Hi Enzo - Welcome. I am compelled to write you - we are about a year and a half into our journey which is almost exactly the same story as yours. My son got involved with pot the summer before freshman year. By the time he got the high school, he was totally non-functioning at school, acting out with anger at home and had lost interest in everything. We didn't know what to do and tried everything, punishments, rewards, counseling, etc. Nothing worked. We had to wait for him to experience his own "natural consequences". By March, he got caught with pot at school, arrested, expelled and our real journey toward recovery began. We sent him to a "character" boarding school, but it didn't work. He was not able to finsh the year as the problem with pot just continued there. The school had a relationship with a Wilderness program where we then sent him for 90 days. That was a great intervention to immedaitely stop the bahavior, clear the pot and try to get his to see what he was doing to himself. Although it did not "fix" the problem there, he began to see that there was a problem and became more open to therapy. We left him there all summer (expensive) as we did not feel he was well enough to be home. He then went back to his boarding school in September. While in the boarding school this year, he has continued with "groups" and individual therapy. He had a couple of relapses, but sought more support both times. The second relapse he asked to come home for a while to step up support and attend an IOP program. I would say that since the IOP program, he has progressively gotten better and better. The good news is also that his home friends are all doing well now too. It's been a long journey and I highly doubt that we are "done", but I wanted to share my story with you for two reasons. First, there is hope. I know what you're feeling right now, I have been there. There is hope, but it takes time and he will most likely not have a "perfect" journey. Be patient, read all you can about substance abuse and teens, find your boundaries and let it be HIS journey. You cannot stop him if he chooses the wrong way, but you can be there for him when he is ready for help. The second and harder thing to tell you is that he will probably continue to struggle for a while before HE decides that the cost of that lifestyle is too great. I think for my son, he was just tired of being a failure. He finally realized that it had gotten to the point where people expected him to screw up and he became determinned to prove them wrong with the same vigor that he used to be determined to do whatever he wanted. It's not easy to watch as a parent, but it sounds like you're taking great steps to separate him from very toxic environments and put him in places where he can grow, if he chooses to. For the summer, I would reccomend finding an outpatient IOP program where you live. After my son relapsed, he went to one and that was the single most impactful thing he did. He met many kids with much worse abuse issues than his and it affected him deeply. The good thing was that he was attending the IOP 3 times per week while living at home, exposed to his friends. This allowed him to grow within his own life rather than just removing him and putting him somewhere where there was no access to trouble. I do believe that that program allowed him to change more from within, in his own life and that is why he has been able to sustain a healthy life now. My son is now doing well and planning to return home in June and go to the local high school next year. Again, there may be set backs, but he and we know what to do now and where to go for support if that happens. When he comes home, we will require him to get a job in order to have access to a car. Again just pushing him toward increased responsiblity and maturity. If he struggles again, I will not protect him, but allow him to create his own problems so that he experiences the pain and comes to us for help again. Here are a few books that have helped me: "Teens Under the Influence" "Changing for Good" "The Unchangfed Mind" followed by "To Change a Mind" and "Itenvention: Anything but My Own Skin". If you need me - feel free to private message.
