Active Member
I recently replied to a thread by Worried Sick Mother in the Substance Abuse forum regarding the shock of her son's use of heroin. One of my favorite members, Copabanana recommended I start a new thread. Copabanana, I'm flattered that you got something out of my post, so here it goes...

My 32 year old son is a homeless heroin addict so unfortunately I can totally relate to your pain. He's currently in jail, so I have piece of mind for the next 60 days that he has a bed, food, and yet another opportunity to start over. I've come to realize that the only one that can save my son, is himself. He's been in jail more times than I can count, all non-violent drug related charges, even done a year in prison; he's been through at least 5 rehabs, sober homes, the list goes on... I've always been there for him. In the beginning I was pretty much enmeshed in his life, trying to save him at all costs. I've learned over time to "surrender" and place my focus on myself, my higher power. My son has his own higher power, and it took me a long time to figure out, it wasn't me! Is it easy? No. I constantly have to check myself, and redirect my thinking. I will always hold on to hope that he'll turn his life around, as long as he's alive. I remind myself to breathe. Really breathe. Deep breaths. As I breathe in I tell myself to let it be. As I breathe out I tell myself to let it go. Hugs, Carri


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

Welcome and glad that you found us. It's a long and hard journey when our adult children use substances.

I'm feeling beat up today myself but wanted to offer hugs and prayers.

pigless in VA

Well-Known Member
Welcome, Carrie. I'm glad that your son is at least in a safe place for awhile. I hate what drug addiction does to people. I also think that we could do better as a society in helping people with addiction issues. I'm glad that you're in a place where you understand that you can't fix your son. I hope he finds to the strength to make a change for himself. Warm hugs for you.


Well-Known Member
Carrie, you describe my oldest son, who is 23. I too have had to let go of him, and even limit contact. I thought that getting clean in jail would be the cure, but it turns out it isn't. We can only hope and pray that they find some reason to turn their own lives around, and be there for them if that happens. Otherwise...their lives, their days, their choices are theirs, and similarly, ours are ours. We need to do a good job with our own lives. Thinking of you in friendship and brave partnership today.


Well-Known Member

I am only now seeing your thread. I was busy preparing to go on a trip back east and now only recently returned.

If there is one piece of essential learning that I struggle with it is what you say here: My son has his own higher power, and it took me a long time to figure out, it wasn't me!

I cannot live my son's life for him, only my own. I cannot decide his priorities, or goals. Only my own. I cannot have it both ways: if he lives in a way that hurts me, I have to either learn to keep better boundaries or mind my own business. Really. Only to do with me, not him.

I have found that the heartache and the fear diminish some if I set about putting myself in the center of my own life, and turning my love and support towards myself. I am coming to see this change of focus as loving and respectful to him--regardless of what he may say. It allows him to step up in his own life, in the ways he wants, without me in the way.