dashcat
Member
This is the first Christmas that I will be facing with a daughter in the full difficult child mode and I am having a bit of a hard time.
She was supposed to stop by yesterday to show me her very first car. I did not help buy it (I'd tried,unsuccesfully, to protect her savings last summer .. she spent it all on hotel rooms with her internet boyfriend and I told her that attempting to protect those funds was the extent of my contribution), but I did help in the sense that she had cashed in a CD that I'd set up for her with her savings to pay for part of it. X, no doubt, kicked in the rest and then made it clear I wasn't helping.
Anyway, I was genuinely happy about the car and - knowing what a milestone that first car is - was excited to see it. We'd also made plans today to buy and decorate the Christmas tree.
She blew me off yesterday in a text saying she'd overslept. She said she'd call me on break from work about a time for today. Nothing. My guess is that I'm getting blown off again.
The tree, itself, isn't as important to me as just getting to spend some time with her. Since she's had this new job (10 miles away)_, she's called me only when she needed a ride. I obliged when I could and declined when I couldn't. Now she has a car and, I guess, no longer needs to call me.
I don't get it but I do get it. Her dad had an affair and left us four years ago. He ignored her for three years before that. I've been her rock, but I've been the bad guy in her eyes by enforcing rules when she was younger and boundaries when she was older. So now she spends time with her dad and his girlfriend, lives with him and talks to me only when she wants something. She made it clear on Thanksgiving that she wants to decide how she spends her holidays. I respect that and said nothing, but I know what her choice will be (daddy, the girlfriend and her kids) and it hurts.
I know I can't change her behavior. I can't stop her from lying, can't stop the promiscuity, dangerous choices or hurtful behavior. I just want a relationshipwith my daughter. Even if we have to agree to disagree.
I don't know if I should send her a text and ask her if she's planning on coming or just let it go.
Dash
She was supposed to stop by yesterday to show me her very first car. I did not help buy it (I'd tried,unsuccesfully, to protect her savings last summer .. she spent it all on hotel rooms with her internet boyfriend and I told her that attempting to protect those funds was the extent of my contribution), but I did help in the sense that she had cashed in a CD that I'd set up for her with her savings to pay for part of it. X, no doubt, kicked in the rest and then made it clear I wasn't helping.
Anyway, I was genuinely happy about the car and - knowing what a milestone that first car is - was excited to see it. We'd also made plans today to buy and decorate the Christmas tree.
She blew me off yesterday in a text saying she'd overslept. She said she'd call me on break from work about a time for today. Nothing. My guess is that I'm getting blown off again.
The tree, itself, isn't as important to me as just getting to spend some time with her. Since she's had this new job (10 miles away)_, she's called me only when she needed a ride. I obliged when I could and declined when I couldn't. Now she has a car and, I guess, no longer needs to call me.
I don't get it but I do get it. Her dad had an affair and left us four years ago. He ignored her for three years before that. I've been her rock, but I've been the bad guy in her eyes by enforcing rules when she was younger and boundaries when she was older. So now she spends time with her dad and his girlfriend, lives with him and talks to me only when she wants something. She made it clear on Thanksgiving that she wants to decide how she spends her holidays. I respect that and said nothing, but I know what her choice will be (daddy, the girlfriend and her kids) and it hurts.
I know I can't change her behavior. I can't stop her from lying, can't stop the promiscuity, dangerous choices or hurtful behavior. I just want a relationshipwith my daughter. Even if we have to agree to disagree.
I don't know if I should send her a text and ask her if she's planning on coming or just let it go.
Dash