Guilty Mom

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Guilty Mom, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Guilty Mom

    Guilty Mom New Member

    So our son has been gone from our house for 2 weeks. We told him he couldn’t live with us. He has been staying at the Salvation Army. He got his stolen car back so he has wheels to get to work. Today we are having a birthday party for his grandma at our house. So we invite him or not. I figure since it is in the evening he will want to spend the night. Not sure he could get to shelter in time to check any. What are your thoughts?
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nothing to feel guilty about. I assume he is gone for a good reason and he has a bed and food is able bodied and can work on himself. If he doesn't come to Grandma's party, he doesn't come.

    I assume it took a lot of strength to make him leave to figure out his own life. You are brave and a good parent to allow him this chance to put his adult life together. Kudos to you!
     
  3. Guilty Mom

    Guilty Mom New Member

     
  4. Guilty Mom

    Guilty Mom New Member

    Than you. Ok he doesn’t know about the party so didn’t know if I should tell him or not. I wouldn’t mind him coming but don’t want him to stay overnight
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If you don't want him to stay overnight, I wouldn't start the battle by letting him inside.
     
  6. LisaStillwater

    LisaStillwater New Member

    So sorry for your dilemma. My son has been kicked out for a week. I’m not sure what kind of contact I am supposed to have with him. How often do you speak with your son?
    I let my son sleep here one night last week when it was raining but I made him leave the next morning and I haven’t spoken to him since. This is so difficult and heart wrenching. I’m learning to detach and reading these posts help me know I’m not alone. Good luck.
     
  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    GM, you do what is in your heart to do, knowing what you can live with. Those are my thoughts. When reading the article on detachment, we do not coldly cut off our adult d cs from our lives. But, we do have to weigh out situations, as you already are. If there is a way for him to come and wish grandmother a Happy Birthday, then get back to the shelter on time, this may be an option. But, it seems it is not.
    If you don't invite him, this is also a consequence of his own choices.
    It is not you, not including him.
    Same thing, Lisa, do what you can with what you know. I have a suggestion though, I used to say "I kicked my daughters out of the house." It made me feel awful. I started to turn that around to what it truly was "My daughters had to leave, due to their behavior."
    You did not kick your son out, his actions kicked himself out.
    (((HUGS)))
    Leafy
     
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  8. Guilty Mom

    Guilty Mom New Member

    So our son has never really received treatment at a facility before. He has insurance through his employment. He has never had jobs that offered insurance. He wants to go into treatment. The insurance will cover 30 inpatient program with a copay of 1250.00. Do you have any thoughts or experiences with your son or daughter? They want to follow up with sober living house. Hopefully he will have his job when he completes the program. We feel we should pay the $1250.00 and let him enter treatment. Any feedback greatly appreciated.
     
  9. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome:

    Can you tell us more about your son and your situation? How old is he etc.

    You can see that we've been on this road for MANY years and MANY rehabs, etc. Once is only the beginning sadly.....