Feel so bad for dear sister in law....her Difficult Child ousted her

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jan 5, 2018.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My sister in law and brother in law, who we have grown very close to, are moving to Alaska soon to be with their only child and her husband.

    Technically this is not their only child, but in reality, it is. She is very close to them, which is good, because oldest daughter has shunned them for eight years now and a grandson is involved.

    Older daughter was always a Difficult Child, attitude wise, but did not get into legal trouble or school trouble and made the honor role. For a long time she has been telling everyone that she was abused (you know how that goes,) while accepting cars and toys and two weddings from her parents. At her first wedding she told the pastor she was abused, then told her parents smuigly she had said so. They were very hurt, but didn't want to really go there so they let it drop.

    They did spank her. They had strict but not unreasonable rules and she was not spanked anywhere but her butt with a hand when she was little. Her younger sister does not remember abuse. She does remember older sister yelling a lot and once lifting her arm to strike her mother but she didn't do it

    This older child joined the military, zoomed through boot camp then hurt her back and had to be discharged. She started taking opioids for pain. S I L was never sure how much she took but used to urge her to get evaluated for possible addiction. That got daughter mad. But at that time Daughter did not cut ties.

    In the meantime she married her second husband and had a darling grandson who my S I L baby sat a few times a week while both were at work. She was crazy about the boy. Husband was aloof and hostile.

    One day out of the blue, everyone in the family including younger sister who she had been very close to and elderly grandmother, received a letter stating that she was cutting off everyone in the family (no explanation) and that nobody better contact them ever again. The parents tried and she just hung up. The grandson, around four at the time, has not seen them since. Nobody has seen.them since.

    They still have no idea why. She was sent an invitation to her younger sisters wedding and sent her a short text stating she isn't going and would not engage further.

    It has been a long time. The in laws are talking about writing her out of their will. They worked very hard and have money. In Alaska they plan on helping young daughter buy a house and are buying one too.

    Older daughter is a nurse makes good money, not sure what her husband does but they are doing fine. Plus oldest gets money from military for her injury. Still S i l in law and especially bro in law struggle with totally cutting her out. She will definitely not get what youngest will because youngest is a kind and caring daughter. They do not plan on informing oldest daughter when and where they move and she won't know as she is not in touch with anyone in the family. Maybe she will k ow from social media if she looks.

    So just sharing another difficult child story. She is probably in her middle 30s by now. The younger one is still in her 20s as they had them far apart, although same parents...no divorce there. Married at eighteen and still married.

    Youngest daughter met her hubby in Wisconsin at college then they both transferred to Alaska as he is from there and that's how Alaska happened. So visiting Alaska is now on our agenda.

    Just sharing. Have a good day!
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
  2. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    SWOT, Just goes to show that so many people are dealing with this kind of grief. There are many people that just don't talk about it or share it with others, some people are too embarrassed or too broken and wore out from it. I hope you have a fabulous time when you visit your sister in law in Alaska.




     
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  3. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Both of our troubled sons have ousted us. It is a never ending pain, especially for my wife. I will never understand this kind of thinking. We hope as the boys grow older and become adults they will realize we are not their enemy.
     
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It is common these days. Family is not all that important anymore. Sometimes divorce is the catalyst. Sometimes it is their meanness. Sometimes it makes no sense. But I have read it is epedemic all over the world.
     
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am estranged from many of my siblings. Most because of their continued drug and alcohol abuse, one because she is a toxic self medicating bipolar who took advantage of my father in his last days of life and contributed to his death. My final sibling is a man who must have mental health issues and is plain nasty and disruptive. I engage with one brother at a distance as he is a life long alcoholic and pot addict. He is a kind hearted person despite his addictions, and 1 sister who I I am blessed to have in my life. My parents are deceased and I have cousins but rarely see them.
    We are close to 2/3 siblings in my husbands family although they are in the UK. His sister we are in contact with by e mail. She self isolates as she is an alcoholic. His mother has passed away and his father is elderly and frail.

    I wish I had more family connectivity. It is what it is.
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    After a lifetime of trying hard to work on it with my sister, in between all the times she cut me out of her life for reasons of her own, I finally realized, she thinks really poorly of me and my intentions and will never stop hurting me. So I am done.

    This will sound goody to some... I had a psychic reading with my very accurate psychic medium who knows nothing about me and my sister,but she is amazing. She freaked me out with accuracy again saying that we have a kamac relationship and that sis does not tend to change her ideas, thoughts, feelings and that she and I are actually alot alike and that when she sees something about me that she doesn't like, it mirrors herself, but she steadfastly refuses to see the traits in herself. There was more, but that really struck me as accurate. A better description doesn't exist. In general she said that I either had to accept how she is and let things go or it won't work.

    I won't let her insult and blame me ever again. It won't work. So we are now not in contact. And I don't want to try another time.

    I don't miss her. I don't care about having DNA connections I am happy with my husband and amazing kids. This same psychic raved about my relationship with my husband other kids, especially Jumper, and she didn't know them either but it was very accurate and upliting. Yes, I am a kook ;) Gone boy had interesting comments too but anyway....


    There are good reasons sometimes for cutting ties to people society says we should not release. Sometimes it is family abuse or drug abuse. Sometimes this happens for no good reasons too. But, in the end, nobody should be forced to interact with somebody that makes you feel small or always misunderstood. I get it.

    As for my b I L and s I L both are used to it by now and are doing well and very anxious to join their kind daughter in Alaska. They don't talk about older daughter much and are moving on.


    Lost, I am sorry you don't have a bigger family, at least more kids. Hugs!



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    Last edited: Jan 5, 2018
  7. This will sound goofy to some... I had a psychic reading with my very accurate psychic medium who knows nothing about me and my sister,but she is amazing. She freaked me out with accuracy again saying that we have a kamac relationship and that sis does not tend to change her ideas, thoughts, feelings and that she and I are actually alot alike and that when she sees something about me that she doesn't like, it mirrors herself, but she steadfastly refuses to see the traits in herself. There was more, but that really struck me as accurate. A better description doesn't exist. In general she said that I either had to accept how she is and let things go or it won't work.

    Somewhere, I don't think you're a kook. I have had psychic readings too. Things like meditation and energy healing have really helped me deal with our difficult child and his issues.
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Some people think it's kooky. I have a hardcore believe that our energy exists forever. And our conciisness.

    More than the bit about my sister, what she said about my kids was spooky accurate

    This psychic medium didn't know I have any kids. I didn't give her any back story, she lives in another state and this was over the phone and my FB is unused, pretty not used, mostly posts from dog rescues. She has no idea that Gone boy is my child or gone. I didn't ask about them by identifying who they were.
     
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I also saw a psychic last year to see if I could find out what was going to happen to our son.

    She said he would be on and off for another decade. UGH. Not what I wanted to hear.

    She also said she did not see him dying from the disease of addiction. That was good. She says she has seen that in other cases.

    She said my sister will never be able to give me what I need. She did not know anything about our relationship.

    She said my mother is my son's angel in heaven that watches over him because she understands his struggle. She was an alcoholic so also an addict. I did not know what either of these words even meant when she died - I was 15.

    I think many of us have estranged family and many times it has nothing to do with "us" at all.

    That falls in line with the thinking that we cannot control anyone else but ourselves.
     
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  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Ok...one more psychic story. About 15 years ago I "found" my first cousin on a genealogy website that had a forum for our kind of unusual last name. Her mom was my dads sister. About 12 years ago we finally met when husband and I flew to meet her. We shared family stories and photos. She only met my dad once, my parents flew to California so he could see his sister who's health was failing. 6 weeks later my father passed during the night. The next morning, before my mom could call his sister, her daughters called my parents because their mom passed the same night! She passed about 2 hours after my father.

    My cousin said she and her sister had a dejavu moment...about 5 years before our parents passed, she, her sister and a couple of friends had a group reading. They asked about their mom, and the psychic said she would live for a few more years, but when she passes, she saw a man with white wavy hair reaching out his hand to help her cross over. They thought it was strange, as they didn't know any one by that description.

    Then they thought of my dads visit to his sister just the past month...and he had a full head of white wavy hair, and when he was at their home, he was always offering his hand to help her stand up.

    We both just sat their and cried...even though 20 years had passed since our parents death, we knew they were together. They had not been able to see each other for 40 years, as his sister and her husband left Oklahoma after the dust bowl days and the Great Depression. They both died in 1983.

    Ksm. (Who has never had a reading)
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Psychic experiences, unable to be explained away by science, happen all the time. You don't need a psychic medium. Sometimes people wake up the middle of the night just feeling something is wrong with Dad to find Dad had passed at the same time you woke up. People report seeing their loved ones who passed.

    I have a short story that happened to my cousin's little boy when he was three. He was a totally normal little boy who has never been strange his entire life.

    After his grandma passed, he came down and said to his mother very seriously, " I just heard Grandma talk to me. She said 'Dont worry about me, K. Just be happy." Then he ran off to play. When asked about it again he insisted it had been her.

    I totally believe we go on and on and come back again. I feel it has been proven to me.
     
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  12. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    My youngest Difficult Child had her own "voices" at age 3. She and her older brother and sister were in foster care for several months. One time, the foster mom asked me to pick up littlest at Head Start as her child was having tonsils out.

    I had her in back seat of the car and she told me some one had been whispering in her ear! I asked her if that was at Head Start, and she said no. Foster Family? No. Me: so has been was whispering in your ear? Difficult Child: I think it's God. Me: what does he say to you? Difficult Child: "Alyssa, don't be afraid!" Tears...

    A couple years later, after we had adopted, I asked her if she still heard God whispering to her and she said yes. Then asked me if I heard God when he talks. I said that sometimes, adults don't hear him as well as children do. She said, well the next time we talk, I will tell him to talk to you louder!!

    I wish I had that little girl back... I know she's in there... Ksm
     
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  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Awwwww. That's so cute! And I believe it! And of course she is still there. Somewhere.

    Then again some psychic people do hear from Spirit. I have learned (and believe) that voices from mental illness are dark and often threatening, but if it is from Spirit, the voices are kind and very not scary.

    My Princess had had many predictive dreams and swears in third grade that she saw my grandma outside her window at school. I think granddaughter is going to be on the psychic side too.