Sorry I haven't posted in awhile--2011 has been the worst year of my life-difficult child came home in January and was in and out of our home as he lived with friedns for awhile then got a girlfriend and lived with her and her parents until her mother started being so demanding telling him he had to work two jobs to provide for her daughter. She started playing head games so he moved home, lost his job and gave up on everything-they eventually broke up but she still calls to torture him. He had several friends that died and seems to be in a deep depression. THEN the hardest thing Ever happened- MY mom died!! She was always so very strong and took care of everybody and everything.I am still in denial about it I think. Her last days were very difficult for her and I saw alot of things that haunt me, like a bad dream. difficult child took it hard and family members were really assanine to him instead of try to give him support. I saw it and it hurt me so I can't imagine how he feels-he has shut down. He spends alot of time in his room alone. Then about three weeks later he left the house and when he came home he was really out of it-I thought he was drunk. He tried to kill himself. He took two bottles of my medication. I sat chairside to him night and day then when he was able to function for himself he kicked me out of his hospital room. When we came home, he wasn't himself. His mood swings were all over the map.One night he came walking into the livingroom and just lost it--tried to hurt himself again and damaged my home. He was arrested even though I was asking for transport to mental hospital for phsyc evaluation-now he is bad. depressed, worried about what will come of these charges. He can be happy one second and apoligize for what he did -telling me he doesn't remember because he was in a black out. Admitting to me that he had tried cocaine on top of my medication. Telling me he loves me and asking for help-then wham! he is rude and cursing-cooking and making a huge mess that he refuses to clean up and me and husband "hide out" in our room. Feeling like hostages in our home. He does really well when he is not living at home-memtally but he can't afford a place with no job and we are barely hanging on ourselves. Our other son moved home and with the extra food and expenses it been hard. I don't want him living here but he really has no where else to go--Help!! Any ideas!!