Help with aggressive 4.5yr old after separation

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by IzaB, Aug 12, 2013.

  1. IzaB

    IzaB New Member

    Hi All,

    My daughter will be 5 in November. Her Dad and I chose to separate in early May, and I moved to an apartment exactly one month ago.

    Since then, my sweet girl has completely changed. She isn't even fun to be around anymore :( She hits and kicks me every time she doesn't get her way. This past week-end was the worst, and I just don't know what to do.

    She has been doing everything "they" say that kids do during these difficult times; digressing a bit with always wanting to be held, talks like a baby, kicks/hits, cries a lot, trouble with- sleep, etc, etc.

    But, I don't know what to do. What do I do when she kicks me and won't stop? I was carrying her into her room Saturday, and she was smacking me in the head and wouldn't stop. I put her down, then she grabbed my arm and pinched/scratched (on purpose). I closed her door, and she started throwing books at it (I remember doing that as a kid...)

    She only does it to me, no one else.


  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome IzaB,

    It sounds like this is all new behavior since the divorce? Have you had her see a child therapist? I think I would start there.

    I'm sure your daughter feels very safe with you and knows you love her no matter what; this may be why she feels it is "o.k." to let things out with you. However, she has to know that violence is not o.k.

    I have lived with a violent son and it is very difficult. Sending some caring hugs your way.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would get her into counseling. This is normal for a child who is newly in a separation. No child does well when this is going on and some have residual affects for LONG periods of time. She wants mommy and daddy back together again.

    My grandson has been going through divorce and a custody battle and his mother already has a new honey and my grandson has been quiet and upset since it happened. He still wants daddy and mommy back together again and doesn't like "honey."

    Are you friendly with your husband? Can you work together?
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Just curious. Why were you carrying a 4 year old at all?
    That isn't meant to be a critical statement, but rather, to try to find out the "before" to this picture.
    Because the "before" may give some insight into alternative approaches.

    We found we didn't have much success "getting rid of" unwanted behaviors. What we DID have success with was building new, better behaviors... and slowly, the old behaviors were not needed. But it takes a lot of work, and begins with a solid understanding of each and every scenario in detail - not at a broad level of "this is normal for a kid in this situation" but... from the first hint of "inappropriate" behavior... what is the sequence of events, and how can the initial behavior be headed off at the pass, or what rapid intervention can change the direction?