Free Yourself from your Childhood Family Role

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, May 21, 2015.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Interesting for those inspecting where they stood in their FOO and how to get free of it. Really good article. Which role did you have? I was the outcast, but more and more I am feeling free because I have let go completely and want nothing more to do with FOO. Can't be an outcast of a group you don't identify with. This kind of "new identity", which is identifying with my current family, has been very helpful. My healing is really coming along since the day that triggered my need to explore the why of it....Insightful for anyone trying to find where they are in this world and maybe why we treat our other loved ones the way we do...I think outcasts love too much sometimes because we didn't have it and we want to give it. I have to ask myself if this is a bad thing. I mean, unless you get clingy and overly involved in your loved ones personal life; that isn't good for you or them. I know that.

    But my heart speaks to my REAL family. I so appreciate all those people in my life who love me unconditionally...maybe appreciate it more than people who always had this. What about you?
  2. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I love the idea of this SWOT, but I am on overload this morning. I will read the article later. You always post exactly what I need when I can hear it, somehow. (Remembering the articles and discussion around the issue of abusive adult children, here.)

    Thank you for posting for us, SWOT. I appreciate. I will read it later, when I can take it in.

  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Wow. I bookmarked it and will send it to daughter and son. Daughter will read it, or maybe she already knows. She has been through so much therapy. Son will ~ I never do know what son is going to do with these things I find helpful. Laugh at me probably, or stop talking to me again for a million years.

    Thank you for posting the link, SWOT. I liked that they posted things we might try once we identify our roles. I liked it too, that the difference between a functional and a dysfunctional family was not that the roles were there, but that fluidity between the roles had evaporated in the face of traumatic life events.

    That makes sense to me; I can apply it easily to how things went from bad to worse to the point that no one could hear anyone else. It also give us a kind of a map for how things will look as the rigidness of the roles dissolves and fluidity is available to the family again. Maybe that explains why, when we believed we were losing our daughter, all tht mattered was to hear her voice, and to laugh with her and just be ourselves.

    No fear. The worst thing was happening, and all I knew then was that none of the things that had seemed so important mattered. Only she did, and I was so happy to have had her in my life.

    Great article.

    Thank you, SWOT.

  4. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Forgive me for sounding incredibly naïve, but what does FOO stand for? I have been trying to figure it out and I just can't for the life of me come up with what it means. I am blonde, remember, so cut me a little break!
  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Family of origin :)
  6. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Thanks, SWOT. I never would have guessed that!
  7. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Ha! I know. It sounds like Chinese food.

    She will have the Kung Bow Chicken, and I will have the FOO.

    Which could be like, egg foo young without the eggs. And without whatever the young part is. "I will just have the FOO, straight up."


  8. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    In some parts of Wales, 'foo' or 'foo-foo' is used as a slang term for female genitals.

    ... just thought I'd share that with you :)

    (You can imagine what I was thinking when I read that SWOT was wondering what people thought about their foo.)
  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I'll just have the Chinese, then.

    No thank you on the FOO part.

    That is hilarious. To think we were posting bad words ~ really bad words ~ and never even knew it!!!!

    Here is a story.

    So, my Book Discussion Group was looking for a more welcoming name than "Ladies of the Lakes". One of us came up with "Tea Bags". Which was totally clever, so we thought, because we were all female, all "women of a certain age", and all drank tea. So, we had that name, and we printed it on our stuff, and we talked about ourselves that way all the time. And then, one day, one of the moms' adolescent son told her "Tea Bag" was a verb describing something very naughty that had to do with testicles.

    So now?

    We are Ladies of the Lakes again, and darn proud of it.


    "Just close your eyes and think of England, dear."