Lil, I do think any STD is important and the other partner should be told and we can not force our Difficult Child to be men and women, and this one isn't even close to being there yet. And if I knew some adult man or woman had an STD and had not told his/her partner, I would. It's not tattling. It's being responsible. H. could be the one responsible for his STD...she needs to know about it either way. He involved his mother because he is emotionally still a child. If he had a man's mentality, he would have gotten this fixed without telling her. But he did tell her. Terry knows. in my opinion she has to make sure H. knows since her son told her about it. ANd unless she hears him telling her, all she has is his word, which is not worth much. I would not even blink if my adult child was having an affair. None of my business. But when it comes to health, and this does not go away by itself and can be spread to others, yes, I would tell and not even have a hard time doing it. Just like Jabber, I'd do it right in front of Difficult Child if I had to. And I would not have a hard time getting the words out either.
I have this particular philosophy. I don't tell on you if you are only hurting yourself. If you are my next door neighbor and shooting up drugs, it's not my business. You have the right to get drug addicted or to hurt yourself. I won't be your friend, but I won't call the cops, unless, of course, you do it on my property, which puts ME in danger of being charged with drugs on my property. But if you have HPV, HIV, ABC and it is transmitted sexually and needs a doctor's treatment to be cured or else you can spread your disease to many others as well as give it back to Difficult Child, yes, I will tell on you. You can be my adult child, my 50 year old next door neighbor or my BFF. If I know you may be transferring any sort of STD to another person and have confided in me that he/she does not know, guess what?
He knows now.
I am kind of a civil libertarian with a very strong sense of right and wrong. What happens to somebody who has this STD for a year? Pre-cancer, like the woman I knew? She needed a LEAP procedure. Who decides what is serious? H. should know then be able to make a decision herself about what to do about it. But she should know. She needs to be told.
I would definitely insist H. know, and I would make sure she did. In front of me.
If kid were cheating? That's not getting anybody sick.
See? That's how I do things. Terry doesn't have to do what I'd do. But in my book this is a moral issue, nothing more or less. It's the right thing to do. The only thing to do. At least in my book. Not to mention a terrible way to let Difficult Child again act like an irresponsible child.
I hope she is told for her sake. This isn't about Difficult Child. It's about H. and her health and what SHE wants to do about it. My guess is she will want to see if she has it then treat it if she does and that she would be grateful to know the truth. Too bad if Difficult Child doesn't like it. If it were my kid, the partner would know. Period. That is not the type of personal problems to keep secret.