Good and bad news

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Oct 18, 2011.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    The good news is that preacher got replaced. I haven't had the emotional wherewithal to contact the new one; yet.

    The bad news is that my mother is talking to X's parents. After I told her not to. She doesn't understand that X will take anything she says (from the size of our house to what we eat for dinner) and try to turn it into court fodder. She should understand. I've explained it many times. I feel betrayed. And so stupid for trusting her again. I have this idea of what a mother daughter relationship should be like. It is far from reality, but I keep basing my actions on that fantasy that I want and getting hurt when she betrays my trust yet again.

    I need to read more on the parent emeritus forum about detaching.

    husband just brought me chocolate.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    At least you know that he CARES!
    And yes, chocolate is a stress-reliever on many levels (medically proven, too!)
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Yay for husband!

    Sorry about your mom. And I know it's rough. And I know you wish it were different. BUT I think she does to. I think she's trying to "fix" things for HER child.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Sweetie, my mother in law is just like this. She didn't like bio, but anything I said about husband, she would twist around and tell the KIDS. Ugh.

    We tell her almost nothing. It works. And we don't see her often, either.

    It really hoovers when you can't trust a family member...
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Glad the preacher is gone....yay!

    Sounds like your Mom is trying to "fix" things - which so many of us do. I just had a pretty big argument with my Mom about this same thing. She was just barreling into Matt's life and taking charge - and it wasn't OK. He is a grown man. But I had to really call her on it, and tell her how it was affecting him for her to get it. I am still not sure if she would know to stop if another situation presented itself to her....sometimes Mom's are just hardwired to FIX. It stinks for those of us who are their daughters - but all we can do is try to help them see how it affects us or others.

    (Of course look at what I did - stick up for Matt to my Mom. He could have done it himself. Yes, it takes awhile to stop "fixing".)
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2011
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hugs, sorry that you can't have the relationship with your mom that you imagined. It's just the way it is at time. Kudos to your H for knowing what you need.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm thrilled you are pigging out on chocolate....that should kick in some sense of calm soon, lol. I don't know your history with your Mom but it "may" be that since your difficult child reached out to her that she feel obligated to follow through. I know it's impossible to understand until you are much older (sigh!) but the protective love you feel for your little children will still exist when they are middleaged and beyond. I'm hoping she does no harm and that the visit goes smoothly and with-o repercussions. Hugs. DDD
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    At least she is out of state and the only info she is going to be getting about the rest of the family is through difficult child 1 now. Basically the same info X gets from him. She has a great relationship with difficult child 1 and there are times he opens up to her that he wouldn't with anyone else. For that reason she will still have contact with him. Yes, she is looking out for HER child. She thinks of difficult child 1 as hers. She isn't going to get info about the other kids now. The sad thing is (at least it breaks my heart and I get mad about it) she won't miss them or really care. She probably won't even notice I've stopped talking about them.

    More chocolate. And going to read more about detachment.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sorry for all of this...but yay the preacher is gone. Lets hope the new one is more understanding!
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    He was her first. He reaches out. I hope she doesn't have evil intent. on the other hand, it is valuable for a difficult child to have someone that they feel free to share with outside of Mom. I honestly have my fingers crossed and am saying prayers for difficult child.
    Hugs to you....parenting is complex with an Ex, been there done that! DDD