pension I can use even if I move and retire a few years early. I would love to move to a friendly senior community where I could make acquaintances to talk to but not have to please intimately. I must sound crazy but even before Kay kicked me out of her life, this was on my mind.