AD,
Hi there. Isn't it nice to have a place to come and type the words: My son hit me in the face and my son tells me how he is going to kill me in the future and no one flips out of the boat and swims to shore? Know why? been there done that, took the medications, saw the doctor, still in counseling, still taking medications, still seeing the doctor & still tweaking. For us it's been eleven years.
There are those here that could tell you stories about their four year olds (back when) that would make your son's story seem very insignifigant, but since each child is different no one here can say for certain "Ah yes Andrea your son for certain will murder someone without medications or he won't ever do that if he doesn't have medications." That choice is yours as a parent.
And (sadly) at five you must be sitting there thinking "medications?" "What about his liver, his heart, his spleen." with perfect reason for alarm. Anti-psychotics are pretty heavy duty, imagine the fear most of us here with older kids faced when there wasn't any research on the effects of these medications on children and a doctor handed them to us. My son is now 16 and has been on 64 medications. Has it helped? Some. Has it cured him? No. Did I ever expect a pill to? Sure. Was I wrong about that? Yes. Pills don't cure children with mental illnesses. They assist the brain of the child to get a calmer perspective on day to day activities so a behavior specialist can work with the child and the family to formulate a plan and goals for correcting behavior. I wish someone had told me this years ago.
So what's the sense in considering medication? What's the sense in considering crutches when you break a foot? About the same difference. It's a help, not a cure. If you break a foot you still need to see the doctor, have therapy, and be monitored.
As far as him hitting you in the face? WOW! Now there is a behavior that needs to be corrected NOW and never EVER repeated. But how? I'm curious what your psychologist said for him to do the next time he had a rage? If you don't give him a coping technique to replace the bad behavior with the next time he rages what's he supposed to do? How will you address this? Do you think it would be helpful to get schooled in therapeutic holds? It was a life saver for my nose and face. difficult child is 16 and still being restrained by people when he rages so it does work to keep the child and staff safe. Him crying after a rage and saying "I'll never do it again" is not helpful. He doesn't want to be 'bad', you dont' want him to behave 'bad', but I don't hear (read) anyone teaching him a way to cope with this anger. I'd probably attack that first with a psychologist, and get some family therapy.
My DF had SUCH a FIT when difficult child's psychiatrist suggested 2 sessions a week. OMG you would have thought someone said "May I have your hunting rifle for life please?" Like it was a death sentence. THe first 1 hour session was for difficult child alone. This worked on CBT or cognitive behavior therapy. "RE-mapping" his brain for good behavior. It's not easy, it takes years, and it's hard. The second session for 1 hour was for the family. Mostly for us to go in and say things like "OMG you won't BEEEEEEEELIEVE what this kid did this week....and then for the parents who did NOT want to even go to therapy.....we blah balh blah for over 45 minutes...and GOOD GOD what a release. Then the last 15 minutes was a "What to work on the next week plan" and after 3 years of this...it's just starting to be a natural thing to not react, or yell, or freak out, and we are BOTH MUCH better parents for difficult child and have a better relationship with each other. difficult children LIVE to conquer and divide....slow and methodical your relationship goes right in the crapper. And you don't even know it. Therapy helped us all. Now we call it date night. Sounds nerdy, but it's been a no miss date for us, then a little dinner, more communication....and easier living at home.
Didn't mean to drag on....but have much to say when it comes to parents who are on the fence about so many things. It's a scary dang world we live in. And we love our kids, no doubt about that. Some days I didn't like my kid. Wow - really don't miss saying that every day. But if I were back where you are with a 5 year old that I had and mine by the way DID want to kill me, and I did NOT take him to the hospital. (was still with dysfunctional bio dad) but at age 6 when he tried to kill the neighbor boy with a hay scythe? YUP.....we went to the ER, got an evaluation, went in the state mental hospital, got on medications and it's been Mr. Toads wild ride ever since.
Hugs for your indecisions
Star
