Nichole had to come down to pick up her FASFA refund check from school. So we decided yesterday (it's 1am here lol) would have to be the day to take katie to lunch. easy child had to do a CPR class refresher for work so couldn't come. I hadn't seen or talked to katie since beggar's nite last thursday.....all I had were notes from her hand carried via her husband. Don't ask me why she doesn't use the phone........because I don't have a clue. But I was beginning to worry anyway. So we stopped by the motel. No I didn't call first. I mean they never call first before coming here so I figure fair is fair. I knew they'd be in bed......it was 11:30 am.......didn't care. Her husband answered the door. I told him Nichole and I were kidnapping her for a Girls Lunch. That got katie's attention and she sat up in bed........so I asked her if she was up for going to lunch. This "sick" person couldn't get out of bed fast enough. hmmmm We ate at our authentic mexican restaurant. I'd wanted to talk about her life with her husband, her hopes, dreams, plans, ect. Well, it didn't quite work out that way. I just had a gut feeling it just wasn't the right moment. But we did have fun and she did get a good meal. And Aubrey is absolutely thrilled to have another aunt......and made that quite clear. lol I'm not sure why I got strong vibes the timing wasn't right. It was just the way she looked.......I dunno........sort of pathetic. I don't mean that in a mean way......just kinda whipped, overwhelmed sort of thing. And I figured the last thing she needed was to feel like we're ganging up on her. Katie is no actress........so it wasn't an act. Actually she was being social and all. But she didn't want to go back to the motel. After lunch we went to walmart. Nichole needed a couple things and Katie needed one of those glasses repair kits because she'd lost the screw to her frame and her lens kept popping out every few seconds........and I told her while we were there to go ahead and pick up things she needed food wise. She asked if I was going to cook supper and I said no.......I'd been gone most of the weekend and had a pile to wash. I was a bit surprised to see her look crushed at that. I mean it's not like they'd go hungry.......she has her food stamps. She asked if she could cook dinner tonight at my house and I told her sure, I'd do up the dishes. I don't think it was the food she was coming for......I think it was just being with us. She perked right up once I said she could cook. We headed home about 2pm......so Nichole asked her if she wanted to come to my house or go back to the motel...........Katie flat out said she didn't want to go back to the motel. Not that I blame her, that room is small at best.....not much to do, a bored husband and 4 yr old Evan on top of it. So we stuffed the groceries she'd bought into my frig and settled down here to visit more. I swear to all that is holy her husband has unbelievable timing. He showed up not 10 mins after we got here. Katie was not happy.......she was obviously looking forward to the break. She asked if she could do some laundry while she cooks tomorrow. I said sure.........and if she wants to escape again she can leave husband and Evan at the motel. She liked that idea....... a lot. But lord only knows if her husband will stay at home. ugh Like I said, he sticks to her like stink on poo. geez So maybe we'll get some more time to visit tomorrow and we can do some real catching up without her having to watch what she says ect. She did tell me today that when her husband gets bored out of his mind he'll walk over here for something to do. (it drives me nuts) I guess that explains that, sort of.......except he doesn't do anything over here except drive me nuts. lol ugh Something is going on with katie. She wants so desperately to be a part of the family again.....I can see it in her eyes and she's trying so hard with that. And yet I sense she's beginning to feel hopeless........Is hopelessness and depression the same? I mean she has a reason to feel that way after so long of being homeless......but I don't quite see them as the same thing. Or maybe it's just me....... Not sure of where I'm going with this because I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm dealing with as far as Katie is concerned. And I don't feel close enough to her yet ..........yes I know that sounds weird, she's my kid, but not seeing her for 8 yrs and only talking by emails the past 2 is not really being all that close ya know? A lot of stuff happens in that amount of time.......to just dive in and say Girl tell me what's on your mind. Although I may have to. I just don't want to approach it the wrong way. And then of course there is her husband who completely drives me right off the deep end. If I get him anymore pegged someone needs to pay me a psychiatrist's salary. lol Doesn't matter that I get that quite a bit of the behavior is pure gfgdom and can't be helped, some of it has developed as a coping mechanism due to being mentally slow, unable to read.......so he is as dependent on katie as the kids are.......and he literally clings to her, his behavior still drives me crazy and grates on my nerves to the nth degree. I have to constantly remind myself he is NOT younger than Travis so I don't treat him as such. ugh But I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about Katie. D*mn. Why can't this stuff ever be easy? I think I'm going to have to figure out a way to keep her coming over here without it killing us money wise. Suppers I guess I can grin and bare.......but she'll have to pay for the meals the nights she eats here. husband and I simply can not pay to feed 8 anymore. And no, she still can't come here once the money for motel rent runs out. Even if I wanted to, which I don't........there is no way we can afford it. It would put us in their position. Otherwise I'd tell her she and the kids could come but her husband would have to find a shelter cuz I can't take that man her 24/7. omg But I can't even do that. Hmmmmm. I need to find ways to get katie alone more often. That's not going to be easy. Sorry........this started out as sort of an update.......but wound up me trying to sort out my thoughts again. Like I said.........katie has never been, nor ever will be an actress. When I look at her........she reminds me of a lost child. And I'm not so sure what I'm supposed to do as that lost child's Mom.