Family craziness

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Nomad, Jul 26, 2017.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Hmmm. Lots of family discussion here. I've almost been lucky to live away from extended family. See them on holidays. But, now we have moved to the same city as many in the family....so now I get to join in on the craziness.

    There is an extended family member, let's call her "C." "C" is well known for being competitive, nosy and overly emeshed with her adult children. She is not technically a family member...very extended. Very.

    But, she is included in all family gatherings, holidays and hosts them at her house at times.

    Her adult children seem to keep things secret from her. I suspect this is because they tire of her competitive nature.

    So, we move to the same city as "C." It wasn't a secret, but no one seems to have told her. She found out by accident. Within a few moments of her finding out, she sends me an email asking if she can stop by to see my new house.

    Hmmm.

    I did not get warm fuzzies with this note/request. It wasn't like a welcome wagon type thing. Of course, I definitely could be reading into it, knowing that she has a long history of being competitive and nosy.

    As a side note....she is the type of person who thinks the person with the biggest house "wins." Wins what? The woman with the most grandkids is best. Huh? Brags on FB a LOT over every little silly dumb insane moronic thing.

    I told her we were overwhelmed with the house move, but when things cleared up, I would have her and her husband over for coffee. I kind of wish she would just wait like others as I will likely have a get together for Christmas. Relatives who are closer to me (she is a DISTANT BIG TIME DISTANT relative...not even sure I could technically call her a relative) are waiting and haven't asked to stop by. I've had a few close relatives over and that's it.

    What would you do?

    It feels a little creepy. Invite this person over who likely is simply comparing her house with mine?

    On one level and for the MOST part...I could care less. It seems immature, silly and SAD. So, on one hand I think I should just have her over for coffee and just think to myself "it is what it is" and if she is indeed comparing etc. like it seems as it might be...so be it. It's sad....just let it go. It's a poor reflection on her...nothing at all to do with me. Take the high road. I'm leaning in this direction.

    On another level, I think I should not participate in this and put her off indefinitely.

    Any thoughts?
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2017
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is a game I have never played and would not start now. I have always been puzzled by those who try to raise probably poor self esteem by measuring who has the best (fill in the blank). Do you want to see her?
     
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    If you want to see her, you could meet at Starbucks or something. If you think she wants to see your house to reinforce how much better she is...and if you think your situation might be all over Facebook...and you don't want to deal with it...meet at Starbucks.
     
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Nomad,

    You don't need to invite her over until you are ready to do so. You can even tell her that you want to wait until Christmas when you host a gathering. She's probably just overly curious about your new house.
     
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Yep. I absolutely will NOT invite her over until I am more ready. The truth is, chances are fairly good, I will be ok with having her over prior to Christmas for coffee. In other words, I will probably have a day or two here and there that things will be calm and if it coordinates with her schedule...so be it. AND, her husband is very pleasant...this is big plus.
    Otherwise, she will have to wait. I think this type of thing we have learned from our Difficult Child. NOT to put ourselves last. NOPE.

    These "things" sometimes end up being weird philosophical questions.

    I am doing my best to sticking to what I mentioned to Pigless (at least this is what I'm currently thinking...reserve the right to change my mind...LOL)...with relatives...
    1. be polite
    2. not expect much
    3. avoid gossip

    However, if someone is abusive, this changes and avoid avoid avoid.

    She has not crossed the line of abusive with me. I DO think it is likely a game...just not sure. It is definitely her issue and not mine. More, VERY annoying , and a little sad.

    PS Very much appreciate getting this input and also getting this off my chest. Thank you!
     
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I have to note that she wants to see your house and not "you".

    I think I'd be more inclined to invite someone over that wanted to see "me" than the house! Unless of course it's someone you are otherwise close to and they are excited to see your new home! I do get that but you said that's not the case here.

    Agree with others. Invite her when you are ready...or not!
     
  7. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    RN....ABSOLUTELY. I think you solved the mystery. (Other than the super long line of incidents of nosiness and competitiveness already in her background) YES, she did not once mention wanting to see me. UGH. She is very transparent.
    Also, I have recently greatly reduced my time on FB for a variety/many reasons, but she was probably number one. If I rolled my eyes any more, I was worried, they would permanently pop out of my head.



    Love this: > "Invite her when you are ready...or not!" Bingo. You all are awesome!
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Nomad, your home is your sanctuary, your safe space. You invite people in when YOU are ready, not when they demand to come in. The woman made a very rude demand to come see your home and probably never had anyone tell her no.

    Please be the first. Let her no that you won't be hosting house tours in the near future. At some point if she is interested in seeing you, in visiting with you, maybe schedules would permit her husband, herself, your husband, and yourself to meet at a coffeehouse. I bet she will be flabbergasted by the suggestion.
     
  9. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Nomad, sadly, I learned from my dad that some people want to come see your stuff, not you. Years ago, we had a rather large shed installed in the backyard. My dad and the Cactus Queen made a special trip over to see the new shed. A shed!
    About a week later we installed a new toilet. I asked my husband if I should throw a new toilet viewing party.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Pigless...how amusing! You should have! Thanks for sharing youf humor there!
     
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    LOL Pigless - it's a potty party!
     
  12. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Don't play the game, we found out a friend of my husband's was so curious about the home we purchased they came over before we were due to move in and looked in the Windows!!! I find this jaw. dropping...

    Needless to say we had one dinner out with them and that was it in the last 9 yrs. Guess they didn't find it impressive enough! Lol
     
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