He is OUT

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by pasajes4, Aug 28, 2015.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    He signed himself out and is on the streets. He is one angry, un-medicated, broke, scary individual.
    I am taking myself into hiding for as long as my money holds out. I can not be the last line of defense between him and the world. I hope he does something stupid and gets arrested.

    I feel defeated, sad, angry, frightened, and determined to hold onto my boundaries. There can be no coming home un-medicated with the intent to use my home as a rent free hotel where he feels free to terrorize me and damage my home between disappearing for days at a time on a drug binge. There would be no telling what I would walk into when I got home.
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  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. Stay safe and pray things work out soon
  3. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Oh Pas I am sorry. You stay the course. Please keep yourself safe and work to continue to let go of people, places and things beyond your control. He is in the hands of his higher power.

    You aren't on duty anymore.

    I pray that he lands in a safe place for himself and somehow, someway something good happens for him.

    Hugs tonight.
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Oh Pas, I'm so sorry!!
    I know all too well what you are feeling.
    The number one priority is your safety. Do what you have to do and stay safe. Make sure your cell phone is fully charged and keep it with you.
    Feel all of us here surrounding you, supporting you, holding you up.
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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry. As Tanya said please stay safe. Do you have a safe place to go? I wish I could help you. Please try to keep us updated, we care about you.
  6. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Thank you for updating us, pasa.

    I am sorry this is happening.

    Holding you in my thoughts, and son, too.

  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry Pasa. As everyone said, do whatever you have to do to stay safe.
    Try to keep us posted so we know you're okay.
    Sending you a hug, saying a prayer for you and your son and holding you both in my thoughts.
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're taking this seriously and are taking steps to keep yourself safe. How terrible: you get to run away from home. What craziness; he WILL get arrested, I just hope nobody gets hurt in the process. We're all thinking of you.
  10. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    So sorry for what you're going through Pas! Be strong, firm and safe!!
  11. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Pasa, I wrote you something on my thread...too long to rewrite here...sorry. Feeling Sad. Stay safe!
  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    PASA, you have helped me with my son. I am stronger because of you. I will be stronger, with you as a model. I pray that your son is safely contained and for us, peace, safety and contentment.

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  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Like all the parents on this forum, I never wanted this for my son. I did what I thought was right. His life outside of his family was a nightmare. Teachers and kids could be extremley cruel to those who did not fit into that round hole. I hurt for him, and felt guilty. This in turn was the catalist of every devision i made concerning my parenting. I played my part in this debacle that has been my son's life. There is no going back and redoing what I did wrong. I am aware that his mental illness is not my fault and that there was no way to truly halt it's progression. He needed so much more than I could provide. I was all he had in the way of family. His sister and brother were griwn and gone befire he was born. The mental health system in this country is a joke. The education system for kids with disabilitirs is even worse. The truth is that very few individuals do what we do on a 24/7 basis. That is why they keep sending them back to us.

    Sorry for the rant. I am just a swirling mass of emotions.
  14. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    I am so sorry to hear this! Hang in there, we're all here beside you offering support and a virtual shoulder to cry on. ((((Huge hugs)))
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yes, Pasa. Mental health is still a huge black hole in terms of services. And we as parents are tossed into that same black hole, trying to deal with it - there is no support, anywhere.

    Rant all you want. We understand in a measure, and are here to support you in whatever way we can. Listening is the least we can do.

    Hang in there.
  16. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words. The truth is that I have learned more from this forum and received more support from this forum than from all the therapists and "friends" out here in the physical world. I would probably be in a padded room by now.
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  17. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Pasa, your strength and resolve is amazing.
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  18. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Although im sure you know this, change your locks. Check the back seat of your car before getting in. If you feel safe sharing with any of your neighbors, do it and ask if they csn keep an eye out for you.

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  19. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Pasa, my heart hurts for you. I "played my part" too. It is a devastation in so many different ways, so much to let go of, so much powerlessness, guilt, anger and grief. All you can do is what you are doing and I know it feels so bad.

    All of us here are circling our wagons around you........praying, holding good thoughts, doing what we can do from afar to help you stay grounded......you've developed remarkable strength, courage and resolve in a terrible situation, hang in there.........we're here for you.....
    I'm so sorry this is happening......
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  20. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    In some ways what people are calling a "strong resolve" feels like cowardness on my end. I have been conditioned by my past experiences to believe that it is my duty to selflessly do everything and anything in order to 'help' my children up to and including sacrificing my own well-being. That's what 'good' parents do. The fact that these well meaning entities had no solutions for the problem were, in their minds, simply proof that I was the cause and therefor I must then find the solution/cure. I feel like a coward because broken down to into its basest factor........I simply cannot deal with my son anymore. I can't deal with the threats, real or manipulative, overt or implied, his non-ending neediness, his lack of respect for me, always being on the verge of bankruptcy due to the never ending medical bills, always having to forgo my own health for lack of funds, and never having a moment of peace unless he is in a mental hospital or locked up. Two and a half years, minus a month or two, of unbroken peace, has not made me more capable of dealing with him. It has in fact made me unwilling to live that way ever again.
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