How do we cope

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Aug 21, 2017.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Fully admit I am a mess today. Can't concentrate on anything. Took the dogs for a walk and to the groomers folded some laundry and am staring at a pile of bills and can't function.
    Husband is away on business. I am sad to be alone to deal with DAC.
    I do have to work a few days this week. He has never taken possessions from our home...yet. He has stolen money and pawned jewelry that was given to him. He has stolen money.
    Having him here is so stressful. 1-4 months for a bed, pending court dates and new charges.
    How do I cope in Limbo like this??

    Son is in bed/bedroom hasn't come out. I don't want to engage with him. I am crying in silence a lot.
     
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    For me it's knowing the power that your love for them holds.

    It's scary to know that feeling....for me anyway.

    I don't like it.

    Your son may be embarrassed by his behaviors I'm guessing. This is a good thing but it is what it is. It's no great epiphany for them.

    When our son did this we'd call it self punishment. He'd hole up in his room and then we'd feel bad. It was probably us thinking he felt bad or embarrassed rather than him feeling it.

    It's all so dysfunctional and difficult.

    Cyber hugs. Sending you strength.
     
  3. n64bomb

    n64bomb New Member

    Are you letting him stay if he is still using? Did you make him pass a drug test? Many times when they hull up in their room they are using secretly. Just some thoughts. Are you seeing a counselor? That could help quite a bit.
     
  4. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Yes we see a counsellor. We see her this coming Monday. I can't stop him from using and he can't stop himself from using. We do drug test to burst his bubble of denial. No drugs or drug paraphernalia in the house. I won't police him beyond that, I simply can not and will not take on the task. I am not Rehab I am home.

    He is playing video games and texting his friends. Avoiding reality and the facts that the police will be picking him up shortly.
     
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It sucks. ......no way around it. I hope they pick him up sooner than later.
     
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  6. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I'm so so sorry.

    I have been you.... I am you....

    Holding in the tears and trying to maintain some kind of normal while feeling like just screaming and calling out how unfair and unjust this whole system and situation is!

    Please know you are not alone.
     
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  7. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I know how you feel. Its hard to get your mind off of it. Hugs
     
  8. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    The question - How do we cope?
    RN, your answer is intriguing. Deep. Please tell me more..
    Our love for them holds power? ... For them? ... For us? ... For the situation? ... How?
    I'm trying to process this. Thanks.

    LBL,
    We have all been there LBL. You are so not alone. Hang in there.
     
  9. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    I hope today is a better day.
     
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    The meaning is very deep...to me. The power that my love for my son has over ME is so strong that it is unexplainable. It reminds me of how an animal wants to protect it's offspring. It's inbred.

    It makes me weak at the knees and makes all my sensibility and common sense go out the window wanting to fix it, save him, make it all go away and make it better. I can feel it in my entire body.

    I've learned I cannot do that and that he has to do it. I know that for me to be able to control that I cannot be near him. It isn't good for either of us.

    It's a mother's love.
     
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  11. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    RN, I find a great deal of truth in your post. I think about the hold that # 3 child has on every aspect of my life. I have two older children and they do not have this effect on me.

    I think that a great deal has to do with the fact that 3 was pretty much raised as an only child. It was apparent from the get go that he was going to need more interventions all cross the board. I found myself jumping in to protect him from.....well everything. I think I should have backed off earlier than later. My other 2 had challenges as well, but were not as sensitve as 3. I think that I probably allowed them to figure out things on their own a lot earlier in life. I did not have the time or energy to hyper focus on what they were doing or going through.
     
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Pasa:

    Our situation mirrors yours. Our youngest was raised as an only child in a lot of ways since his next in age was already 8-1/2 when he was born.

    He has always been very sensitive as well. I think so many of the Difficult Child on here are very sensitive people by nature and that is why it kills us.
     
  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    People please help me here. I am truly losing my mind.
    AS
    is continuing to use hard drugs, was picked up for theft and not held. Can not reside at home lied about his address again and the JH bail officer indicated that she doesn't think the police want to pick him up!! And if he shows up tomorrow she is willing to continue to work with him?!! I am lost for words here. How is this going to teach him any consequences for his actions??
     
  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Wait he's using them since he came home LBL?
     
  15. n64bomb

    n64bomb New Member

    You might want to think about it being a condition he passes a randomized drug test to be at your house. When they want help and are on the streets, they know how to get help or go to shelters. If he doesn't go to shelters, it is because he is still using and refuses to stop. If you are the initiator to him going to rehab instead of himself, you will be in for a rude awakening, as he is just using it to manipulate you.

    Let me rephrase: when the addict on the streets wants help, he/she will take the necessary actions to get in a shelter and follow the rules. When an addict is desperate and not willing to go to a shelter/rehab, he/she will feign going to rehab as a way of manipulating others to get short term shelter. What he did was a calculated act of desperation. He didn't rock bottom and keeps getting bailed out.

    If he isn't the one initiating and calling the rehab or shelter, then you are wasting your time trying to push what you want on him. It means he/she isn't ready, and will use that against you by saying he/she is going to rehab, but really has an ulterior motive. Something to consider.

    Hang in there, LBL. Let him rock bottom, and if you try to push what you want on him, don't be surprised when he "suddenly goes along with it" in the short term to get something he wants, then dumps it. He has to want to change!
     
  16. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Not to my knowledge but it has been 2 days.
     
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think this thought process is insane. On what planet is allowing young people to openly abuse dangerous narcotics any sort of damage control?
     
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  18. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I hear you.
     
  19. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    We are drug testing him. We know he can't stop. We are drug testing him for his own reality check. He is at home with the agreement to continue out patient rehab until long term rehab becomes available. 1-4 month wait for a bed.

    I am not looking king him. Rules are simple no drugs in my home. Follow our house rules and go to long term rehab (6 months or longer). If you leave before completion don't come home.

    Now just facing the bugles of an inept system giving him slip ups and chance after chance. IDC if there are no arrest warrants he still has new pending charges for possession of stolen property gotten through crime. He still knows if he fights all his charges and losses he will be over 18 when this is all said and done and he will do time in an adult facility not a youth facility. His choices his consequences.
     
  20. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am just so sick of our broken system.