exhausting day - court for assault charges - long

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by guest3, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. guest3

    guest3 Guest

  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    you did just fine.

    Good for you for not letting S2BX and the prosecutor bully you. It was entirely YOUR decision to drop the charges or not, and certainly not because THEY said so. (FWIW, I think you did the right thing. He will hopefully get help faster this way).

    As far as you buying up all the booze and then "oops" dropping it, sweetie, spouses of alcoholics have done WAY worse. You had a momentary lapse of good judgement, and you didn't hurt anyone. You didn't cause a scene in front of the kids, and it was a reaction to seeing your husband look gravely ill. It's OK.

    Keep reaching out here and in your other groups.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You did very well. Even husband says so. He says that when he was on Grand Jury (the prosecuting body in our state) most victims of domestic violence dropped the charges because the spouse talked them out of it. The DA's were often frustrated by it, and I am sure that is why the Rude man treated you that way. He wanted to see if you were up to it. It's not a nice way to operate, but they can't waste their resources when they could go after someone that they know that they have a case (witnesses) against.

    And he laughed out loud about S2bx's cc purchase. Good for you!
  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Your s2bx obviously needs help. Perhaps this will be his wake up call.

    Detaching from our husbands is really no different than detaching from our difficult child's. Your husband has made poor choices. He is now confronted with his consequences. I'm sure it is very difficult to watch. But, remember, these were HIS choices.

    As far as the purchase of the liquor - I think BBK said it best - wives of alcoholics have done way worse.

    Let the courts do their thing.
  5. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    My husband is in court 3 or more mornings a week doing Court Watch (volunteer program that follows those that have committed crimes in our neighborhood, or those that live in our neighborhood, through the court system).

    I cannot tell you how many times the victims of domestic violence drop the charges (or just don't show up). And how many times the perpetrator is back, again, in court. There is one woman that the police, judges, etc. are just waiting to hear has been killed - she's filed 9 times against someone but continually drops the charges. The police have vowed to bring this guy in if he so much as spits on the sidewalk, just to give HER another day to live.

    Please know that what you are doing is IMPORTANT to follow all the way through. You may be saving your S2BX. You definately are saving some other person in the future. And yourself and you family.

    If you still have doubts, see if you can find a victim's advocate group to talk to you - some will even go to the court with you as "moral" support.

    YOU are a STRONG person, and you are doing what is right to do.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I thought with domestic violence charges after making the initial call to the police it was out of the victim's hands? Is that only in NY?

    HUGS to you. You did a great job. You did just what you should as a mom and a wife. And you even did what YOU wanted to do. Good for you!

    You should be proud! You have strength - you just proved it!
  7. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    You did very well.

    Wendy, in NJ, I believe, if the police actually see violence, then it's out of victim's hands, but if she imposes charges without cops seeing it, I think she can drop charges.

    I hope you don't drop charges. He is sick. You did the right thing. You were not intimated by him or the rude prosecutor. Accept the pats on the back from all of us! :bravo: :its_all_good:
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    In NC, if a person calls the cops and then drops charges they can fined instead of the person charged. I have seen it happen when I have been in court with Cory. I just shake my head when the abusive guy (gal as it may be) gets the abused person to drop the charges so they dont have to "get in trouble" and then the judge fines the person who called the cops court charges.
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: skeeter</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
    Please know that what you are doing is IMPORTANT to follow all the way through. You may be saving your S2BX. You definately are saving some other person in the future. And yourself and you family.
    I second what Skeeter says! Absolutely you are doing the right thing........because he will never get better if consequences are not given. It is just like our kids - he needs those consequences in order to internally make the change to get help.

    I am SO proud of you! I really am! You are my hero! You stood strong for you, and for your son - and that brings tears to my eyes. THAT is a warrior parent! Yesterday you just embodied it all!

    Keep walking this walk, and gleaning strength from wherever you can, in order to stay the course. The destination will be grander, and more beautiful than you can ever imagine.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    You obviously love this man enough to go to a liquor store and buy up his brand of liquor in an effort to save his life. No harm in that. But I hope from here on out you stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself and say "You know what self? YOU are worth the money it will take to put yourself in therapy so you don't ever let anyone take advantage of you again!"

    I did. I'm thankful for it too.

    You're a courageous woman on the right path to healing!

    Many hugs -
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    OMG! I am SO sorry, but I laughed out loud when I read about you accidentally dropping $189 worth of Everclear in the pkng lot! You made my day! :laugh:

    I agree with-Star... that may have gotten rid of your anger and anxiety for the moment, and you clearly still love STBX, but the next time, spend the $ on yourself. You could have gotten a cple massages or therapy sessions out of it ...


  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    When you are in love with an alcoholic - NOTHING is EVERCLEAR!

    OK - that could go down as the worst pun of the year. But It hink you could use a little humor. - Since you don't have anything to drink! :smile: ( I can NOT believe Star said THAT)
  13. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Thank you all, sniff......... I have been doing alot of crying today. :sad:

    S2BX will find out Friday if he can get into a 9 month program that child welfare services will be putting him in and paying for (so he says)? He was supposed to move in with his Mom today.

    I just can't get the image of him out of my head, he looked so terrible. I spoke with him last night, of course in discussing difficult child I and how I got him a in home therapist, his response was "how much will that set US back?", he'll never change in that area! :nonono:

    difficult child II has been a mess all day, I think he's picking up on my sad vibes

    Happy Turkey Day everyone, I am off to Lancaster on Black Friday for an overnite shopping expedition with a gal pal and difficult child I and his boyfriend (My parents will keep difficult child II) I am sure some pickled eggs and whoopie pies will make me feel better, LOL
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm so PROUD of you!!! This had to be an absolutely horrid day, and you not only got thru it but you did it with style!!! :bravo: