Going away for a few days ... leaving difficult child behind.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by goldenguru, Oct 24, 2007.

  1. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    We are driving 450 miles to see our son at his college. While I'm very excited to have this quality time with him - I'm actually nervous about leaving difficult child 'behind' so to speak.

    I know this is craziness. She is 19. Married. A mother. Very capable of managing her own life. Her husband is a very wonderful attentive capable young man. I know I leave her in wonderful hands.

    Intellectually I know this is a good thing. But, emotionally it doesn't feel quite so good.

    Like I said - craziness. I know.

    But ... um ... have you ever experienced such craziness? It's comforting to know you're not crazy alone. :wink:

  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Oh, I think this is a "cute" post. Sorry, I don't mean it to sound condescending, I just think it's sweet.

    GG, you summed it up in your second paragraph. She's a mom and an adult and is married to a great guy. This will be a wonderful opportunity for them to show you how capable they are individually and as a couple.

    Go. Have fun. Let them surprise you (I hope in a GREAT way!).

    Fingers crossed.

  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hard when they truly grow up, isn't it? I know it sounds stupid but I'm rather glad mine is not quite ready to be an adult. I'm not ready. Like you, I'd be worried sick if I weren't around in case she needed me.

    Here's your sword (sorry, no scissors available to cut those apron strings ... you use them now and I'll come get them when my time comes. :sword:
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Have fun gg.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I thinks it's just sinking in that difficult child is all grown up. :smile:

    Go, and have a wonderful time.

  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Aw gg, go have a nice visit, just H and you. How nice.

    Your daughter will be fine - as you've said in your own post. I know I will be shaking in my boots the first time I leave my difficult child home "alone" (without me)! Hopefully, that won't be for a while and she will be in a better place. sigh.

    Go enjoy this moment~
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I too was thinking that is what cell phones are for.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Not crazy, maybe a bit PTSD. But, what do you want when you have a difficult child?!??!!
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I get it. But go enjoy your son.

  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I think it's not always so easy to accept that they have grown up and maybe don't need us as much as they used to. I know I couldn't wait for the day my difficult child didn't need me so much, but now sometimes I actually miss it.

    Go, have fun, enjoy!!!!
  11. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    The mommy in me misses being needed. PCson and PCdaughter are so independent. difficult child is working on it, but is still needy when depressed. I missed being needed. I miss being the one they run to for advice or nurturing on a daily basis. I miss being a mommy.
  12. Penta

    Penta New Member

    My almost 19 year old is not married, lives at home and although she is quite independent and resourceful, she is dyslexic and has some other processing difficulties, so I do get a little anxious when I go away.

    I remember the first time I left her behind, pretty much on her own and I went about 600 miles away, right after she came back from Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She was 16 and was taking a summer class and would go over to my son's to spend the weekend. She did fine navigating the bus system and finding my daughter in law at the university where she worked. She had a great weekend and was waiting for me at home when I returned. I'm going to the desert southwest in December and she will stay home alone in our new city for 5 days with our dog. She has a car now and my son and his wife live nearby. I'm sure she will do fine...yes, I will have a little anxiety in the back of my mind, but that's a normal parent thing, I think.

    I hope you have a good weekend with your son.
  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: everywoman</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The mommy in me misses being needed. PCson and PCdaughter are so independent. difficult child is working on it, but is still needy when depressed. I missed being needed. I miss being the one they run to for advice or nurturing on a daily basis. I miss being a mommy. </div></div>

    I missed it for a while with difficult child, but I got over it quick. When I think back to the drama of when he really needed me and what that did to my life, I don't miss it anymore.

    When your children don't need you in that way anymore, it means you did a good job raising them to be independent adults. That is a good thing. You are still there mother, just in a different role. Now you can visit and leave the problems behind. :its_all_good:
  14. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    UPDATE: I'm using the hotel computer.

    Things are going well.

    I don't have cell phone coverage up here ... which is probably a good thing because she would have called/I would have called too much. This is forcing a seperation which is good.

    I called and gave her emergency numbers at the hotel. She told me the baby is sick ... but she's dealing just fine.

    Thanks for the encouragement ladies. Can't tell you how much it means to me.

    Hugs from very Northern Michigan.
  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    :bravo: Wahoo for you for going away and :bravo: Wahoo for difficult child for managing!

    I'm so pleased to hear the relief in your cyber-voice. Now go play and have FUN! :smile:

  16. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks for your reply to everywoman because I feel just like her too. I miss being needed. My daughter just got married, my difficult child is in jaiil and my easy child son is at home with us - he is 17. We are teaching him to be independent also. But it is still hard when you miss them. I appreciate your input on that.
  17. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I think this warrants a topic all of its own. I'll start it...