Extreme aggressiveness, what happened in your case?

[Wiped Out]

For my son, the police were never involved. The first two hospitalizations happened when he was 7 and 8. The third was when he was 10. The other three happened when he was in 7th grade. We probably should have brought the cops in at certain times but our son's psychiatrist was always good about the hospitalizations. We didn't need to take him to the ER. We kept in what seems almost like constant contact for a few years. He always figured if we felt he needed hospitalization he really did because he felt we put up with more than many would have (this is not necessarily a good thing).

 

[Megann]

EthansDad, its simple to me.

The child we ado
[QUOTE="SomewhereOutThere, post: 654788, member: 1550"]The child who we adopted then asked to have leave, was charged by the county with sexual assault in the first degree and found guilty. He was thirteen. We never had anything to do with the charges and we never went to court...we never wanted to see him again...but we feel he got what he deserved. Unfortunately, it did not teach him a lesson. In his lock up for juvenile sexual offenders, where they have cameras everywhere 24/7, he was found following a kid around and trying to assault him. Another child expressed fear of him. Since he was legally still ours, we got reports. At least until the adoption was dissolved.

My answer is what I wrote above. If a child is a danger to the other children, whether or not it hurts that child's feelings, he needs to live elsewhere where somebody can monitor him all the time and hopefully give him treatment. He may never get better.As for worse, how can he get worse? You need to make any house a safe place for all of the children. If one child is dangerous, he needs to live elsewhere, hopefully to get help but also because he could hurt or kill one of the younger ones. For all you know, he HAS molested or harmed one of the other kids in some way. Abusers make sure the kids are too scared to tell on them. When we had to make a choice, we chose the children this child was harming. Certainly the younger children were terrified of him and never wanted to see him again and neither did we. It was different because he had only lived with us for two years, but even if this had been my biological child, you can't allow an older child to be around younger ones if they are violent. It's a bad idea for everybody, including the child who is acting dangerous and abusive.

Was this kid adopted at an older age or maybe had a very chaotic early three years? Or is his biological father violent? Sounds like his wiring is different and wrong, and there is not much you can do about that other than keep the other kids safe.

At any rate, unfortunately it is your ex-partner's decision and hers alone.[/QUOTE]

 

[GoingNorth]

Actually, one thing we do know about the autistic brain is that the symptoms are in part caused by a "wiring issue".

From birth up to about 3 years of age, the developing brain spends a lot of time removing excess neurons and pruning unnecessary connections. This basically gets rid of a lot of "radio noise" and drastically speeds up communications within the brain.

Autistic children's brains either do not do the cleanup at all, or do not do it properly. It is thought that the excess neurons and connections are part of the reason autistics usually have head sizes near the upper end of the scale.

Once the initial "configuration" is done, new neurons and connections are made in accordance with the body's and environment's demands. This process is mostly complete (frontal lobes last) by the mid to late 20s.

 

[susiestar]

When we moved and sought out a new pediatrician, they thought my son's records were wrong. HIs head size was past the 3rd standard deviation and he (oldest child Wiz) should have been tested for hydrocephaly because his head was so extremely large.

My oldest is definitely wired differently. It takes 3 antidepressants of different types to have him a functional adult. But he is able to recognize this in the last five or so years and it makes all the difference. But we have a great family history of what should have been aspergers/high functioning autism on my dad's side and after around age 20-25, the males become very stable.

We did have my son move out at 14. Just before he was placed we let my parents try to avoid the placement - at their repeated and frequent requests to do so. He knew he would have to go through me to get to his siblings and he did all he could to do that. He was very violent with us. At that point the only options for hospitals were 2-3 days and sadly it was teen hookup hotel at those hotels. I was NOT amused when I learned about it because 2 fo them were busted for having a high number of teens end up pregnant after a few days there. They were closed by the state or taken over by new mgmt due to this. It was astonishing to me.

My oldest needed a very routine and quiet life and with-o that, he could not keep it together. Now he realizes it and this is why he has chosen to NOT have a roommate in his first apartment. He waited until he could afford to pay all the bills himself to move out (I think my mother despaired that she would have to throw him out, lololol - yes I DO find it funny, and now that he is out, well, so does she). Living with 2 younger siblings wasn't easy for him, but at least he finally realizes we were not choosing them over him. He did believe it for a while. Then he realized that we did what all 3 of the kids needed, and that my not being involved with him had NOTHING to do with what I wanted. It was HIS demands that I not be around that created that.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

I can relate to your story on so many levels, Mr. Concerned. I have a 16 year old stepson who behaves in a very similar manner to your ex girlfriend's son. He strangled my wife and expressed zero remorse. He is highly resistant to therapy. He has anxiety and depression but won't take his medications - he is only functional when medicated. Otherwise he is a raging, moody monster. We haven't seen this child since April when at my wife's and my insistence, following multiple ER visits due to his violence in the home (he lives with his father and we have every other week visitation, which has not been happening), he was placed in a partial hospitalization program. His father is a champion enabler and if stepson doesn't want to do something, his father will make sure he doesn't have to do it. This goes for homework, chores, everything. My wife and I have no influence and no say because father will simply override my wife's wishes, decisions etc and give in to stepson.

I have struggled with keeping my nose out of this situation in my own family. I am very sorry that the stress of having such a difficult child has temporarily derailed your relationship with his mom. Hopefully in time you can resume the relationship. I am still working on boundaries. My wife and I are in agreement that this stepson should not be in our home with his current condition raging unmedicated and unameliorated - not that it matters because he refuses to take her calls, let alone see her. He has cut off my wife's entire family. And I am glad for that. He is a danger to himself and others and I see nothing but heartache ahead for him and anyone he comes in contact with, barring a miracle which I don't see coming at this point.

Your ex's son has indeed committed assault by putting his hands on her. I hope she finds the strength to give him the consequences he so desperately needs. Once he is 18 and a legal adult, he will find the courts have no sympathy for people like him,