Holy sh*t, Batman! Can ANYthing else happen?

Scent of Cedar *

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difficult child just thanked me for today and gave me a hug.:916wildone:

Under it all, we are their moms.



Like MWM, I see this as a safety issue. It is also a premier learning opportunity for your son and for the girlfriend. STDs are no different than passing the common cold or the flu. If we are going to be sexually active, we also need to be sexually responsible ~ not just to ourselves, but to our partners.

Part of responsibility for ourselves is knowing, not only our own STD status, but the STD status of our partners.

We need to be thinking about these kinds of things.

I am always preaching this kind of thing to my grands.

And to their mother. And though they still do whatever they want, I must say that they have no problem at all with testing and treatment as needed.

A bacteria or a virus is a bacteria or a virus. How we were exposed is less relevant than that we are treated and that we begin to take precautions.

The communicables out there today are deadly.



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Lil, my sister dated a guy who had herpes and he didn't tell her for months. She could have caught it. There are some things that you can't just move on from, even if that makes it prettier. What if you had a daughter and he was perhaps having sex with her?

From the guy's point of view, I would consider it irresponsible in the extreme NOT to inform a girlfriend of this, even if we weren't intimate yet. You just don't ignore something like this. Then again, I'm not a difficult child either. If I knew that our son had an STD and wouldn't tell his girlfriend I would have no problem whatsoever in telling her, preferably in front of him. Yup, would chuck him under that bus quick, fast, and in a hurry!

The fact of the matter here is not only does he have an obligation and responsibility to tell her, she has the right and the need to know. If she finds out six months from now when it starts getting semi-serious, I don't see how she could avoid thinking "What else has he lied to me about or hidden from me?" I know I would.


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If somebody knew he has an STD and you get it, can you take him to court? I know that at one time they talked about doing that if you deliberately did not inform somebody of HIV status.

I think that would be a good deterrent to men AND women handing their STD's so generously to those who choose to foolishly engage in unprotected sex. Let's face it...does a Difficult Child know what condoms are?


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STDs are transmitted by more than just "unprotected sex". Protection can fail. The person who is infected may not know it. It's a high-stakes game. You can reduce but not eliminate the risk.

Up here in Canada, there's been more than one man successfully charged for knowingly spreading HIV.


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Yes, difficult child does need to know that he is doing adult things and needs to pay adult consequences and make mature, adult decisions.
I like the idea of telling him tell H, and if he doesn't, I will do it in front of him.
Easier said than done. Have to work it out.
If it were AIDS, I admit, I'd be more scared. I am still not sure if they have had s*x and certainly don't plan to wait 2 yrs like I did with D!


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In regard to getting it again, Yes. You can get chlamydia over and over again. And a treatment each time.
Right now I think he's okay ... maybe for a few weeks? But I'm not "trusting" that the antibiotics are the correct protection. THAT would be a condom. Better yet, no sex at all.


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They aren't going to listen to doctors. Or us. We have to assume they are having sex and they have to be told if they are at risk because of it. And sadly we can't assume they are ever telling us the truth either.


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Don't get me wrong...I absolutely think she should be told! I just think that Difficult Child needs to do the telling! And this isn't HIV or herpes or anything incurable. In my mind that's apples and oranges.

You all go on and on about how they are adults and we have to treat them like adults...Well you don't run and tattle on another adult. At a minimum, you give them the chance to do it themselves. Say you had a sibling, or just a friend, who fessed up to you they got an STD. Would you phone up their boyfriend or girlfriend that they may or may not be sleeping with and tell them? Maybe, if it was something really serious or incurable, but otherwise would you do it ever?

It hasn't got anything to do with having a boy instead of a girl. It has to do with treating them like I'm constantly being told to do, staying out of their personal business as much as possible.

So YES, she absolutely should be told if they are messing around. I already said that. But HE should do the telling! If he refuses - and she thinks he's lying about being sexually active - that becomes a different matter.


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Lil, I do think any STD is important and the other partner should be told and we can not force our Difficult Child to be men and women, and this one isn't even close to being there yet. And if I knew some adult man or woman had an STD and had not told his/her partner, I would. It's not tattling. It's being responsible. H. could be the one responsible for his STD...she needs to know about it either way. He involved his mother because he is emotionally still a child. If he had a man's mentality, he would have gotten this fixed without telling her. But he did tell her. Terry knows. in my opinion she has to make sure H. knows since her son told her about it. ANd unless she hears him telling her, all she has is his word, which is not worth much. I would not even blink if my adult child was having an affair. None of my business. But when it comes to health, and this does not go away by itself and can be spread to others, yes, I would tell and not even have a hard time doing it. Just like Jabber, I'd do it right in front of Difficult Child if I had to. And I would not have a hard time getting the words out either.

I have this particular philosophy. I don't tell on you if you are only hurting yourself. If you are my next door neighbor and shooting up drugs, it's not my business. You have the right to get drug addicted or to hurt yourself. I won't be your friend, but I won't call the cops, unless, of course, you do it on my property, which puts ME in danger of being charged with drugs on my property. But if you have HPV, HIV, ABC and it is transmitted sexually and needs a doctor's treatment to be cured or else you can spread your disease to many others as well as give it back to Difficult Child, yes, I will tell on you. You can be my adult child, my 50 year old next door neighbor or my BFF. If I know you may be transferring any sort of STD to another person and have confided in me that he/she does not know, guess what?

He knows now.

I am kind of a civil libertarian with a very strong sense of right and wrong. What happens to somebody who has this STD for a year? Pre-cancer, like the woman I knew? She needed a LEAP procedure. Who decides what is serious? H. should know then be able to make a decision herself about what to do about it. But she should know. She needs to be told.

I would definitely insist H. know, and I would make sure she did. In front of me.

If kid were cheating? That's not getting anybody sick.

See? That's how I do things. Terry doesn't have to do what I'd do. But in my book this is a moral issue, nothing more or less. It's the right thing to do. The only thing to do. At least in my book. Not to mention a terrible way to let Difficult Child again act like an irresponsible child.

I hope she is told for her sake. This isn't about Difficult Child. It's about H. and her health and what SHE wants to do about it. My guess is she will want to see if she has it then treat it if she does and that she would be grateful to know the truth. Too bad if Difficult Child doesn't like it. If it were my kid, the partner would know. Period. That is not the type of personal problems to keep secret.
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And I agree. IF he doesn't tell her, THEN she should be told. I just think she needs to MAKE Difficult Child do it!!! We're not saying anything all that different here. I just wouldn't butt in to it unless I had to. It's his STD, it's his girlfriend, it's HIS JOB to tell! That's all I'm saying here.

Incidentally, I have a very strong sense of right and wrong too. I just happen to think it's wrong to stick your nose into other people's business.


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Lil...I don't know how she can MAKE him do it, but if she can, that is first choice but in front of her. If not, she has no way of knowing if he has told her. His record in the truth telling dept., like most of our little darlings, is not good, especially when things get tough. Our little darlings are not exactly mature or men of steel. They get away with all they can, even if they have to lie to us to do it. So she had better be there or all she has is his Difficult Child word, which we all know isn't worth much...and whose fault is that? Who are those little darlings who lie to us while staring us straight in the eyes? A consequence for lying is you need to prove what you say you did and the only way for this is to say it in front of Dad or Mom. If he's willing to tell the truth. I'm guessing he will, under duress, but that he won't if not forced to by an audience of sorts...
I believe in minding your own business UNLESS somebody is at risk if you do so. I would not call 911 if I heard yelling from next door.

To me this falls into the category of causing harm to somebody else, even if it is not a fatal disease. If I saw a man clubbing his wife in the face in Walmart's parking lot, I would call 911 then move on after explaining what I saw. The punch probably isn't fatal either. Still...it is potentially harmful and the police should be called. If wifey wants to not press charges, it is her decision. But at least I tried to stop the harm. I think we have to be careful about what we consider meddling. At any rate, as long as we both agree that H. has to know, we actually agree. I would try to strongarm my kid into being the voice too, but if he refused, I'd do his dirty work and not feel at all guilty or like this was ordinary meddling.

Now tell me this. Why, after such a gorgeous day yesterday, is Missouri so gloomy today??? I was going to take a nice walk in the sunshine after washing clothes in that singng washer and drayer. Now I actually heard my first thunder of the year! Yikes!
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How many times do I have to agree? o_O I never suggested she just say, "Did you tell H?" and take "yes" for an answer! For heaven's sake, be in the room, be outside with an ear to the door, be on the phone extension, verify by asking H afterwards - of course make sure! But give him a chance to tell her first. Mom shouldn't rush out and do it. It's his job. That's all I'm saying here!


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untreated chlamydia can lead to sterility or to dangerous complications of conception like ectopic pregnancies. The sooner she is treated the less likely these will be.

She deserves to know today. I honestly don't care who tells her.



Crazy Cat Lady
Something that I may have missed here, chlamydia infection is the number one cause of sterility in young women.

It is often silent and causes scarring of the reproductive tract. It is imperative that Difficult Child's partner(s) be informed ASAP so that they can be tested and'/or begin prophylactic treatment.


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Son and new girlfriend were caught making out on the couch..... You can pass it on through kissing if you have had oral sex, and your throat is infected. This is highly infectious and she has the right to know. This is not something you can be "soft" about. Your son is being an irresponsible CAD. He has 1 girl preggers and bringing another girl into your house to do as much with her as he can get away with, and he is not using protection.