Thich Nhat Hanh
"Sometimes the wounded child in us needs all our attention. That little child might emerge from the depths of your consciousness and ask for your attention. If you are mindful, you will hear his or her voice calling for help. At that moment, instead of paying attention to whatever is in front of you, go back and tenderly embrace the wounded child. You can talk directly to the child with the language of love, saying, “In the past, I left you alone. I went away from you. Now, I am very sorry. I am going to embrace you.”
Yes. We are also not lost because, according to this article below, we are all linked together, connected not only as humans by our experiences, but by an inert gas in the air we breath, that has been present on this earth for eons. Therefore, we are connected to everyone and everything, with every breath we take.And if we don't find it, at least we can know we are still lost, and then, we have hope.
Which is the next thing to faith, and is all we need.
Holding faith with ourselves in the lost places, something once so impossible for us, is the healing.
And then, we remember we are not lost because we navigate by the stars.
Which have seen everything.
"Had they not loved us, we would not be alive to our kindness or pain or joy. We would be dead inside. Instead, we are alive enough to suffer." They loved us, the only way they could. We are still here.It is very much like being lost, Leafy. A decision to stay with those feelings brings words I can try and cast away and try again, coming nearer each time to unraveling spells cast in that wordless time before words. When we understand that the abusers, if they were our parents (and probably this is true for the sibs) is this: Had they not loved us, we would not be alive to our kindness or pain or joy. We would be dead inside. Instead, we are alive enough to suffer.
Yes this what I meant when I wrote it is too hard for my sis to look back at my story. Not only because our perspectives are different, because deep down inside of her she knows.If they loved us, they loved us desperately. They were hurt themselves, to have done what they have done. That is why they lie now. They will not survive knowing what happened. We will never know whether their challenges were so much deeper and more devastating than our own.
Giving us light, because we have been brave enough to ask the questions, to seek answers and solutions. The light has been there all along. The more we know, heal and grow, the greater the flame.So, we will believe they were.
In this, we can find respect for the mothers. (Or the entire Family of Origin.)
And a personal daystar begins to shine, giving us its light.
We are all imperfect humans, trying to do our best. Who can know why one person is this way, or that. As you wrote, Cedar the human spectrum of emotions is a symphony.This is another way of saying they did the best they knew. But for us, for those of us hurt in our childhoods, it will help us to know that what the parents surmounted to do their best by us was horrific.
Then, we can know their bravery, and feel pride in our own blood, again.
This has been brought on by stress.
I need movement, and have been saddled with this class. Four hours, three nights a week. In the nights I have attended, it has been mentioned several times, "You will never have to use this material in your job"
Well hello, then why am I here?
I go to this land today......I am subbing as a rep for a friend who cannot make the annual meeting for the non-profit I was involved with.In a far land of witches and ogres
in a time of princesses on strings
There was come, to those trapped on that I land
a staunch ally, from the Valley of Horses and Kings.
I suppose I could, Cedar, patience and humility. I could devour this book and learn, without the cheat sheets. No one would know. The terminology is intriguing. The book, very differently written from text books of long ago, jumping all over the place with inserts and examples. It is the new way of learning. I guess, I could look at it as a blessing, not a curse. Tread on with courage and not dread. For me. Okay, I will. I can do this. Latin and Greek meets geek. I say geek with the highest regard. I remember you writing that your friends think you are a geek, that is a compliment, I say. The Urban dictionary defines it as this....And there you are today, holding those words in your mind, understanding nuances of thought.
Can you view the class as something given to teach you patience or humility?
Yes, indeed, it is learning another language. How amazing that these ancient languages are still used in our modern world.Learning medical terminology is learning another language.
Leafy, you should be writing a dictionary. I like your definitions!I would say a better definition is "one who thinks out of the box and does not conform to societies norms, is self driven and motivated by their own thought process."
I suppose I could, Cedar, patience and humility. I could devour this book and learn, without the cheat sheets. No one would know. The terminology is intriguing. The book, very differently written from text books of long ago, jumping all over the place with inserts and examples. It is the new way of learning. I guess, I could look at it as a blessing, not a curse. Tread on with courage and not dread. For me. Okay, I will. I can do this.
I missed you too. I am not wholly back.I miss Copa.
It is up to us. We have been through the fire, now to clear the cinders. We will not be afraid of making mistakes and unlocking full potential. Because it was in us all along to be who we are.Step Two is to clear the lies. To negate the lessons the Liar taught us about ourselves ~ about who we were and what we might aspire to.
Cinderella was who she was, nothing could dampen her spirit and courage. She had her values and principles, despite being treated unfairly and horribly by her step mother and sisters. She persevered in the face of difficulties.Because Cinderella was who she was.
Neitzsche's love came first.
For, me, my family was not outrageously dysfunctional, perhaps, mildly. I do think that I found strength and purpose bearing children and am thankful for the blessings.When our children were so beautiful, when they were safe and when we were safe because they were safe, we loved and we healed and we even tried to make family with our still outrageously dysfunctional families of origin.
When the kids went off the rails, it was a pain that ripped to the core of me. Awoke many old, deep feelings. I am sorry Cedar, to suffer when our children suffer, and not have understanding and love from family. That is ugly.The taste of that time is the taste of my childhood. Sneering contempt, laughter, at my pain and confusion, along with: I told you so. I knew it, and I told you so.
We are all imperfect and make mistakes. My kids were quick to point out instances that I wish I could have done a better job. There was a point in my grieving over my two that I felt awfully guilty, but I think that is part of the process. Reviewing and wondering, if I had done this, or that. In the long run, it is up to all of us to find our way out of the fog, even the kids. I would imagine most parents in the throes of this, even ones who did not come through difficult childhoods and dysfunctional families, went through a time of guilt and felt responsible for the choices the kids made. You are not a beggar Cedar. All of the stuff stuck way down deep turns around to this inner voice that can be so negative and self destructive. Remnants of the past came roaring forward. But, we are clearing out the cinders.So, none of this self flagellation I have been doing for all these years had to do with anything real at all. Only my mother. Only the beggar that was me, looking for what I had done, where I had made the misstep that led to what happened to all of us.
Sweep out the cinders.Where we see contempt or disparagement or surprising rage in our inner lives, there we will find the family of origin and the things they taught us about life, and about ourselves, enshrined.
I like that image very much Cedar, how strong the little girl is.And this is us, clearing that material.
“To be sure, man's search for meaning may arouse inner tension rather than inner equilibrium. However, precisely such tension is an indispensable prerequisite of mental health. There is nothing in the world, I venture to say, that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions as the knowledge that there is a meaning in one's life. There is much wisdom in the words of Nietzsche: "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for MeaningThis is the means by which we declare ourselves free of them. In our awareness that we will have been trained to believe ourselves broken and without power ~ which is every abuser's (bully's) primary objective, we learn the nature of the wrongness done us. Once we are aware of it, the wound will heal on its own. We are meant to be whole.
It is a theft. It is the difference between empowering, and power over. The truth, is we never gave them permission to power over. I believe we held on tightly to the part of us they were trying to smother.Abusers abuse with impunity. Their timing may be off sometimes, or they may miss their mark occasionally, but they have a million irons in the fire. That is the piece we are missing. They do not repair relationship. They go away for awhile and reappear, knowing full well where we are vulnerable and, through long practice, just how to go about eliciting our attention. Which is also a theft.