Guilted into forging on??

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Toomanytears, Dec 23, 2018.

  1. Toomanytears

    Toomanytears Member

    I found this excerpt from an article this morning. It was about politics and having different views within the family.

    Can this also be the same feelings for the substance abuser and his family?

    “It’s strange ― with romantic attachments, we’re taught to recognize the red flags and act accordingly. ... But with our family relationships, we’re often guilted into staying no matter how toxic the situation.”
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I think its true of family. Period. I would have left my family of origin early on if family love had not been so promoted. I watched The Beaver and the Bradys and really believed I would be a bad person to not stick by my family, no matter how I was treated.

    With kids we are so brainwashed that we stay even when they physically abuse us and financially deplete us. Plus we love them so much that we allow them to batter us in every way before we let go. Eventually though many do give up. It IS a form of domestic abuse, child or not.
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2018
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member


    I would add one thing or two. I think the bond between a mother and child is biological, whether or not the child is bio or not. (Oh how much harder it is to see let alone to act upon these red flags, than in the political, the cultural, even the romantic realms).

    But I believe there is an imperative for even a mother, to individuate; to not lose herself, her voice, her being.

    When our unique story which is us comes to be shadowed by forces that subsume, overpower, endanger, silence, consume, negate, criticize....

    I am seeing in my own life it is time to stop. In my tracks. And to dedicate myself to see where I am. And to decide where I go. Even if it means being more alone.

    For me the limiting factor may be guilt. Or responsibility. Or fear. Of abandonment? I am unsure. But the thing is, if I abandon myself where am I?

    The question is where is the pressure to stay, to do, to deny or minimize (the problems, the self-betrayals or self-negations) coming from? From others or inside oneself?
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2018
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I agree that the bond between a child and the parent transcends biology. It is such a strong bond of physical attraction (no matter how the child looks), euphoria when near or hugging (I am NOT talking sexual here....the feelings are just so strong, like none other) as well as an intangible connection.that makes you feel almost as if you are sewn together in a way.

    These inner feelings are so strong that it causes us often to overlook anything. And When I say I have the best kids on earth, my heart almost bursts with love snd pride. Obviously most people feel the same about their kids and we really mean it!! To us its true! Even in adoption I believe it is so strong that our kids affect our feel good biology and become a part of us. I often tell otjers that my real DNA are my kids. All of them. I mean it.

    So why is it surprising that even if things go wrong we dont want to let go? Or fi d it hard?

    That doesnt mean we can finally have enough crapola and do it for our own lives and that of the rest of our family. But child love is a love like no other and that makes even detaching a challenge.

    Nobody should feel badly about that.