Hello all !!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Pinkie T, May 29, 2007.

  1. Pinkie T

    Pinkie T New Member

    Greetings all,

    My name is Beth AKA Pinkie.. I have a son that is severly ADHD.. I have a meeting with his school tomorrow. And I'm totally nervous this whole school year I have been made out as the villain because my son comes from a split home. My son is academically wonderful But he can not keep his attention on anything for to long.. He also has break downs in class where he will start crying out of nowhere. We recently went on a overnight field trip to a science museum my son started crying and throwing a fit when I wanted to go across on a unicycle.. I told him he could go upstairs but to stay put.. Which I know was wrong but he was acting out and getting people to stare at me. I started to panic and I let him go.. well he ran off. The teacher had to help me find him she pulled me to the side and said "if you can't handle your son I can" This made me really angry then sent me into a full blown panic attack.. We were told we were being sent home my son laughed in there face. I felt like I failed. I'm tired of being made out to be the bad guy or gal in this case lol. Well anyways now you have the low down on me.. Nice to meet you all.

  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome, Beth. I'm glad you found us.

    Sorry to ask all these questions, but your answers will help us point you in the right direction:
    How old is your son?
    What kind of doctor diagnosed him?
    Is he on any medications? If so, what and is it helping?
    Any sensory issues (sensitivity to clothing tags, loud noises, food textures, for example)?
    You said he does wonderfully in school. How does he do with peers?
    Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?

    It sounds to me as if your son has a fair amount of anxiety. Anxiety can sometimes present as inattention. I'm wondering if your son's diagnosis was fully explored.

    Again, welcome.
  3. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Hi, and hugs of welcome! First off, a few questions:

    1. How old is your son?
    2. Who diagnosis'd your son? What sort of testing has he had.
    3. What, if any, medications is he on?
    4. Please add what ever info you feel comfy with sharing in your signature, it helps us keep everyone straight.

    I know what it feels like to have a child have a major meltdown in front of a class on a field trip, just happened to us past weekend, UGH! Not fun!! But, it sure has given me a new sense of empathy for others that I see struggling with their kidlets.

    Again, many hugs of welcome,
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Vickie, do we think alike or what?
  5. Pinkie T

    Pinkie T New Member

    My son is 9
    He has been on strattera for about 4yrs now. No real weight gain he is a stick. Now they are going to put him on adderall over the summer.
    He was diagnosed by a pediatrician.
    Fellow peers avoid him due to his acting out in class.
    I have pain attacks.. and his father had adhd when he was in school.
    Speaking of loud noises if he hears them he goes off. Like if he is playing on a video game and his sisters are talking he starts screaming at them.

  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Pinkie,
    Glad you found us-you have found a safe, supportive place. I'm sorry you had to deal with a teacher that sounds so unprofessional-I teach and can't imagine saying that to a parent.
  7. Pinkie T

    Pinkie T New Member

    Thank you Vickie.. I'm glad there is someone out there who has dealt with it to.. I mean I'm sorry it happened to you as well.. But so many people look down on you for stuff like that... Like his teacher. I'm glad someone can relate.

  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I agree with smallworld. What I read in your post was a lot of anxiety. Anxiety can look A LOT like ADHD and is commonly mis-diagnosed as such. It took one therapist (therapist) 8 months to figure out that my difficult child did not have ADHD.

    A pediatrician is probably not the best person to diagnosis (diagnose) a child with something as this, as it doesn't sound to me as if this is a cut and dry case (so to speak), although they are a good starting point and resource.

    Re: your meeting with the school tomorrow - read the Special Education Archives. There is a lot of information in there. Martie and Sheila on the Special Education Board are just a wealth of information and are always happy to assist.

    Most importantly, you are not a failure. You are trying to help your child and it takes time to learn to navigate the land of GFGdom. I spent a lot of time feeling that way and it was just wasted energy. Remember to take time for yourself. It's important.

    Welcome to the board. I'm glad you've found us.
  9. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Hello Pinkie and welcome. You have found a wonderful place to vent, learn and make amazing new friends. Finding this site was the best thing I ever did for myself. You will find that you are so not alone. I have gotten some wonderful advice and many kind words. We all know how hard it is for you right now. The beginning is tough. You probably feel very overwhelmed and frustrated. Don't let that ignorant teacher make you feel bad, you are a good mother and she has no clue how hard it is to raise children with these kinds of special needs. You will get used to the stares and rude comments. I did. People who do not go through what we all go through, always tend to blame the parents!!! I get that alot, not so much from the professionals, more so from people who don't know me and rush to judgement. I have learned to ignore that kind of ignorance as I know better, I know in my heart that I have done everything humanly possible to help my daughter. As I'm sure you have as well. So, try not to dwell on what other people think, that takes up too much energy and Lord knows we need all the energy we can get!!!

    Hang in there and see you around the site. :smile:
  10. Pinkie T

    Pinkie T New Member

    Thank You Heather I will check that out :smile:
  11. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Beth, because anxiety can be hereditary (as you probably know, panic attacks are a form of anxiety), I'm thinking you should have your son evaluated by a child psychiatrist, as well as schedule extensive testing by a neuropsychologist. You really need to know exactly what's going on so you can make sure to put the proper interventions into place.
  12. Pinkie T

    Pinkie T New Member

    The only thing that scares me about all that.. is that his father won't go for it.. It's a pride issue with him.

  13. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I wanted to add that our school treated me as the villain, also. In fact, difficult child's 3rd grade guidance counselor said point blank, "[difficult child] doesn't have a problem, Heather. You do." So I completely understand where you are coming from. The thing is, even if I were the cause of the problems, it didn't negate the fact that difficult child needed support in school. So, how they feel about you is really a moot point. I no longer care what they, or anyone else, thinks when it comes to my kids. I'm doing what I think is right and I can sleep at night just fine.

    Here's a coat or armor for our newest warrior mom! :warrior:
  14. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    We use this analogy a lot around here -- if you suspected your son had diabetes, you would absolutely take him to the doctor, have him diagnosed and put him on the proper medications to treat his condition. Mental health issues are no different. In not treating them, you are harming the child more in the long run.
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    There are other aspects to anxiety that are NOT mental health in basis. Ask his father - would he let his pride get in the way of finding some real help for his son? The sort of help that he would have benefited from back in his day? Why force the lad to endure what the dad had to put up with? Things have changes, there is a lot more support these days, the sooner the boy gets appropriate support, the sooner he will begin to use those special abilities he has, and learn to overcome the difficulties that anxiety and ADHD also give him.

    If you look at anxiety not as difficult child's fault, but as difficult child's response to a world that isn't really giving him a fair go, and then work to equip difficult child with the strategies he can use to help him 'plug in' to the world (and for you to be able to show everybody else the right way to support difficult child) then any finding has to be an advantage.

    Anxiety is the label. It is not the condition. There are a number of underlying conditions which have anxiety as one observable trait. And depending on which condition is the underlying cause, the treatments and management vary. But help is available, you just need to know WHICH help. And for that, you need to know what's beneath it all. Answers. Or is husband afraid of the possible truths he will be told? I can understand - my sister was like that with her boys. But finding out the truth was far less painful than she thought, and immediately she was able to use the new knowledge to get help.

    Denial does so much damage. It's the most often used coping tool and it's a bad one because it blocks access to so much help.

    Welcome to the site. Can you get husband to come along and play, too? Mine does, it has really helped in so many ways.

  16. Pinkie T

    Pinkie T New Member

    Well all I thought I would give you a update.. I went to my meeting today.. and I was armed with info. They told me that they could not get to my son's file to see if he had taken a conners test..? I will find out if he did for sure tomorrow. I told them that I'm going to have a full evaluation done on him to see if there is something else with the ADHD. They told me from what they see he has nothing else wrong and that his condition is not extreme enough for any type of assistance such as 504 or IEP. But this is not what they have told me before. I will tell you this however with all this information I have presented before them.. they treated much much nicer lol. About time! Well I will let you all know more the moment I hear something

  17. Pinkie T

    Pinkie T New Member

    Also I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your warm welcome and your information.. You made today go so much easier.

  18. Michellenurse0

    Michellenurse0 New Member

    Hi Pinkie and welcome. I too am new to this gfgdom but have found it to be a wealth of information plus I totally dont feel alone. My difficult child has ADHD with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) anxiety/panic disorder and depression. He also displayed many of your sons traits at a younger age. One of the big things that you said that stuck out is the noise thing. My difficult child gets so anxiety ridden over noise. I was told by our pediatric neurologist that ADHD kids have hypersensitive hearing and that all noises are elevated to them 10x louder than you and I hear it. He gets crazy when someone is even humming or singing or the tv (down the hall, which i can barely hear) is on. I agree with the others you need to have him evaluated by someone other than your psychiatrist. Mine couldnt diagnose the ADHD either. We had to find a pediatric neurologist. And that was hard because they really dont treat kids with ADHD. I got lucky because mine is studying the disease. He diagnosed him with all the other disorders too. The combination of problems qualified him for a special education IEP. And his test scores were very high. But he couldnt focus for but a minute. And ended up really failing in high school. Somehow we made it through middle with just a 504 but at the end of 8th grade we had many problems which made me go for the Classification. Good luck and welcome again to this wonderful board!
  19. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Hello Pinkie, Welcome to this site. You will find wonderful information here, and you will never be judged. Please don't worry about the rude comment that the teacher made to you. She was totally out of line to say that to you. She has no idea what your life is like living with a difficult child, and she has no right to judge you at all. Many teachers try to intimidate the parents, because they really don't want to deal with parents at all. Whenever I have a meeting with the school I always take someone with me, because I don't want to meet with a group of teachers by myself. There is always strength in numbers, and if my husband comes with me we can talk to the teachers as a team. Anyway, please let us know how the school meeting went. Take care, from Pinevalley