Honeymoon is over

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    difficult child helped with yardwork and prepare for yard sale. Then went to take a shower- or so I thought. After 20-30 mins, I knocked on the bathroom door and called his name- no answer, twice. So I unlock the door and go in and guess what- no difficult child, just steaming hot water running in the shower. Back door was open so I locked all doors and checked the car. My cigs and beer are gone so obviously difficult child has a spare key to my car. I only knew of one spare key and I thought I'd lost it 2-3 years ago. Anyway, I called police and they came and took a report. Then I came back in and checked caller ID and saw that number of this kid who has been a thorn in my side for 3-4 years. You might not remember but he's the one difficult child turned in for drugs (or one of the boys) in middle school, then when difficult child lost all his friends 2-3 years ago, he must have decided to be friends with this boy because the boy kept calling every 15 mins even when I told him to stop calling this house. I think he's the one that gave difficult child a knife. His parents seemed just as bad as him and his father told him to hang up on me when I asked him to tell me his address. So, I called police back and told them I think difficult child is with this boy and I would be very interested in knowing if they know where their son is right now, given that it is past curfew. They had the boy's name and address in their system and are going by his house to knock on the door right now. This policeman said difficult child needed to be in a group home. (ya thunk?) I told him I had suggested that but apparently Department of Juvenile Justice and PO didn't agree. He said a judge might just over-rule that. We'll see. All I know is that now there is a huge issue about all this emergency help I just applied for due to having a minor child to take care of. I'm probably going to end up in a freaking shelter unless they don't immediately put difficult child back in juvie to await trial.

    And I get to be prepared for a yard sale at 7:00 in the morning. Yay!

    ETA Update: The policeman called back and said he went to that boy's house and knockeds seceral time but in spite of it being obvious that people were home, no one would answer the door. That's all he could do because he doesn't have a warrant. I told him that I'm not surprised at all that no one answered. H etold me to call him when difficult child comes home- he wants to come back over and give him a breathalyzer test.
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2010
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. It is obvious that your difficult child refuses to change. I like the cop. Will he go to court with you? Next court date call this officer and ask him to come speak to the judge about putting difficult child in a group home.

    I have a feeling difficult child is going to be spending a lot of the time between now and age 18 in custody by choice. He may have decided that it is better/easier to be incarcerated than to have to face all of the horrible things he has done to you and to his life. He is a real jerk.

    I wonder what the PO will say, if anything?

  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I stayed awake until about 3:45 this morning and difficult child still had not come back. I just woke up and guess who is in his bed? I have to call the police and tell them he is back but I really don't want them coming over when I'm trying to have a yard sale.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    k, I'm sorry that the reruns started so soon.


  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well the policeman got here right at 7:00 and difficult child did get out of bed after a couple of mins. Someone was arraiving early for the yard sale, which I expected, and I explained this to the policeman so he left as soon as he caught a glimpse of difficult child so he could verify he was home and take him out of the system as missing/unaccounted for. Of course difficult child went straight back to bed. But I now have $1 more in my pocket. LOL!

    Members living near me are welcome to stop by if you'd like to meet and say "hello" in person!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear, when it rains, it pours.
    So sorry. What a headache.
    Yup, he didn't change, did he? At least the officer was nice.
    Looks like a bit of paperwork ahead of you all on Monday ...
    I hope your yard sale made it worth your while. Sigh.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You know, as stupid as this must sound, I still think there could be some hope if we could move out of this area and get family therapy going from VA before he meets a new set of friends to sneak around with. That's the part of me that believes there should have been transitional supports in place and a strong family therapy while in Department of Juvenile Justice and that honestly thinks there is no way a kid can spend over a year incarcerated at 14yo and hear all kinds of mixed messages and be used to spending 24/7 with a lot of difficult child's who have done a LOT worse than him and come out and magically be a easy child- it's just not going to happen and sending him back into it isn't going to help at all.

    on the other hand, I'm steaming with him right now and doubt very seriously that anyone at the courts is going to have any tolerance at all for this. And I absolutely cringe at the thought of another round in court and blame and evaluations, etc, and all of it dragging on for a month or so before I can even get an answer about what they are going to do with him this time. And if I advocate for what I said in the first paragraph, then if the judge allowed it, it would mean that they would have to "monitor" the therapy, which translates into them taking over it and dictating what is to be covered in therapy and how they want it treated and throw away any prof's recommendations because they will decide when, where, and what gets done. Thus, therapy will not be successful that way.

    I'll discuss all this with PO. The main thing is, I simply am no longer in a position to sit on hold for 4 or more weeks waiting to find out where difficult child will be and for how long. One set of procedures/policies/help is in place if he's at home with me, another if he's in detention, another if he's turned over to Department of Juvenile Justice, and yet another if he's sent to DSS- God forbid.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    How discouraging that he isn't even trying any more. I hope at least you had a great GS and made a lot of money. Thinking of you..
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, K. Many hugs.
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i just wanted to jump in, say hi, and offer a hug. whoever said kids keep you young is the same person that quote the line when you step in sh*t it's good luck :)

    i hope yard sale went well at least