He's back..

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Feb 28, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    difficult child called at 3am. Please come pick me up.

    Said he was suicidal. Not taking drugs but drinking constantly. Been around people doing heroin, etc.

    Turns out...ppl had left him alcohol outside the whole time he was here in Dec. He hid it inside the suspended ceiling in the basement. More sad stories like this...

    He wants rehab. Fairly agreeable as to terms but still trying to get some control. Has agreed to see my Al-anon sponsor today if she can meet with us. Her son died three years ago. She's a tireless servant. Hoping she may know of best placement.

    difficult child talks about having no future one minute and then maybe a chance for one the next. This is n improvement.

    Wondering how much of this is driven by court tonight.

    Going to try to nap. Much harder with him here.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So sorry. I can only imagine that yes, some of it is the fear of court. Seems only natural to be totally fearful and go to old coping mechanisms, but what do I know.....just from what you are saying it makes sense. I hope he will do both...go to court and check in to rehab. It can't hurt to show up in court with a plan I suppose.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG he is at his most vulnerable now. Hopefully you can get court to order rehab today but even if they don't please do whatever you can to get him to rehab today when he is agreeable to it. While I'm sorry this is happening you knew he was going to crash and thank goodness he did it now before something worse happened. And thank goodness he called you.

    My difficult child was drinking constantly at the end, hiding it everywhere. She was also very depressed at the time, and drank more to try to forget.

    I am thinking of you today and sending all the positive energy I can that today he starts to turn his life around.

  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest


    I am so sorry you are on this roller coaster. At the same time, I am very heartened that he reached out to you.

    Please let us know how it goes today. I really hope you can get him to rehab, and if so- I would check with the dean at his school to see about putting him on a leave of absence pending withdrawal to preserve his good school record. . I would also think about cleaning out his dorm room which may give you more insight -Know what I mean???

    Hugs to you & hoping this is a brand new start to a sober life.
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Ditto what Signorina wrote. No matter how things go at court, he will at least be in a controlled environment and you can exhale (somewhat). Good luck to you and your son.
  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Talked to regional teaching hospital who runs a good inpatient program. Have appointment tomorrow afternoon. Need to wait on precertification from bcbs though...soonest he could be admitted would likely be Monday.

    4-6 week program. Can easily handle dual diagnosis patients.

    Friend's dad did it several years ago. He was a drinker for 50 years. Been through very costly program in GA tht failed. This one Helped him a lot. Course if you aren't ready, nothing works.

    difficult child asleep. Will talk to him later. Am worried about him detoxing here. But I don't want to help him drink either.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like a great plan, AG. I hope he wakes up in the same mood this morning and is still willing to go to rehab.

  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG I'm glad you have a good plan in place. I'm not sure about your area but we have detox centers where the person can go for a few days just to detox. Do you have anything like that there?

  9. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    No detox places. Am sure he could go to hospital. Not sure that would keep him sober.

    He doesnt realize everything must change and i am not telling him that now. He keeps talking about his friend...the one with cash who has been paying for his liquor....the same one who almost od'ed this week on xanax and who he watched shoot up last night. Showed me pics of this kid two years ago and today. Talked about how this kid needs him and with him in rehab, he will fall apart. Weird... I just keep saying you gotta do this for you or you will never be able to help anyone else.

    He keeps talking about how he will never finish college. I keep saying....if you dont stop drinking, thats true. I hope you will take the help so you can finish. Then we move to, i will never find a good wife...i want a good wife.

    I wish detox would work but he needs space and time from all this plus a lot of help getting his self esteem back and his thinking clear. Hope this makes sense.
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I just meant detox until he can be admitted Monday to the other program because you mentioned not wanting him to detox at home. I do agree he needs to be completely away from his environment in a treatment program.

  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am glad to hear he is willing to get help. Hoping for the best for you and him. -RM
  12. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    I understand now Nancy...thanks. My insurance won't pay for more than one admit in an year. If he goes to a hospital to detox then to this place, that would be two admits.
  13. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    He's up. Agreed to go tomorrow and then return on Monday. Wont move out of dorm. Says he isnt coming back here. (like thats what I want...yeah right). Even the pets act differently since he got here. Cleaned up three messes already.

    He is failing. What will he do back in dorm? Nothing good.

    Told him i would not support him if he wasnt sober and doing something to move forward in his life. PERIOD.

    I asked if he wanted me to trim his hair before court. He has refused haircuts for almost three months. He said no.

    I get the feeling he isnt at the bottom. Will update after court.
  14. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh AG - I am holding your hand from far away. I am so so sorry. My son acted very similarly. Reasonable, loving, sheepish and then 6-10 hours later, he would be totally disagreeable. Like your difficult child - he showed up on our doorstep and 12 hours later decided it wasn't where he wanted to be EVER. I always assumed it was because he was either coming down or going up - under the influence. I guess it must be coming down.

    So he agreed to go to rehab tomorrow? I hope that's what you meant. I am sure they have tools to deal with people who agree & then become resistant. Let's hope so.

    Lasted edited by : Feb 28, 2012
  15. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Continued until May 1st cause of rehab. Of course, now he is talking about not going tomorrow.

    He wanted to go back to dorm. Am certain to drink. Was ugly to me twice on way. First time, he said he would go Thurs. but not tomorow. I pulled over and told him to get out. To call when he wanted a ride to rehab. He promised he would go tomrrow. Second time, he smarted off to me. Pulled over, said i am done being abused, give me your cell, get out, i am DONE. He starts back pedaling. I drove to dorm.

    Have no clue what he will do. If he refuses to go tomorrow, then my response if I hear from him is, "Are you ready to go to rehab?"

    Kind of glad he is there. He cannot detox here. Maybe he will just drink and sleep.

    I do not know how those of you who have done this for years haven't gone totally crazy.
  16. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh AG, I am sorry he is being such a jerk. I hope you get a good nights rest & that he is agreeable tomorrow. Stay strong. I am so proud of your strength & grace under pressure.

    (edited-holy autocorrect!! "grace under precious" egads)
    Lasted edited by : Feb 28, 2012
  17. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    AG: I wish that I had some magic words of advice for you, but nothing is ever easy with our difficult child's is it? I will be praying that your difficult child agrees to go to rehab tomorrow. I hope that you are able to get some rest tonight. Hugs to you...
  18. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That should be your only response. If he says no, hang up. Do not talk to him, beg him, or bargain with him. He either goes or you are done and he faces the consequences (court included).

    He will keep putting it off until he has no choice.


  19. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Yes, I too, have been there. The phone call when difficult child was desperate. The finally agreeing to rehab. I let her come home because she was going to rehab the next day. She crashed and then when we got to the rehab? Was completely uncooperative and was kicked out two days later. :/ Over a year later and we still haven't hit bottom.... (((HUGS)))
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Although my Board gut says he's not likely to go, I'm hoping that I'm wrong. You are right...it takes a toll when it goes on and on and on. All of us want the rollercoaster ride to end and alot of our difficult child's seem to have courtesy tickets to keep going up and down, up and down. Fingers crossed and hugs coming your way. DDD