He's on his way......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Sep 24, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    difficult child left this morning for his cross country trip to my father. I wish I could say that I feel magically relieved and all of my stress is gone but sadly I can't. I'm SO anxious and worried right now. I want everything to work out but I have a million "what if's" running through my head. I know I need to let go now and take back control of my own life but it's so hard after I've been in nonstop warrior mode for the better part of the last year.
  2. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thank you RE!!! I love it!! I'm going to print that out and hang it on my fridge!!
  3. MrMike

    MrMike Member

    Good Luck JKF, we're all pulling for you and hoping things turn out great. Hang in there!
  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    JKF, if you have a minute, read the post about the storm being over and feeling kind of blah. Recovering was able to help me tap into what was happening down deep, where I couldn't see it. I found it so helpful to know she had come through the same kinds of things and had been able to repossess herself and her sense of joyful anticipation, of richness and color. Like you and like me, Recovering's child too is still troubled. What's lost is lost and nothing is certain, but somehow, she is making her way through it.

    We can, too.

    It is unbelievable, to mark the times we were so scared, so tired, so bewildered, and all we could really do was brace ourselves, even in our sleep, in our dreams, for what was coming, next. Always preparing for the shock of the worst thing, always knowing we would have to function through it and we had best be ready, we've had to forge a kind of strength we never even knew existed. When the situation changes, and it does, with startling speed, we've had to adapt without time to even take a breath.

    No one who hasn't lived through it can understand it. But everyone has their take on what needs to happen, next. And all we can do is mirror enough of their own reality back to them to keep them from understanding the true horror of what is happening.

    But we did it.

    I imagine we will make it through this part, too.

    It helps though, to know someone has come through it, and to hear how in the world they did that.

    I am relieved to know your son is on his way. You have given him everything he needs to make a fresh start in a new environment. One of the things Recovering said in my post was that I needed to rest, and that it would take time before I could really relax. That is part of this, I think. We expect ourselves to make snap adjustments back to who and how we were because the crisis of the moment is past.

    For now, it's past.

    I think that was very wise of Recovering, to say that.

    We need to give ourselves all the time we need...even, as Recovering said, just to truly relax.

    That was a good thing for me to know. I hope it helps you, too.

    We can do this.

  5. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs Ur in my thoughts and prayers Rabbit
  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs out to you, your son and your dad. I truly hope this change of environment helps bring about positive changes in all your lives. One day at a time, hon.
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Crossing everything that this is the new start he needs!!
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thinking of you JKF, hoping you're feeling better today.............
  9. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I can't thank you all enough for your support. It helps me so much to read your thoughts and advice. I find myself reading your replies over and over again.

    difficult child called this morning. His bus was delayed an hour in St. Louis due to mechanical problems. I'm majorly panicking right now because later tonight he has a connection in Denver and only 40 min between. I'm so scared he'll miss that connection due to this delay. If he does, he won't be able to get another bus until tomorrow morning and it will put him 12 hours behind schedule. That wouldn't be a problem if he was going directly to my dad but my dad is waiting in another state for him to arrive and then they will make the 3 hour drive up from there. I'm really trying to breathe and pray to god/the universe that somehow he'll make that connection. Ugggggh! If you all could send out positive vibes that he'll arrive to my dad on time and in one piece I would appreciate it greatly!!
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You got it JKF, prayers, good thoughts, everything crossed, dancin', rattlin'........... everything I can do to glide your boy safely into the care of your Dad.....................
  11. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Said a prayer JKF...
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Highway buses have ways of making up time... he has how many hours on that now-delayed bus? more than 5? If so... it isn't hard to gain 30+ minutes.
  13. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    They are still an hour off schedule and he said they keep stopping the bus so ppl can take smoke breaks. I'm starting to freak out. My husband keeps telling me to stay calm bc I have NO control over this and it's out of my hands. He's right but I would really like just ONE break in life sometime. I mean seriously it seems like nothing ever works out as planned and it drives me insane. He still has 8 hours before his transfer so I'm desperately praying that IC is right and they make up some time later.
  14. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    He made it to the bus!! I've been up several times all night checking and I just saw he called and left a VM around 2:30 am our time to let me he was on the bus! Whew! The final leg of his journey has begun and he will be to my dad around 11 am his time 1 pm our time!
  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The first thing I thought of this morning was "I hope JKF's boy made it." Thank you for updating us. Whew. You must be so relieved now. I hope you can begin to let go now and claim your own life back. From this point forward, your boy is on his new adventure, his own journey of self discovery. Your Dad is a good guy to offer to take his grandson under his wing, I am hoping this is what he needs now and the former housing situation didn't work because this is where he belongs.

    I hope that you can now take deep breaths and find your peace of mind and your sense of joy. It's been a long journey for you, you've been in warrior mode for so long, my wish for you is to rest, relax and enjoy.............
  16. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thank you RE! I hope that this is the right thing too and that "everything happens for a reason". In my gut I feel that it's the right path but due to his track record I'm so nervous. Uggggh!

    He is almost there. He'll be arriving in 15 minutes!! OMG!

    I have to admit - one thing that's really freaking me out right now is that my dad hasn't seen difficult child in 2 years and difficult child has DEFINITELY changed appearance wise. I tried to prepare my dad but he'll still be shocked. difficult child has gained an enormous amount of weight, his hair is unkempt, his face is unshaven and broken out, his nails are long and dirty, and I'm sure after 2 days on a bus he does NOT smell very good at all! I'm really nervous about my dad's reaction for some reason. I almost feel like it's a "blind date" if that makes sense. I know it sounds so shallow and mean but it's definitely freaking me out. Ugggh!

    Anyway, difficult child enjoyed his bus trip across country. That makes me happy. He's never really traveled much with us and this is his first big trip in a long time. He got to see so many things, including snow in the mountains in Wyoming and a herd of Bison. He seemed genuinely happy when sharing his pictures and experiences with me and it makes me smile to know he's off to a decent start.

    I think I'll feel better once he arrives. I hope so anyway.
  17. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    He's there. BIG SIGH OF RELIEF! He'll be meeting up with my dad in about 10 minutes. He changed his clothes and supposedly freshened up. And I just realized that I'm freaking out over something I can't control. difficult child IS WHO HE IS. I can't change that - only he can change himself and for me to worry about things like his appearance is ridiculous. Of course my dad will be shocked but that doesn't mean he won't still love difficult child and want to help him. I'm worrying over nothing and now I need to breathe and let go.
  18. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad he's arrived. Yes, there isn't much you can do now other then pray and send him off with your love, which he definitely feels from you. You did a really great job JKF, you certainly could NOT have done more........you showed up at every single step of the way, making sure your boy was safe. Now let him be with your Dad, perhaps an older man can give your boy something you, the Mom, or your husband the step dad, can't. Now he's with his bio granddad, there is something there that seems important. Even for your Dad, not just for your boy.

    When my granddaughter came to live with me and started to connect with my SO, I was amazed at the connection they formed. Over time I saw how much she needed a Dad and my SO is a GREAT Dad, so it was a perfect fit. Something just clicked for them and in some odd ways she is closer to him then me, he gave her something I just couldn't (I just can't have an in-depth conversation about the Giants like they can!!!), and she to him too. It is really very heartwarming to me. Perhaps that bond may form with your son and your Dad, there is something special which can happen when there is a skipped generation in between. I had that with my grandmother as my granddaughter has with me. That would be a really nice outcome to your story JKF.
  19. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    My father had a special way of interacting with both my kids. Maturity imparts a certain kind of wisdom about what matters, and about what can be let go. This experience will be good for both of them.

    Great news, that he made it safely.

    Keeping a good thought for him, JKF.

  20. Dancerat

    Dancerat Member

    I'm not a grandmom yet, but I wouldn't care in what condition my grandchildren came to me - I'd see them with my heart. And smells and looks are not the first thing I'd notice. :) Keep us updated. And good thoughts from far away. My husband was raised in Idaho. It's a great state.