Ex won't stop badgering me about dropping the case

[Californiablonde]

So ex and I finally came to an agreement for an increased child support amount. We went and signed the papers last week. I thought all was good and hunky dory until yesterday, when he texted me at work asking me to drop the case. WTH? I don't know what his motive is so I asked him. His lame response was he doesn't want the courts involved in his life or finances. As of right now the money comes directly out of his paycheck. What difference is it to him if he writes me out a check every two weeks or it's taken out automatically?

He tried telling me that if I drop the case, I won't have a couple of days delay after his payday like I do with child support. I don't mind the delay. I usually get paid two or three days right after payday and that's fine with me. I told him so. He still keeps pressuring me. He texted again today asking me to please drop the case. This man is giving me anxiety attacks. I know he's going to start in with the threats and unkind words when I tell him I refuse to drop it. For now I'm just ignoring him. I know I will eventually have to confront him because he will be seeing the kids next weekend.

Speaking of seeing the kids, suddenly he's starting to actually spend time with them and take them to the pool, etc, when he used to do absolutely nothing with them. It wasn't until I mentioned to him that the kids do not like it much there because they never do anything that he finally started paying interest. Again, I don't know what his motive is.

Last I talked to him he told me he wants the kids to be living with him by next school year. I don't know if he still feels that way. Right now I feel as if this man will do anything to get out of paying child support. I think he is trying to win my kids over by paying them all of this extra attention. Oh, and the evil stepwitch screamed at my son last weekend and his dad FINALLY stood up for him and told the kids that she had no right to do it. She made my son cry. It's about damn time he stood up for one of my kids although he suffered that weekend as a repercussion. According to difficult child 1 he slept in the living room the following night, LMAO!

I am glad he's finally admitting that his wife's behavior towards my kids is absolutely uncalled for. I just wish I knew what his motive was, or if he is finally starting to come around. Either way, I am not dropping this damn child support case and I have a feeling he is going to make me pay dearly for it.

 

[keista]

((((HUGS)))) Stay strong!

He wants you to drop the case because it's easier for him that way. If he decides to skip a payment of use it against you in some way then he can - no court order. With a court order and wage garnishment, his power is severely limited. Sounds like he doesn't want his power limited - most men don't.

So glad to hear that he's taking some reall interest in the kids, though. They deserve that nomatter what.

Stay strong Sistah!

 

[Californiablonde]

Thanks, Keista but right now I'm wondering why the sudden turnaround with the kids. Last time he spoke about wanting both of the kids to move in with him I told him he was gonna lose because neither one of the kids like it there. Told him how I take them to the pool, the movies, the beach, etc and we have fun together. They don't do that at his house. I'm thinking he wants to win the kids over by taking them out, and eventually they will change their minds and choose to live with him. When we last spoke on the phone he told me he is taking away the kids, period, and there was nothing I would be able to do about it. Also rubbed in my face that once the kids were living with him, I would be the one to be paying HIM child support. He then hung up on me and refused to take any of my subsequent calls. I have a feeling it's all about the money. For the last six years he hasn't done **** with my kids. Now all of a sudden he wants them and he's finally paying them the attention they deserve. It's all in the timing. I have a feeling he has an ulterior motive with all of this and I'm going to be the one hurting in the long run.

 

[keista]

It sounds like you are right about his plan. However, I don't think kids can be won over that easily. And what is he gonna do about his wife? Get rid of her so he can have the kids? He keeps defending the kids against her, she won't stay long. Besides, do you really think he can keep up this charade of parenting for any length of time?

I forget, has he ever initiated a motion regarding the kids? I know he got custody before, but did he initiate that? And I'm pretty sure a judge will see his game because he did have custody before and gave it up. Now he wants it again????? That's certainly a red flag for something.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Keep your atty in the loop. I'm assuming none of this is communciated by phone call... because you won't take his calls either, right? email or text... something that can be used in court...

 

[Liahona]

I second Insane, stick to e-mails. Something with a date and time stamp that you can print out and take to court. Especially as he is going to start threatening you.

I think you are right about this all being about money. And he is trying to buy the kids. Your kids are 14 and 11 years old. My difficult child 1 is 12 with the emotional age of about 5. difficult child 1 is beginning to see through x. I don't think yours will be bought at easily as he thinks.

Stay strong. Don't take his calls. If he starts getting ugly at the visitation exchanges have the exchanges take place at the police station. If he is still ugly ask an office to step out for a few min to be a witness. Still ugly have the officer write a report you can take to court. You do not have to take his emotional abuse.

 

[TeDo]

CB, I think you are 100% right. He doesn't like anyone telling him how much to pay and when to pay it. He is being nice to the kids because he wants them to live with him so YOU have to pay child support. He does NOT like being told what to do. Do NOT drop the case and fight like heck to keep the kids. He's playing games with you and is arrogant enough to think he'll win this one. Don't let him have extra time with the kids if he asks. He'll use it against you later. I would advise you to be hypervigilant where he is involved. He's not doing anything out of the kindness of his heart. He hasn't suddenly taken an interest in the kids. He has an alterior motive and it's not a good one. Please be careful and absolutely keep the lawyer in the loop. BE SUSPICIOUS of his ever word and action.

 

[buddy]

I feel awful for you that he is seeming so sneaky and manipulative. I think your radar is very, very good.

 

[hearts and roses]

He likely believes that if the kids live with him, it will cost him less than handing money over to you, in which case he has no proof what you're actually spending it on. This is a control and money issue.

Stand your ground.

Does he have anything over you that could possibly allow the courts to give him full custody?

 

[donna723]

So he doesn't want the courts interferring with his life or his finances? Tough noogies! That's what happens when you get divorced! Stay strong and don't fall for it! If your child support is coming out of his paycheck now, PLEASE leave it that way! Going through the courts is the only way to assure that he pays promptly and that he pays you as much as he's supposed to.

And the sudden interest in the kids? He's probably just kissing up to them in hopes that he can persuade them to live with him. Then, not only will he not be paying YOU child support, you will be paying HIM child support! There's always a motive behind it.

 

[Star*]

My girlfriend is an attorney for the county - she advised me to tell you to call the county and talk to the attorney that is handling this - and see what your attorney says shoulda, woulda, coulda......she couldn't give me any advice because it's not on her desk - but she said all the answers that you are looking for lay with her since it's a legal matter - she'd know how each scenario would play out. She did say he DEFINITELY is up to something sneaky.......so watch yourself.

 

[Californiablonde]

Thanks for all the support and guidance, ladies. To answer a couple of your questions, yes he does have something hanging over my head that he can use. Several things, actually. Number one being I had the kids taken away from me about four years ago because I scratched difficult child 1 on the leg after she scratched my son. I was very ill with a blood infection and I was not myself. I wanted them to stop fighting and I reacted impulsively due to being very sick and not sleeping for a couple of days. CPS saw the bruise the next day and my kids were taken away for eighteen months.

At first their dad did not want to take them. Ex told the judge, right there in court in front of everybody, that he did not want the kids to live with him because he didn't want to ruin his new marriage. The judge was flabbergasted. He couldn't believe my ex would actually choose his wife over his kids. My mom and stepdad offered to take them because they live in the same county and would have an easier time going to the same school. They lived with my mom for several months, until my son told me one day that my stepdad got mad at him and pushed him to the ground. I called CPS immediately and had them removed from my mom's home. They were temporarily put in a group home, until their dad felt bad enough that he finally relented and took the kids to live with him.

While the kids were there, him and his wife were on their best behavior. As soon as the time was up and I got my kids back, they started acting like their good old selves again. He is not the main problem. It's HER. She treats my kids terribly. Screams and yells at them for normal kid stuff and slapped my daughter across the face once and told her she's just like her mother. She doesn't even KNOW me but she had the nerve to make that statement to my daughter and apparently it's not the first time she has made negative statements about me in front of my kids. Anyway, I am also bipolar and have major anxiety issues and he is planning on using that against me as well.

My bipolar has been stable for over a year now (last episode was a two year long depression) but I still suffer from anxiety and I'm currently trying to find the right medications to deal with it. Last year I was prescribed Klonopin for my anxiety attacks, and I took one before I drove to work. The medications made me black out and I got in a car accident. I didn't hit anybody, thank goodness, but I totalled my car. I got charged with a DUI. I am now having to do community service, pay a fine, and attend three months of drug and alcohol classes. As a matter of fact, I have to take off work early to enroll in my first class today. He can also use my dui against me. He has so much ammunition to use against me and that is why I am afraid he might win. I have some ammunition to use against him as well, but not as much as he has on me. This could get ugly real fast and I'm worried my mental stabilty can't take it. Right now I am able to work and take care of my kids, but I'm afraid he may wear me down so much that I might destabilize. For right now I am praying really really hard to stay stable through all of this.

 

[keista]

Sweetie, read carefully - HE CAN'T HOLD ANY OF THAT OVER YOUR HEAD. CPS gave you your kids back. If he wanted them so bad, he could have fought you and kept them then. He stood up in a courtroom and openly said he did not want the children! That record can be entered as evidence if he starts again.

in my opinion he's just trying to scare you to comply with his wishes. in my opinion even if he tries to get full custody, no judge is going to grant it to him. You've got just as much damaging evidence against him.

 

[Californiablonde]

Keista, their dad claimed he only gave the kids back to me because he felt sorry for me and he was doing me a "favor." Told the courts that he was only giving them back because he knew I needed them in my life and I would be devastated if I lost them for good. He keeps throwing THAT little fact in my face. Like I should bow down and kiss his butt because he decided to allow them to live with me.

 

[AnnieO]

Let me let you in on something - the history of NOT taking the kids then taking them? Makes him look BAD. REALLY BAD. They will look at EVERYTHING, not just what he SAYS.

Also, if he is badgering you, tell him - preferably in a TEXT or EMAIL - that this is his last warning and he needs to STOP HARASSING YOU. If he does not? Call the cops. Telecommunications harassment is frowned upon...

 

[keista]

Keista, their dad claimed he only gave the kids back to me because he felt sorry for me and he was doing me a "favor." Told the courts that he was only giving them back because he knew I needed them in my life and I would be devastated if I lost them for good. He keeps throwing THAT little fact in my face. Like I should bow down and kiss his butt because he decided to allow them to live with me.

Sweetie, again, he's trying to frazzle you. That is just so lame. Doing you a "favor"? Mu butt! No caring parent gives up kids as a "favor". Would you? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Stay calm and stay strong. You are a good mom who FIGHTS FOR her kids. Right now, his threats are just that - empty threats. Do NOT let him get into your head. Do NOT let him get you upset and compromise you health. You are a

 

[1905]

I smell a fish. All lies to get what he really wants- not to pay, or maybe to not pay the proper amount, but something is not right. That call should reinforce your desicion to definately not drop anything!