Help! My 14 year old is ODD and very Unmanageable!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by cgottshall2, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. cgottshall2

    cgottshall2 New Member

    Good evening. My 14 year old has been diagnosed with ODD. She refuses to stay in class at school, she keeps her room a mess, and she back talks to my husband and I. She has no regard for authority. We've tried everything except going to crisis. She receives many types of services but doesn't seem to care about anything.

    Is there any other parent going through this right now? What do you do about hormonal changes? Any advice would greatly be appreciated as I am at my wits end!
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Yep. Most of us.

    Does she have any other diagnosis? Because as a rule, ODD rarely travels alone. Hormones make things worse, but if an underlying issue can be identified, it can be dealt with, and then the ODD issues begin to evaporate. For example ADHD can lead to this, so can Asperger's. Bipolar. Depression. Impulse control problems.

    A book that has helped a lot of us is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Its not a cure, but it can help refocus the problems and cut through the bad cycling problems. If you can break the cycle, you can begin to see change for the better.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, I sure did with my oldest daughter! Is there any chance she is abusing alcohol or recreational drugs? Is she stealing money from you or running away? Has she changed friends to a "bad" crowd recently? Was she always this way?

    ODD is kind of a catch-all, not a very helpful diagnosis. Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of her genetic family tree?

    When my daughter started even s moking cigarrettes, a habit we felt would harm her greatly as far as health, we cut off her money supply and reduced her to necessities only (she was also doing drugs and used any money she had to "party"). In a sense that helped. At sixteen she had no choice but to get a part-time job after school if she wanted nicer clothing that Walmart (which is what we offered her) or to pay for her car insurance and gas (until we took the car privileges away from her too). Standing very firm, even while she railed at us, was worth it. Today she is totally clean (won't even be in a room where somebody smokes cigarettes) and says that we were right to keep fighting her self-destruction. We get along great. Unless drug abuse is part of the picture and continues on, most kids with defiance come out of it, more or less, when they are older. However if substances are involved, this can cause lifetime issues. Have you ever given her a surprise drug test?

    I don't know if this helped, but it was what worked for us. Keep us posted and welcome to the board :)
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well, I think most kids keep their rooms a But, yes, I have had many of the same issues and worse. Much worse. I really wish I had advice for you. I don't. My daughter was hanging around gangbangers at that age and got progressively worse from there. Nothing we have done or tried to do worked to change her behaviors. She was never a child that could be parented - husband and I actually had this discussion the other day - we could never, ever control anything when it came to her. Hormonal changes only made it all worse.

    I'm sorry you are in the midst of this. Welcome - this is a great place for us parents!
  5. Peace Please

    Peace Please New Member

    Believe me, you are not alone, and this board is a great place to come to ask for advice, vent or just lurk to know you're not alone. My DF and I are dealing with his 13 year old difficult child. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8, and his therapist suspects severe ODD. He has an appointment with his psychiatrist next week. We have tried everything to get him under control, but nothing anyone has done has helped. I wish I could give you some advice, but I can't. I can just send hugs your way.