I cut and pasted some excerpts from his book here for you that I used for someone else. I think it may give you a small idea of what his book is like.
Children with ODD need firm, clear structure. It should be flexible, giving them plenty of room to roam when they are doing well, but it should contract around them when they are not doing well.
Do not allow yourself to be pulled into a yelling match. Yelling matches are teenagersâ turf. They will win every one of these contests because they believe they have nothing to lose.
The healthiest kind of structure is a flexible one.
If you are not brutal or violent but believe that you depend too much on yelling or spanking, you may wish to contact a therapist who can discuss parenting skills training with you. Like many therapists, I find that parents who rely on yelling and spanking often admit that they just donât know what other techniques to employ.
Should she chose to escalate, you must then stay calm and indicate that as a parent you have already given your answer.
When parents frequently yell, shout, threaten, or strike out physically while angry, they send a profound message: No one is in control.
Oppositional children and teenagers expect you to approach them with hostility. Their entire set of defenses is tuned to seek and find indications of hostility in adults, something like a radio receiver tuned to pick up only one station. Once you are angry, they know how to respond because they are on familiar ground.
You have to make it perfectly clear to him what his negative behaviors will cost, and you have to find a way to prove to him that you will provide consequences over and over and over and over. Remember, he is oppositional and believes that he can outlast you.
It becomes important to see in a humane way the humor in the oppositional childâs attempt to control adults. He is doomed to fail because, after all is said and done, he canât use your car without your keys and he can't slam his bedroom door if you take it off the hinges and put it in the basement for a few days. Oppositional children are geniuses at getting you mad. But in truth, they are just children floundering around in an attempt to become powerful. It is much better to enjoy their attempts and approach them with a sense of humor than to take it personally.
The child or teenager is revealing his belief that power must be wrenched out of the hands of adults. The oppositional child never stops to consider that power can be negotiated or earned. Reward them with extra freedoms when they handle their lives well. Understanding that it's not the oppositional child's drive for power that is problematic but the strategies he's using to obtain it can help you maintain a positive attitude about an endlessly frustrating situation.
Your role is not negotiable and you do not intend to abdicate your power. They make clear that you set the standards of behavior for members of your immediate family and that all behaviors have consequences. Positive behaviors on a child or teenagerâs part result in increased freedom and respect, while negative behaviors lead inexorably to punishment.
If we try to use reason, logic, and consensus building when our children and teenagers are responding to us in an oppositional manner, the interaction is likely to degenerate into an argument.
In general, if your child acts oppositionally but can give you reasonable answers to your questions and has a tendency to moderate his or her behavior at school or at a friendâs house, half the battle is already won. This tells you he knows right from wrong but is having difficulty implementing it at home, which is a common problem.
I hope these have been at least a little helpful. I think you will find that his book is a lot more than just "The Full Riley" and he explains many different interventions that can be used including, warning systems, Monster Time Out, level systems, reinforcers and privileges.
[*]8 yo difficult child daughter/ODD/Adopted
[*]13 yo easy child daughter
"Bad things happen when good people stand by and do nothing"