I am changing my post again. I will change it forever it I have to! I am trying so hard to be what everyone else is. I want to be that strong. I dont want to go visit my son and it makes me feel guilty. He wants me to come but when I see him I just want to cry instead of be angry. I have to really prepare myself. My husband doesnt go. He is tired of going up there but I feel he needs someone. I just cant go yet. My emotions are so raw that I would just crumble I think. I have to take care of myself. I wrote him a letter telling him I would come visit but not right now it upsets me too much. I do grieve. I am trying to get my husband to go somewhere. He is locked into deer hunting! Sometimes I feel I just get left out. What do I do about that?