He makes way more money than I do so why the hell is he so broke all the time? (Vent)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    So my kids' dad texts me yesterday and tells me he is so damn broke right now that he doesn't have enough gas money to pick up the kids for the weekend. The dude makes $1600 more a month than I do AND he only paid me a little less than half my child support last month. How come he's so broke when he shorted me money plus his income is way higher than mine? And don't get me started on his wife. She hasn't had a job in four years! Seriously either she's lazy or way too damn picky cause she should have been able to find something by now. Maybe not her most ideal job, but hell, grocery stores and restaurants are always hiring. He has the potential to have two incomes. I only have one. I'm sick of him playing the "poor me can't afford to pay child support and can't get to work cause I have no gas, blah blah blah blah blah." So now what do I have to do? I have to lend him damn gas money so he can get the kids. Unfortunately I still don't have a license otherwise I'd be driving my way down there, even though it is an hour and a half away. I have a lot of expenses this month due to my son's birthday. I shouldn't have to loan him s**t. But I'm going to. It's the only way he'll take the kids. difficult child 1 really wore me down last weekend with her crying fits and I really need a break right now. I'm just so damn mad that it should even come to this. Vent over. That is all.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Do you have a court order for child support? I would make sure that I go to whoever I had to so that it's taken straight out of his paychecks. There is NO WAY you should not be getting it in full every month.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    In CA. isn't it in the hands of the District Attorney's office? Then you aren't in the middle, he would have to deal with the DA. And, as TeDo said, it's taken right out of his paycheck.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    In my little corner of CA, the DA's Office won't follow the order to pay every two weeks...as long as it gets there by the end of the month, it's fine. I had many a battle with them when Useless Boy stopped paying, and because I wasn't on any form of govt assistance, they weren't very motivated to enforce at all. If the mother is on any kind of aid, the county keeps a set amount, otherwise, you get what you get. Or not.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You're lending him money to see the kids? I don't think so. Stop playing his game. If there's some sort of problem with him paying every two weeks, count on the check coming once a month. Don't make it about him. Make it about the kids. Call your utilities and have your bill due by date moved because your ex is an... Most every woman answering the phone knows what's going on. They'll make arrangements for you to catch up if there's been a problem. Don't let his bad credit affect your credit.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You ARE keeping a journal, right?
    All this plays against any chance he has of taking the kids away from you.
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I do have a court order in place. His boss was court ordered to pay two payments last month. I only got one, and it was less than it was supposed to be. The court doesn't do anything about it until the fifth of the next month goes by and it still isn't paid. Well guess what? Today is the magical day when the child support office can go after the money. So now I need to call child support and tell them I still haven't received it. The next step is the court contacts his employer and demands the money. I don't know how much longer it is going to take for me to actually see any money. I know my ex put his boss up to this. He told him not to send full payment for last month. Why else would his boss not pay the full amount? When I confront him about it he is full of excuses, saying it's a new boss and he doesn't know what he's doing. He's full of it. His new boss has been there since last May and knows damn well when he's supposed to be sending in the payments. He's just not doing it. Wish me luck cause next week is difficult child 2's birthday party and I really need that money in order to have it.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    If the boss isn't withholding it or sending it or whatever, regardless of the reason, then HE is the one they should be going after. Having the court on your back and imposing penalties for not doing what he's supposed to do will get override whatever hold ex has over him. Call the office. Let THEM figure out who's doing what and go after whoever needs to gone after.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I think you are not correct about what his boss is or is not doing. I've done payroll, and if you don't deduct and mail what you're ordered to pay, you can go to jail. I doubt he likes your ex that much. It can be complicated to change things on a payroll, and the message must get through to the payroll clerk, not the boss.

    If it's not actionable until the 5th, call whoever you owe money to on the 1st and make arrangements to pay on the 7th. Work it out. Your ex is responsible for child support. You are responsible for the bills. For the most part they don't care if you make arrangements to pay on another day and to make payment arrangements on past due bills if you are up front with them BEFORE they hunt you down.
  10. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    My bills are taken care of. I am low on food money but my mom lent me some money till I get paid next Tuesday. I'm just worried about difficult child 2's party. I get my paycheck on the ninth but it will all be going to bills and food/gas. I am really counting on that child support for his birthday. I would hate to have to cancel his party but of course if I have to I will. I am going to call child support now and see what they tell me.
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You could always move the party to after the 9th.
  12. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    The party is on the thirteenth. My ninth paycheck won't be enough to cover the party. I need the child support by the thirteenth. The invitations have already been sent out and I already put down a non refundable $30 deposit for the party.
  13. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well I just talked to child support and they finally got the payment. Now we'll still be able to have his party. What a relief!
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Except... now the clock starts ticking on the NEXT payment. <sigh>
  15. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Yep, now the next payment will be delayed I'm sure. Thankfully I am back to working again so I am receiving a regular paycheck. Still, I don't make enough to be able to pay all the bills and groceries on my own without help. What really burns me up is that they have the potential for two incomes and I only have one. She is perfectly cabable of working but chooses not to and he's okay with it. Sometimes I look at him and think to myself, "Was I drunk the whole relationship?" I have no idea what I ever saw in him....sigh.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well she isnt responsible for your child support so dont worry about her working, only your exhusband is responsible for his child support. Personally I would go down and file for Medi-cal for the kids. Even if they dont actually meet income guidelines for that, the states normally have a program that is a step up which they would meet. Food stamps would go after him like Medi-Cal would. I would actually be surprised if they might not meet Medi-cal because CA has really high income limits and you dont work year round so they have to divide your income out by 12 instead of just the 9 or 10 months you actually work. Once you get on a medical program you can have your child support run through the social services Child Support Enforcement agency and they are not so kind and forgiving. They dont give a rats behind if he doesnt feel like paying but half this week. They will send out an arrest warrant for him. I have seen guys go to jail because they were a couple of hundred bucks behind. Of course, my ex owes me over 20K just on my oldest and owes his other 5 well over 100K and hasnt paid them either. One of them is thinking of taking him to court now that he is an adult but of course he wont get anything because my ex is a dead beat but if he does ever get anything...like actual regular Social Security at retirement, they could take a portion of that. Or if he wins the lottery...lol. My ex lived off his parents paying him under the table and his wives working all his life. Best thing I did was getting rid of him when my son was a baby.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    If you scroll down to section 5241, it says that if the employer withholds the support ordered by the court, the EMPLOYER is liable for the amount withheld. The order is in effect until the court sends a written order terminating the support. Any employer who chooses to send less than the amount ordered by the court can be held legally accountable for that amount. Of course this will take time to process, but I would start proceedings to hold the employer accountable for the amount of money not sent last month and any prior months.

    As far as the boss needing time to set things up, hogwash. The employer has time to set things up - up to TEN DAYS of time. This is specified in the law as written in that link I sent. This is not someone's interpretation of that law, it is the actual California law.

    Hope this helps.
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Absolutely - the payroll folks at the employer are bound by law to set up the payments before the first one is due, and to set the up to be paid as ordered.

    That being said, I know that when I did payroll and had to garnish checks, we were just a small firm that paid by handwritten checks. If I did payroll after the mail went out on a Friday, legally and technically I issued a check that day. But it wouldn't be in outgoing mail until the next business AND mail day. It could be Monday or even Tuesday if there were a holiday.
  19. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    I know I am not in California but my employers payroll department will even wire out money if they missed a pay cycle.
  20. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    1. You never loan an ex money

    2. Ex's new spouse has nothing to do with child support and is not your concern.

    If ex doesn't have the gas money to pick up the kids, simple......he doesn't get the kids. Not your problem. If he has an issue with this you can be honest and say you don't have the spare money either. If he wants to see them or whatever, he can figure it out.

    I know you're frustrated as hades, but the remark about the new wife rankled. husband had to pay support on katie. I was the "new wife" and a stay at home mom 95 percent of the marriage, by choice. We lived within a tighter budget to do so, and it was super tight. As long as husband worked, child support was paid on time all the time. If he became unemployed.....well, we had no money coming in, so there was none going out either. Soon as he was back to work CS was increased to pay up the back support. State of Mo later ripped us off to the tune of 20k.......and had to pay us back a couple of years later when Ohio called them out on it.

    As you said, the man makes more than you do. Stop loaning him money. Make sure he stays on top of the support and you do what you need to do to meet your monthly budget.