Help for me on what to do with 14 year old

[Tylersmom1979]

I have a 14 year old boy. He has had issues since kindergarten and it has gotten progressively worse. Hes on vyvanse, Depakote, risperidol, adderall in the afternoon, Zoloft, and clonidine to help him sleep. He has been in and out of hospitals since last year for trying to harm himself. Threatening to harm others. Trying to get kids to fight him. He has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Oppositional defiant disorder. Adhd. Conduct disorder. Major depressive disorder. He lies all the time. He likes to roll around in the mud behind my back sometimes. I dont know why he does that. I dont have any thing outside of work that i do. I work full time in mornings. He is in a specialized behavior program because he cannot be in regular classes because of behavior. He has an iep. He can only go part time days right now. He has to be by himself for about 3 hours a day. He is allowed to go outside and not just be confined to the house. He can take a bus to my work if he needs to but my son wont do these things. Instead when something happens at school that might throw him off like someone picking on him he tries to kill himself and then immediately calls the cops and then the cops call me to come take him to the hospital. My son just recently spent 9 months in a residential facility that i had to find rides to all the time to go see him and that was difficult for me to find rides. I dont drive because i have bad vision. Now he is starting this same pattern again. I have locked up all pills because has tried to overdose. I had to get rid of all glass in the house because recently had broke a glass and tried to cut his wrists and then called the police. I am buying another lockbox for scissors razors and silverware. I got rid of the toaster in case he tries to electrocute himself. I am now trying to get rid of things in my house that he will go for next. I cant seem to keep him safe. I feel like he wants me to quit my job. I have given everything up for him. The only thing i have left is my job. He wants the 24 hour attention. This last suicide attempt he told me he doesnt think that i pay enough attention to him. Which is bs because i do nothing besides work and pay attention to him. He thinks if he lived somewhere else he would be better. But my son always thinks everything is always better somewhere else until he gets there and then he wants to go back to where he had been which is where he didnt want to be either. I dont want to do another residential because i cannot get to them. They are all out of town. Should i contact social services to see what my options are. If you have been through this please tell help me.

 

[BusynMember]

I am so sorry. I do think he needs to be in a safe place. Maybe residential treatment really is the best idea. Reality is reality. It seems the only way for him to he safe while you live a normal life, which you deserve, is to house him where he can be watched 24/7 plus get treatment.

Visit him when you can. You may have to lower your expectations about how often you can see him. Use the phone. Contact him often.

There is no way to keep him totally safe if he isn't in a facility that can watch him all the time, not have him have access to sharp objects or electrical wiring or roads with cars. I'm thinking cps may offer foster care, bUT don't see how any other family can keep him safe either.

Is there a dad around? Other children?Did Son have an early history of irregular parenting, abuse, chaos, divorce or adoption? I am wondering about attachment disorder or a birthmother who drank or used drugs while pregnant. That can mess with the frontal lobe of the brain.

It sounds to my mom instinct like he really can not control his behavior. I feel in my opinion that his behavior is too extreme for him to just be looking for attentuon. Has he ever seen a neuro psychologist? They do gold star, intensive evaluating. Who diagnosed your son? How many hours of testing did they do to come yo their diagnostic concludion? Any mental illness, neurological differences or addiction on either side of his DNA tree, even if he never lived with his father? He still has 50% of father's DNA.

Hugs for your hurting heart. Remember, you deserve to live a life too. It doesn't help your son one bit if you are miserable.

 

[Tylersmom1979]

His dad and i both have these issues on both sides of family. My son is a lot like me when i was his age. The only thing i drank while pregnant that i shouldnt have was soda. He has never seen a neurologist. I can discuss it with his psychiatrist at the next appointment but the last psychiatrist told me he didnt think he needed one.

 

[BusynMember]

A neurologist is not a neuro psychologist. They are very different. A neuro Psycologist dies INTENSIVE testing for brain and nerologically based disorders that even psychiatrists don't do. My son had a ten hour neuro psychologist evaluation. This is a psychologist with additional training in the brain, not a neurologist at all. Try a nearby university hospital. I think you will get more satisfying results with explanations and helpful suggestions. So far it seems that you have everyone's best guess, no testoling, and a ton of medications. Kind of like he is just having every diagnosis and medication thrown at him to see if anything sticks. It hasn't helped so far.

A neuro psychologist often has a long waiting list because frankly they are very good at nailing the right diagnosis when others can't. Nobody's perfect and even neu t o psychologists can be wrong, but this is a good option. For us the long wait was well worth the results. It is up to you, of course. Behavior problems have no magic blood tests. Neuro psychologists use the best actual testing available at this time. That is why it takes hours. My son saw his neuro psychologist two days in five hour increments and enjoyed himself. They also observe and talk.

My son, after one correct diagnosis, was able to get stellar interventions, get off the slew of heavy drugs that made him worse, and go on to live a good life. He is now 23, on his own, and the happiest person I know. He is a bit eccentric but everyone loves him, he is so kind, and he lives in his own place and participates in activities. He did not start out with this kind of promise.

Lots of good luck!!!

 

[Tylersmom1979]

I will mention this to his psychiatrist. Thank you.