Today I have a therapy appointment, but after being on this forum, I don't feel quite the same urgency to go as before. I am amazed at how much this site has helped me. I tried AL-anon before but apparently became associated with an older group (not age wise but in duration), who the members seem to not want to reach out unless at a meeting which was ran strictly on time and in format. I tried to get a sponsor but none of them wanted to have phone calls or contact after the meeting. I was disappointed since my therapist had recommended going, and I know there may have been other meetings that may have been different, but that was closest to my home during the high gas prices of 5 years ago, so I stuck with therapy. As I listen to all your stories I am amazed at how many other people are dealing with the same stuff I am. Someone on here said that what we have to do is the opposite of what the natural instincts of a mother/father would be and that is correct. I fight the urge daily to conjure up ways to "fix" both of my difficult adult children, all the while knowing that at my age I should be paying attention to my own needs (which I do most of the time except during a crises when everything gets put on hold). Someone also said (TanyaM?) that grieving for the child you used to know is hard and I know that letting go of what you wanted for them is one issue that I share with others. I can see in my mind ways that they can overcome these problems, but when I pose these suggestions to either of them I get all kinds of statements which all resemble indignance at my thinking they should have to do THAT, what ever that is. So, I am going to therapy today and continuing on this forum, trying to take care of myself and do the best I can to have a nice life in spite of all this. Update on my daughter: she is working, has an apartment, running vehicle and seems ok for now. I am feeling very grateful for that today!!