My difficult child is so hurtful. Everyday he says he hates me, tells me "shut-up B*&^h, calls me a f'g b, calls me idiot a-hole, and tells me to "get my a&^ over here", etc. I've been told that this is just his condition, and that he doesn't mean it so not to let it bother me. But I'm teary eyed right now because this morning (5 hrs) ago was so bad. I just can't seem to not let these things bother me. It sucks the energy out of me, and causes me to go back down into the bottomless pit of depression. I'm trying so hard not to hit rock bottom with depression again. I've been there after difficult child was born, and it's aweful. How do you guys do it? How can you be happy? How do you NOT let it effect the way you treat them back? difficult child and I are just in this nasty, hurtful dance and I can't seem to stop it? Even when I tell myself that when I pick him up from the babysitter it's going to be differnt. But it never is. I'm happy to see him, and within a few seconds he's destroyed my happiness and the torrment starts. (YES, he's still with the babysitter and not in school and this is the beginning of week #9. So as you can see I'm still battling the school district.) I jsut don't know what to do anymore. I'm very upset with the hospital for dumping him back onto me without any services or school lined up. And I have over $20,000 in hospital bills....for what? What did they do to help us? He's back to the way it was. So I'm throwing away alot of money for nothing, and difficult child is the same. Oh, still at the job. Boss didn't have the 2nd meeting with me, and he's never brought anything up. I didn't write becuase I didn't want to jinx it. All that emotional stress and anguish from him for nothing. Geez, I never get a break.