Facebook question

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Oct 2, 2018.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Ok, so what do you think of this?

    Two adult siblings (over 30) posting happy birthday greetings to their mom on FB (although the mom is not on FB actually) that are so over the top, they are sometimes mistaken as a eulogy? They often have photos...often ones of years ago.

    Things like (I’m NOT NOT NOT exaggerating) I have changed this slightly for privacy:

    “I just want to wish my dearest, bestest mom a happy birthday. Even though she is not on FB. She is the bestest mom a person could have. She has so many skills that she taught me....especially when she was in the arts years and years ago. She shares what she knows with my kids. She likes red lipstick, cute outfits and pistachio nuts. See photo below!!! I want everyone to know how I feel. I love you mom!!!”

    This mom is nice...but ...

    Then, later the other sibling posts something similar complete with photos.

    Every year.

    People close to this situation are amazed. It’s a bit weird...am I right. ????

    Unsure if I would even want such a bizarre happy birthday from my adult child.(Although it’s better than none).

    Wouldn’t a person as old as these adult “kids” “know” this is strange?

    Mind you, this is not a joke. It’s real.
    And...they rarely get her a card or present. It seems hit or miss. But, they seem to remember these weird fb posts...often late in the day or some time in the evening.

    I cringe when I see it as it seems a tad creepy.

    People are interesting.
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2018
  2. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    I see this kind of thing also and I think it’s ridiculous. I know a couple people who do this with spouses that I know don’t always treat each other well in real life. It’s all performative on Facebook. I find it weird, but there seems to be something about social media that makes some people feel the need to put on this kind of show.
     
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  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Elsi...These words you used...”performative” and “show” are soooo very appropriate and accurate. It is so bizarre to me. Outlandish.
    Bordering on inappropriate. Pushing creepy. A bit incongruent. I personally, don’t tend to see this with other FB posts, at least not to this far-out extreme.
    I see things that I would describe as a bit show offy, exaggerated or narcissistic.
    But this deserves some special NEW maladaptive category ....performance!!


    Thank you!
     
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Jumper will post nice things like "Happy birthday. I would not be where I am today without my Dad/Mom. Love you so much!" She posts pictures with us together. I dont use FB but she knows my hub will show me. I like it! I love her kind heart.

    She also writes long kind loving notes on birthday cards. I always cry. I think she does it to be nice. She is not a huge Face booker and doesnt do brag posts to make herself or others look good, which I feel FB is often used for. I call it Brag Book lol. Or "My kid is better than your kid" book. Maybe this is "My Mom is better than your Mom. Haha!" Kind of elaborate.

    I have seen my FOO make elaborate love postings about a few deceased relatives that they did not think were "the best." They dig up old pictures and post them as if they hadnt often admitted the person was actually not a nice person. I a"m amused and it is so silly. At least be honest!! Or just say "Love and miss you" without the Best Ever lie added.

    "My Uncle Ned was a loud jerk who demeaned us but I still loved him and his namecalling is missed" lol rather than a beautiful old photo that says "Best Uncle Ever." But people do what looks good to others in many cases. FB is not an honest medium.

    None of my other kids post in FB. Nor I. My husband reads but doesnt post his oen threads. He likes though.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2018
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I too see these types of posts. I think people post on social media for different reasons. Some have no issue with sharing absolutely everything that goes on in their life, some post mostly political stuff, some post mostly funny stuff and cute animal videos, some are very narcissistic and post only photos and things about themselves. I think for some people social media is also a way for them to project an illusion of a life they hope others will see because they suffer from low self esteem while there are others that are on the other end and like to brag and showboat their life. There are even some people who have a FB page for their dog!
    I don't know that it's weird so much as it's interesting in how people choose what they will post about.
     
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  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I have a friend who has a page for her dog and a friend who had one for her cat - until he passed. The dog friend doesn't really post anything...she did for a few and it was cute. Usually funny dog videos or pics of him. The cat friend occasionally posted as her cat while he was living and it was always funny little cat things; maybe a photo of the cat next to an empty food bowl with "Louie" complaining about not being fed on demand when he was nice enough to wake her up at 5 a.m., that kind of thing. All in good fun.

    I've seen those over the top birthday greetings - 99.9% of the time for people who aren't on Facebook. I never really know what to think of them. I must admit, I've wished my parent's happy birthday - and they're dead - but mine are more, "Mom would have been 90 today. I miss her. Happy birthday Mom." type things. More an acknowledgement of the day. I usually get responses from family and friends who knew her, sharing memories. Those are nice.

    I'd never post the elaborate birthday greetings to elderly people who aren't on line though. That is just weird. But lots of people do it.

    I'd rather see those than all the political bashing. I've had to "snooze" more than one friend lately because I just couldn't take anymore!
     
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  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I thought of having a page for my rescue dog. I love being in contact with other dog lovers. I havent given Jackson that honor yet though:)
     
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  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Lil, your mom was an awesome mom. Of course you commemorate her. I am talking about people who did not have awesome dads and moms and kids and cousins yet post like they were perfect now that they are dead and no longer need to be dealt with. Also I believe the people think it makes THEM look good to put stuff like "Best Ever" on their page and they do get likes and sympathy from friends. This matters to some people. I think its kind of pathetic but thats just me.

    But with FOO (giggle) I know the truth about what was said about Uncle Ned ("he is NOT a nice man" was a common thing) so you cant fool me. I have to assume it is common to glorify the niceness of one who was not, mostly for personal reasons...at least on FB. Some people post every day. FB is to some a huge projection of who they want their circle to think they are. To some, I believe they post the best faces to make others feel smaller but not always. Sadly though to some people...they do feel bad when they see a fake snapshot of a "perfect" family.

    Brag Book.
     
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hey if it's not on FaceBook it didn't happen! LOL Just kidding.

    I think many posters are over the top too.

    My husband is a foodie and likes to post every time we are eating somewhere new and maybe take a picture of the food. He does it more for himself so he can remember where he's been.

    I like to post pretty vacation pictures or pictures of family and friends mainly so I can remember that I do have a great life and great experiences and great friends. It has cheered me up over the past several years while dealing with our son's addiction. Seeing that I am trying to live a normal and meaningful life in spite of it all!

    I think that some do try to pretend all is perfect when in reality there is no such a thing! You have to feel sorry for those folks!
     
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  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Today I did break my no posting rule. It was probably well over a year since I posted last. I had to get in a smarty pants comment about how the Brewers helped knock the Cubs out of the playoffs. I am not a baseball fan, but lived in Chicago once and needed to tweak a few Chicagoans who are still maybe my FB friends. FB is good for THAT too ;)

    I am pure Wisconsinite now! This is home!
     
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  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. I see loving and kind Memorial or commemorative posts and think just that “How loving and / or kind.”
    -My mom would of been 90 today. She was a great mom and I miss her.
    -Happy Birthday to my Dad! He is awesome!

    Whatever....Just kind and appropriate comments.

    But this was soooo over the top. And weird. And was kind of gibber jabber toward the end. A performance.
    To me, there is clearly one or MORE than one underlying motivation for such over the top weirdness...
    * I’m such a good kid...please someone freakin take notice!
    * My mom is better than yours...so there!
    * I’m a better sibling than you cause I can brag bigger and better
    * I secretly wish my mom was different or better but I’m over compensating with this weird as crxp post
    * I forgot it was my mom’s birthday , but that’s ok cause I wrote this diatribe (seeee!!!!)
    *Our family is perfect and we looooveee one another sooooo much. Yes we doo. We are awesome and don’t you forget it...in fact , I won’t let you. (Don’t look behind the curtain or think too much)

    Ugh.
     
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  12. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Someone used the word “projection”... another super interesting thought here and provides some explanation for this over the top stuff.

    Interesting, but sad sad sad. They don’t even realize that if someone gives this a moment’s thought , they would recognize that something ain’t kosher...so to speak.
     
  13. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I said projection. Thats what it is to me. It is a movie of how the poster wants others to think of him.

    "Wow, he has a great job. I should be so smart."

    "Boy, that kid is amazing...and mine barely graduated high school. I feel like a bad mother." Although a childs siccess or failure is not due to parenting skills.

    "Wow, he loved his deceased Uncle Ned. But Ned was probably a wonderful man instead of like my raging alcoholic uncle we had who had always ruined Christmas for us..."

    "Wow, compared to Betty my life sucks. My kids are lacking. My family isnt as loving. My dog is uglier than their dog! Doesnt get any worse!"

    FB reminds me of those age old snail mail Christmas time brag letters that some families included in the envelop with the nicey nice Christmas card. Before the internet.

    But now Facebook is not limited to Christmas. FB is every day to some. It is a way of getting attention to many. A way to impress. To have an audience, even if it is 1000 "friends," many whom dont know you. Positive attention.. Along with other social media stuff...even more inflated...like a YouTube channel or vlog or blog. Everyone/anyone can be an expert or a star and have fans! Of course we dont know their whole stories either. But its show biz in a way. Without the Papparazzi.

    Jmo. Not a FB fan.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 3, 2018
  14. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I don’t mind the posters who post about family, but I get so tired of the endless memes and the pictures of random things people find on the internet and repost endlessly.

    (OK, except that one couple who post endlessly about their social life and name-drop all the celebrities that are IN THE SAME VENUE as they are. Practically best buddies, huh?) They are a minor irritant.....

    Right now, the endless fall/Halloween decorating stuff is big. Not the stuff that they have done themselves (which I love to see) but just random decorations that someone somewhere made, and of course they would like to make themselves but they never do.

    I just don’t have time to wade through it all.